~ My Galaxy of Scorpio ~

Cactus and Caterpillar

2010-11-16T18:32:00.002+10:00

Once there was a man who asked God for a flower and a butterfly.

But instead God gave him a cactus and a caterpillar.

The man was sad. He didn't understand why his request was mistaken.

Then he thought: Oh well, God has too many people to care for......... And decided not to question.

After some time, the man went to check to check up on his request that he had left forgotten.

To his surprise, from the thorny and ugly cactus a beautiful flower had grown.

And the unsightly caterpillar had been transformed into the most beautiful butterfly.

-------------------------------------------------

GOD does things right!

His way is ALWAYS the best way, even if to us it seems all wrong.

If you asked for one thing & received another, TRUST.

You can be sure that HE will always give you what you need at the appropriate time.

What you want..... is not always what you need!

God never fails to grant our petitions, so keep on going for HIM without doubting or murmuring.

Today's THORN is tomorrow's FLOWER!

God gives the very best to those who leave the choices up to Him!

Leaders - be a shepherd

2010-08-15T22:23:00.002+10:00

Last week, I had a very interesting talk with my friend. He is a great friend of mine, and we love to talk about life. He loves to share the experience of his life and philosophy and I always find his sharing interesting - though I might not agree totally to everything he says.

There is this one thing he shared which I think holds some truth in it. We were sharing about how important it is that in an organization, leaders ought to take full responsibilities in ensuring the welfare of its workers are well taken care of, besides focusing on performance and scores.

We see that in many organizations, leaders who have failed to show good examples in what they do has led the subordinates to lose trust and faith in him. We who are at the lower or less important ranks would like to see our leaders to be considerate and listen to our plead - understand our needs.

Just as we work our ass off to help you- get you what you want, we too have desires on what we think you can help us in the same way. Please don't come to us when you need help and deny us upon your self interest. Show us that you care too.

Like what my friend said, be a shepherd that looks after his flocks, don't be an eagle that wait to prey on the flocks (when opportunities come).

How I Wish......

2009-09-02T19:40:00.005+10:00

When it comes the end of each week, I will be very troubled. I will worry a lot. On my appearance, I will appear very normal but deep down, I am troubled. I know I have the issue to resolve. And this issue will always be there every end of the week until I-don't-know-when.

It is the issue of transportation.

Last year, my few colleagues and I had been taking turn car-pooling to school. It was the best times of the year. But, happy moment will not always be there.

Early this year, 1 of my colleagues had transferred to somewhere far far away. So, she is out. Left the 3 of us car-pooling. The issue began when I no longer have my car to fetch my fellow colleagues. The car I have been using is my dad's, and now he needs it. And, I am left to think of what to do next.

There are few things I can do. One is I can pay others to drive me which cost me RM80 per month. Two is I can take a bus up which cost me RM13 up and RM10 down.

Problem arise when I felt very ashamed (not feeling so nice) when it comes to asking my colleagues whose car i can use and pay. They were sometimes reluctant to drive their cars as i know they sayang their car very much (considering the journey to my school is not really that smooth sailing due to many potholes, and other factors like tyres and engine maintenance). But I remained thick-faced to pluck up my courage to ask them. And each time i asked, they did agree to drive though I could see in their eyes that they had a pinch of reluctance sometimes. But i knew i could do nothing. I had nothing to offer. I feel bad.

Then, things got a little more complicated this semester after the leaving of another colleague. This time, there are only 3 of us (me n 2 colleagues) sharing the car pool, with me having no car to offer. I am once again very troubled. Actually, i got more worried and troubled than before everytime Friday and Sunday is approaching.

I know I can afford to get a car. Having a car will be blissful. It will solve all my problems besides getting anywhere i want with my new car. But deep down inside, I know the time to buy is not right yet due to several reasons.

So, what is happening now is, I am either following my colleague up on Friday and Sunday or I am taking a bus up. With another 2 months to go (half of Sept, Oct and half of Nov), I think I will continue to be troubled and worried every Friday and Sunday. By the end of the year, i am thinking my face skin will grow 5 inches thicker.

So far, I am glad that my colleagues are willing to drive me back. I don't have to hitch a bus to go home. They are such a nice and helpful bunch of people. I just thought perhaps, i should add more values to their service like stopping me at the nearest place near their home, so that they won't have feel the reluctance to send me. Or was it just me being over sensitive thinking they would be unhappy to send me, or thinking I am a burden to them.

In fact, I am learning more to do good deeds and learn to 'mengampu' at the same time, in hope that they would send me home. OMG right?

How I wish I have the car like everybody else? How I wish these 2 months would quickly come to an end? How I wish I don't have to worry anymore about who I follow back with for the weekend? How I wish...

Perhaps, I am learning to accept the fact that I can't have everything I want, and to embrace anything that I'd been given.

(photo taken from Cartoonstock)

tomorrow

2009-08-14T17:33:00.003+10:00

It's Friday. I am supposed to return this Broadband stick but I haven't - I didn't. *winks* ini ambil kesempatan to go online nih...

Tomorrow, I have this LDK ceramah i have to present, entitled 'Instructional Leadership'. I have absolutely no idea what it is in the beginning. But after reading the presentation slides by Pahang State Education Office (Jabatan Pelajaran Negeri), I briefly have some ideas on what it is about.

(in one of the slides)

Something about being a teacher is that you never know what you will get/do (Some of you teachers out there will definitely agree with me). Your work is never just about teaching. But very often, you will be involved with various administrative tasks and responsibilities which are not related to teaching - at all.

For example, this early morning, I was busy doing administrative work for almost 2 hours before I could sat down on my own working table relaxing my mind and body. The 2 hours were spent on writing reports for water shortage in school (Laporan Kekurangan Air di Sekolah), and report on Post Mortem Pre-UPSR Trial Examination. After completing those reports, i had to do the letterhead for those reports to be submitted which was supposed to be done by my absent-clerk.

There are some things i don't understand about our country's education system. It seems over a quarter or half of our business hour in school has been spent on doing administrative work, i.e. key in marks, doing questions analyses for each question, counting alat alih (Portable Equipment), designing drawing plans for new proposed building, synchronising system files, programmes after programmes, reports after reports, meetings after meetings, and paperwork after paperwork. A lot of work, right?

But i am glad i love doing most of them. Doing all these work, in many ways, offers opportunities to learn new things about the system - what it is, why doing it, how it works and its efficiency towards improving our education system.

This year for example, i have involved in some of my school's most busy tasks, being the Setiausaha Peperiksaan, Guru EMIS Data/Media and Guru ICT. These positions offer great chances for me to network with teachers in other schools as much as my own school, carrying out tasks handed by district level and state level, doing 'donkey-job' of keying in marks for every student in the school and invigilating examinations in an interior school.

And tomorrow, i have this presentation i haven't prepared yet. Once again, it was given to me a few days earlier. Oh~~ i love this job. it is not evaluated of course. Yet, i think i am just going to try my best to entertain them.

Great!

2009-08-13T22:23:00.002+10:00

It feels so great to be back. Couldn't be better.

I borrow this Bluecube Broadband from my GB (headmaster) with the intention of looking for resources for this Saturday's lecture. But I simply browsed through some of my friends' blogs after ages not reading them. And the feeling of reading their post is so great. Everyone is doing so great in their own lives. I am feeling so happy for them all.

Hopefully after this, I will begin to drop by and leave some web logs every once a while.

I need a mentor(s)

2008-11-29T17:45:00.004+10:00

Somehow, along the journey of my life, I need to have a mentor(s) who can help me and give me good advice in making informed judgment and decision.

I think the need for a good mentor is important in one's life as the old saying goes, 'no man is an island'. I'd like to think of this as the need of human to have some forms of healthy dependence on others, not on their material possessions, but on their useful helpful words/lessons which inspire us to grow in greater knowledge and wisdom.

I know having a good mentor is necessary because I used to have one before, and it was a great one.

She was my coordinator back in my university. She knew my English was extremely weak but she never discouraged me from improving. She used to tell me once that I was the only guy that handed in not one but two drafts. *and she smiled* That got me more enthusiastic about learning the language. As years gone by, she helped me through my low moment when I failed my Children Literature. She was there in her office whenever I dropped by her office.

When I was out of ideas, she showed me new directions. She has an open mind and ears which listen to my whinge and worries. When I was not confident with my own abilities, she always said, 'You can do it, Nicky.' 'Just do it.' (like what Nike says) And that brings the best out of me when the best is still far from over.

She is more than a mentor and a coordinator to me. She's a great person. And her name is Jo Carr.

This is why I said I need a mentor. I am not sure if the word advisor can be a substitute for mentor, considering its jargon like financial advisor, political economic advisor, and perhaps teaching advisor? education advisor?

Sometimes (if not most), even the world greatest people have mentors from whom they learn to develop their potentials, like Warren Buffet (Benjamin Graham), Tiong Hiew King (a timber tycoon working for his uncle until 41yo), and Donald Trump (his father, Fred Trump).

growing up

2008-11-27T15:48:00.003+10:00

(photo taken from stephen60)

I don't know why November is always a month every teacher has been waiting for until I step into their shoes.

One thing that always tops the busy-November agenda list is Permohonan Perpindahan dalam/antara bahagian atau negeri (Transfer Application for Inter/Intra division/states).

I could reminisce the faces of those teachers when they knew they are leaving for good. They looked as if they had hit a jackpot. Their looks were filled with excitement, amazement, and some of them were speechless.

However, not all of them shared the same exciting feeling. Some of them felt sceptical about leaving. They thought like leaving would mean a new beginning for them, a point where they have to start everything all over again. Some had carried emotional baggage with them that would be hard to let go.

As for me, I felt happy for them. Indeed, my transfer application was denied even before November came. Nonetheless, I am very pleased that I am staying. In fact, it took me a lot of courage to think positive that perhaps this is the best option for me now.

The teachers that are leaving are all experienced teachers who have served for a long time. Their achievements are great and uncounted. I said this before this is the first year I am teaching, and the first year my school is born where all teachers came from different schools to share their expertise in making this school the 2nd best school in Selangau, with an achievement of 77% UPSR passing rate.

These teachers had taught me countless lessons, some of which unpleasant yet truthful. Though we only had one year to know each other that much, I believe God has a plan of his own to bring all of us together and bid each other goodbye the next year.

After this year, we won't be seeing each other that often. If not for any special occasion or kursus somewhere, I don't think we will ever meet each other. Unless someone makes the effort in calling each other up for catch up, there is no need for us to meet up.

As life goes on, as we grow up, our priorities constantly change to make ways for the need of more important agenda. We leave the not-so-important-catch-up agenda for another day. One day when we bump into each other, we smile to each other and say 'why not we have a catch up?' but it never jadi (happen).

I am not trying to be pessimistic or negative about growing up life, but this is what normal people would do. 24 hours isn't that long or much for us after all.

Now, i understand why old people like to thank us when we go and spend some time with them. Because when time passes, it'll never return.

And to these 4 soon-leaving teachers, thanks a lot! We shall meet one day! =)

AIG falling apart?

2008-09-21T11:34:00.006+10:00

Lately, we see how stock market in U.S. fell miserably, with some big companies like Lehman Bros., AIG (American International Group) and some other major companies facing liquidity crunch. Curious me went in to the web and found out why. But this certainly is not one-reason-fits-all why they fell. Many factors contribute to it all at the same time. The article below is quoted from Reuters 2008 as written by Adam Davidson.

Why AIG fell apart?
(The Big Money) When you hear that the collapse of AIG or Lehman Bros. or Bear Stearns might lead to a systemic collapse of the global financial system, the feared culprit is, largely, that once-obscure (OK, still obscure) instrument known as a credit default swap.

So, what is a CDS, and why is it so dangerous?

At first glance, a credit default swap seems like a perfectly sensible financial tool. It is, basically, insurance on bonds. Imagine a large bank buys some bonds issued by General Electric. The bank expects to receive a steady stream of payments from GE over the years. That's how bonds work: The issuer pays the bondholder some money every six months. But the bank figures there's a chance that GE might go bankrupt. It's a small chance, but not zero, and if it happens, the bank doesn't get any more of those payments.

The bank might decide to buy a CDS, a sort of insurance policy. If GE never goes bankrupt, the bank is out whatever premium it paid for the CDS. If GE goes bankrupt and stops paying its bondholders, the bank gets money from whoever sold the CDS.

Who sells these CDSs? Banks, hedge funds, and AIG.

It's easy to see the attraction. Historically, bond issuers almost never go bankrupt. So, many banks and hedge funds figured they could make a fortune by selling CDSs, keeping the premium, and almost never having to pay out anything.

In fact, beginning in the late '90s, CDSs became a great way to make a lot more money than was possible through traditional investment methods. Let's say you think GE is rock solid, that it will never default on a bond, since it hasn't in recent memory. You could buy a GE bond and make, say, a meager 6 percent interest. Or you could just sell GE credit default swaps. You get money from other banks, and all you have to give is the promise to pay if something bad happens. That's zero money down and a profit limited only by how many you can sell.

Over the past few years, CDSs helped transform bond trading into a highly leveraged, high-velocity business. Banks and hedge funds found that it was much easier and quicker to just buy and sell CDS contracts rather than buy and sell actual bonds. As of the end of 2007, they had grown to roughly $60 trillion in global business.

So, what went wrong? Many CDSs were sold as insurance to cover those exotic financial instruments that created and spread the subprime housing crisis, details of which are covered here 1. As those mortgage-backed securities and collateralized debt obligations became nearly worthless, suddenly that seemingly low-risk event-an actual bond default-was happening daily. The banks and hedge funds selling CDSs were no longer taking in free cash; they were having to pay out big money.

Most banks, though, were not all that bad off, because they were simultaneously on both sides of the CDS trade. Most banks and hedge funds would buy CDS protection on the one hand and then sell CDS protection to someone else at the same time. When a bond defaulted, the banks might have to pay some money out, but they'd also be getting money back in. They netted out.

Everyone, that is, except for AIG. AIG was on one side of these trades only: They sold CDS. They never bought. Once bonds started defaulting, they had to pay out and nobody was paying them. AIG seems to have thought CDS were just an extension of the insurance business. But they're not. When you insure homes or cars or lives, you can expect steady, actuarially predictable trends. If you sell enough and price things right, you know that you'll always have more premiums coming in than payments going out. That's because there is low correlation between insurance triggering events. My death doesn't, generally, hasten your death. My house burning down doesn't increase the likelihood of your house burning down.

Not so with bonds. Once some bonds start defaulting, other bonds are more likely to default. The risk increases exponentially.

Credit default swaps written by AIG cover more than $440 billion in bonds 2. We learned this week that AIG has nowhere near enough money to cover all of those. Their customers-those banks and hedge funds buying CDSs-started getting nervous. So did government regulators. They started to wonder if AIG has enough money to pay out all the CDS claims it will likely owe.

This week, Moody's Investors Service, the credit-rating agency, announced that it was less confident in AIG's ability to pay all its debts and would lower its credit rating. That has formal implications: It means AIG has to put up more collateral to guarantee its ability to pay.

Just when AIG is in trouble for being on the hook for all those CDS debts, along comes this credit-rating problem that will force it to pay even more money. AIG didn't have more money. The company started selling things it owned-like its aircraft-leasing division 3. All of this has pushed AIG's stock price down dramatically. That makes it even harder for AIG to convince companies to give it money to pitch in. So, it's asking the government to help out.

AIG might be in trouble. But what do I care? Because the global economy could, possibly, come to a halt.

Banks all over the world bought CDS protection from AIG. If AIG is not able to make good on that promise of payment, then every one of those banks has lost that protection. Overnight, the banks have to buy replacement coverage at much higher rates, because the risks now are much worse than they were when AIG sold most of these CDS contracts.

In short, banks all over the world are instantly worth less money. The numbers seem to be quite huge-possibly in the hundreds of billions. To cover that instantaneous loss, banks will lend out less money. That means other banks can't borrow to pay this new cost, and weaker banks might not have enough; they'll collapse. That will further shrink the global pool of money.

This will likely spur a whole new round of CDS payouts-all those collapsed banks issue bonds that someone, somewhere sold CDS protection for. That new round of CDS payouts could cause another round of bank failures.

Generally, with enough time, financial markets can adjust to just about anything. This, though, would be an instantaneous transformation of the global financial system. Surely, the worst part will be the confusion. CDS are largely over-the-counter instruments. That means they're not traded on an exchange. One bank just agrees with another bank to do a CDS deal. There's no reliable central repository of information. There's no way to know how exposed a bank is. Banks would have no way of knowing how badly other banks have been affected. Without any clarity, banks will likely simply stop lending to each other.

Since we're only just now getting a handle on how widespread and intertwined they have become, it seems possible that AIG, alone, could bring the global economy to something of a standstill. It's also possible that it wouldn't.

For nothing is certain in investments, here's another article on how this insurance company fell into the pool of debt - Buffett's time bomb goes off on Wall Street

'right' and un'right'

2008-09-14T14:47:00.003+10:00

This will be a quick post before leaving to school.

I found that there is no such thing as 'right'. Other than placing a clear distinction between right and wrong in mathematical equations, scientific curiosity and religious beliefs, everything else in the world is subject to change.

For example, questioning the ethics of one's action/decision is very much a debated issue with no shades of grey. The 'hot' issue surrounding our country regarding the remark by Ahmad Ismail and the subsequent consequences involving medias and politicians had me thinking if their actions are right, ethical and justified. What's worse is that both contrasting sides prove themselves to be doing the right thing. I am not sure which side is right now, not to mention the trust I put in them when I cast my vote last March, believing that they will do the right thing for the nation.

So, you see, there is no such thing as 'right'. The word 'right' is too much a responsiblity to bear and its consequences which might involve others. When people say they are doing the right thing, what they really mean is that they are doing the acceptable thing within the context of the situation and its culture and norm.

It's about doing the thing/decision/action acceptable by many and majority - not necessary the right thing.

To conclude, there is no such thing as wrong answer now. Even scientific justification has its fault in it, and scientists are constantly questioning it. Galileo's idea that the Earth moves around the Sun which was first banned and rejected by many and also the Church, was proven to be right later.

Who doesn’t want to be great?

2008-09-12T17:40:00.002+10:00

In the heart of every human being, there is a deep longing to be great at something we are doing. Whether it’s being great in achievement or fame, we yearn for it, believing that that greatness or success will in some ways signify the meanings of our lives.

Living in the world where money is one of the hottest-topics for conversation among working-class people, we often perceive being great as to be successful and prestigious. Money is used to measure one’s success and publicity reflects how well one is respected and looked highly upon.

There are so many people who have made themselves to the world-greatest-people-list like Bill Gates, the late Pope John Paul II, Donald Trump, Obama, Tyra Banks, Nelson Mandela, David Beckham, and even Jerry Springer to list a few. Some did it to gain the attention of the world to see how well-off or ‘wonderful’ they are, while some did it for the good of others – they are those who self-sacrifice for the good of mankind and for peace of the world.

Having said that, who doesn’t want to be great?

I am one of those who want to be great one day. In fact, I want to be rich one day if I can. I have a draft plan of what I will become when I am 30 years old. I want to earn big bucks and achieve big dreams which can satisfy all my needs and wants. When I was in the final year in QUT, I came to realize that I am capable of achieving anything I want in life. I want to stand out from the rest.

However, there’s always something holding me back. I realize that things I want in life may not be the things that really matter. Often, I had to stop walking, and reevaluating my purpose in life. In other words, I am constantly reminded to reevaluate where I am now and what I am doing now.

Some parts of me are afraid that I will one day regret doing what I have been doing, having to make the wrong choices, and neglecting the things that really matter to me.

And thank God, today I came across a verse in WYD article which I have found an answer to believe in. Our Lord Jesus says, “For the one who is least among you is the one who is the greatest” (Luke 9:48).

The verse is described as,

“The least are the humble and pure of heart, those – who far from weak and timid – are strong enough in spirit not to have to big note themselves or be the centre of attention or success. They are the ones who realize their greatness does not depend upon success in what they have or how they are regarded. Their measure is the greatness of the cause they serve, the horizon to which their life points. The least are those cooperate daily with God’s grace, recognizing their strength is little and the Lord is the one who makes it fruitful.” (Bishop Anthony Fisher OP, WYD2008)

Therefore, it is my will to truly put my trust and faith in Him – to be alert of his knocking. However, I found this to be particularly difficult because there are many distractions and temptations around me everyday. It is difficult to recognize the good from bad, or the best from the second best. Sometimes, the good thing is so tempting that it draws me away from what matters most. Very difficult indeed. It is even more difficult to not know when I am no longer staying on-course.

It is good also to remind myself of the verse, ‘Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and then all the rest of these good things will be given to you’. Perhaps, my focus should be on Him first then I will be clearer.

It’s pleasing to know that I am not be alone in this journey, and I never will.

let it go

2008-09-05T19:45:00.000+10:00

I once read, when you are down to nothing, God is up to something. How do we know when God is up to something? How do we know if it’s God’s work?

Last Monday, I received a bad news from PPDK Selangau. My application for transfer was rejected. I got utterly frustrated. The only reason given was ‘Belum cukup tempoh’. To me, this excuse was rubbish. It simply showed how unwilling they are in dealing with transfer matter. Completely unprofessional. That day and the following days turned out to be horrible for me.

Friends and colleagues suggested me to go face-to-face with the PPDK’s boss. I saw that as a reasonable thing to do, so I took their advice and called him up the next morning, but was not successful. He was not in until Wednesday.

Not wanting to give up hopes and chances, I told myself to try again tomorrow. In my mind, I was determined to negotiate my issues and get my appeal approved. All I ever wanted was to win this and get out from here.

Somehow that evening, as I sat down feeling still a little depressed with the rejection, something unexpected happened. While many things and grudge were still running in my mind, something else tried to knock softly. This something was trying to ask me to sit still and calm down. I did exactly so.

When I was finally calm, I started to say a little prayer. Then I began to reevaluate the whole thing about getting transfer and the intention behind transferring.

New light started to shine upon me as I tore down my wall of stubbornness to see what’s really good for me. It brought me back to my first intention of leaving which is to leave as every one else is planning on moving. Has it not because of them leaving, I won’t even be thinking of getting transfer. To leave based on that is not right because I am only running away from my problem.

Every once in a while, new people come and go, and there’s good in everyone who has come and go. If I can change my mind to think like that, I can go anywhere and live comfortably with everyone and do good to them. It’s part of life that we meet new people and network with the olds.

Hence, I have decided to stay. Yet, there are other reasons why I am staying put which I am not going to pen here.

Though I stopped thinking of going for an appeal, I don’t like to think of myself giving up or not wanting to take chances. I think it goes beyond all those. This time I let it go.

I think sometimes, behind all my struggles and determined spirits to get everything I want, there is something more important God wants me to have. I might not have everything I want, I have everything I need. Though I may not have seen its full goodness yet, hopefully one day I will.

He is always knocking on the door of my heart, but many times, I am too stubborn and lazy to listen to him. This time I have made my decision. And I hope I did the right thing, and shall have no regret looking back on it next time.

losers - jealousy

2008-08-30T02:41:00.006+10:00

I don't know why, but I think this world is so full of losers who like to mess with people, especially with people who are more successful than them and those who have something they don't have, i.e. money, carrier, reputation, beauty, love, intelligence etc. I loathe this kind of people.

Perhaps, jealousy is the word to describe this kind of people. It often happens when others have something the losers want. Instead of doing good or going for what they want in fair manners, they try to take it away and bring them down by evil means. Bad-mouthing and back-stabbing are just what losers commonly do to get other people believe.

I am saying this because I realize that as life goes on, when you are successful, not many people will like you - not even when you are doing the right thing. In reality, some 'friends' want to screw you real hard until you lose your determination and patience. They are there to steal everything from you. And very often, they do it for the love of it. In fact, it costs them nothing to go around screwing people up.

Yet I think sometimes humans think in such a way that they don't like to see others winning. It's okay if they are doing nothing when they are jealous of other people's success. It's okay also to be jealous of others and at the same time do something positive about it for personal self-improvement. But it is never okay to bad-mouth them directly or indirectly when they in fact have nothing good against them.

On my part, I think I have more to learn on transforming my jealousy of others into positive endeavour for self-development. I also need ways to deal with real losers. I love to punch them if I can, but I don't think it would be enough. There is a popular saying my close juniors in maktab used to imitate, 'If you hit me, I hit you back HARDER'.

a life meaningful to live in

2008-08-18T01:51:00.008+10:00

(picture courtesy of tamucc.edu)

I have a friend who told me, 'My life is meaningful. I am happy with my life. I don't need a girlfriend." Yet, when I really thought about his life, I doubted it. This is a respond from a man who is 30 years old, and he is still single. When asked why he doesn't want to look for a girlfriend, he gave me ten 'good' excuses which eventually shut me up.

Come to think of it, I don't think my thought really matters. Who am I to judge his life is not happy? It's his life anyway.

On the other hand, I like to think about what it means to live a meaningful life.

You see, nothing in this world has meaning in itself unless we individuals give it a meaning. For example, the word 'dog' has no meaning until people give it a meaning of a common four-legged animal, and kept as a pet. My kids would not know what 'dog' is unless I explain to them. Imagine if I were to tell them it is a flying creature, they will associate it with a bird.

I like to think our lives behaves the same way too. Our life is basically meaningless unless we give it a meaning. And until we give our life a purpose to live, our life is hopeless.

I think this is utterly important as I realize that children at a very young age do not what they want from life. It's absolutely normal and OK of them not to realize now. But we as teachers need to impart on every child the very reason why they are coming to school.

I used to lecture a group of kids preparing for UPSR this year. When asked the reason they come to school, they said they were there to study and to get many A's. When asked of the meaning of learning English, Science or even Bahasa Melayu, they had no reply.

Hence, the conventional thinking used by many parents to force their children to think coming to school is to get good grades can no longer be used in today's world. Children need better reasons than this.

They need to know they are there not just to learn some boring grammar, but also to learn some useful skills which are essential for them to work in the workforce next time as much as to communicate effectively with others in a manner which is ethically desirable.

What about when when we are adults now? How do we know if we are living a meaningful life?

I don't know myself too well. But I do know if I am living a life with purpose, knowing what i am doing, what I want to achieve, knowing the significance of the things I want, learning new things from each failure or mistakes, I am living a life which is meaningful.

Yet, it's always a struggle and not easy to know if what I do is correct or is leading me to a meaningful outcome. New things I learn and take in may not always be the right thing to do. Sometimes I am caught in a moral dilemma of which decision to make. This requires a lot of deep thinking and practical logical alternatives, in addition to listening to what other people think.

It turns out that people who acclaim themselves living a meaningful life have every reason for their actions. Every decision they make has its own justification. Whether it's right or wrong, that's another matter. That's their own business.

After all that is said and done, it's never been easy to live a meaningful life. Frequent evalution and reflection of oneself may help in the process.

Is this what gives life a meaningful one to live in?

(picture courtesy of whatidiscover)

Perhaps, I should play the song 'When I grow up' by Pussycats Dolls. It will be great, won't it?

I love my kids - 2008

2008-08-16T15:32:00.006+10:00

I love my kids in school. Let me tell you why.

Year 1
Before this, you didn't know how to sit still; now, you can sit down quietly for an hour.
Before this, you only knew ABC; now, you know how to read sentences.
Before this, you only kneww 1 2 3; now, you can count to hundred.
Before this, you were naughty and uncontrollable; now, you are still naughty, but you behave at least when i raise my rotan.
Before this, you knew nothing about English song; now, you know Do-Re-Mi and many more.

Before this, I only knew one word of Iban; now, i know more than 20 words of Iban.
Before this, I raised my voice when you were noisy; now, i know it is your nature to be noisy.
Before this, I insisted a lot on you writing; now, i want you to learn to enjoy reading and hands-free writing.
Before this, I thought that all humans are born equal; now, i know some of you are smarter than another, while some need more repetition and encoragement than others.
Before this, I got disappointed easily when you failed to learn what i teach; now, i am trying new different ways for you to learn.

Year 3 & 4
Before this, so many of you were still illiterate; now, some of you have improved.
Before this, a handful of you didn't even know ABC; now, you know ABC and phonetic.
Before this, so many of you hated English; now, i think you still hate it, but you have to love it because i say so.
Before this, none of you was brave to speak up in English; now, a handful of you are speaking to me in broken English of which i am glad.
Before this, you never had the motivation to learn English; now, you are slowly making the initiatives to learn a word or two of English a day.
Before this, you didn't know how to read; now, you can read two paragraphs.

Before this, I didn't know what heck you were talking about; now, i know when you kutuk behind my back.
Before this, I said i'll can you if you fail English; now, i say you are responsible for your own learning.
Before this, I was quick to give punishment; now, i think thrice of the consequences of punishment i give.

Should I leave next year, i shall thank these kids for bringing changes to my life.

To go or not to go?

2008-08-10T23:17:00.000+10:00

It’s that time of the year now that teacher around the nation who wishes to transfer can submit their transfer application. The first semester has seen one teacher submitting his form but was being rejected. Now I see more of that coming. And I wonder should I do the same?

One thing that has been bothering me so far is that people do not seem to be emotional when thinking of getting transferred after having to spend a year of building a carefree community. When I looked at them and their facial expressions, I see that their anxiety to leave the school is higher than together building a community of togetherness.

When asked for their opinions and also of others outside the community, I realized that these experienced people are used to this trend of asking for transferred, and that this is part of life. Is it?

I, being a beginning teacher of almost a year experience here am expecting the worst, which is seeing almost everybody leaving and disappearing by early next year. It would be pretty traumatic of me seeing this and being the one still standing there.

So, I am thinking of whether I should do what they do? It was not my intention at first to leave the school until I get my pengesahan “confirmed” in my post. However, looking at this situation today, I can’t think of not leaving due to some of the similar factors my colleagues are leaving. *these factors are private and confidential and hence will not be shared and discussed here*

Yet, leaving would mean a totally different new environment for me if it is granted. It would mean me adapting to new environment, new administration, new management, new colleagues, new community, new students, new expectation, new tasks, and new challenges. Am I ready to take up all these?

You know, sometimes I am amazed by these foreign people coming from all over the world. Their willingness and love to venture out and seeking new horizons have made some of them really successful. Educational professors for example, do not stick to one university for long. After a few years, you see them working with a new university or better in another country. How do they cope with changes?

Not leaving, on the other hand would mean I will stick to the same environment and everything. Everyday will be another day passing by, experiencing the same difficulties which has contributed to the factors why some people are leaving.

At the end of the day, I think I need a good reason and purpose which are greater than reality to leave. I want to get as close to home as I possibly can. I don’t mind about the new workloads from the new administration, but I do mind them taking some care of my welfare. I want to see new places and meet new people, rather than staying put while meeting new people. I am ready for new challenges. I want to be one leaving rather than the one left behind. Somehow, I prefer saying goodbye of leaving than goodbye to people who are leaving.

I think I have made up my mind – ask to LEAVE.

*FYI, not all applications for transfer are granted. Yet, at least I have made an attempt to try. So, even if I fail, I will have no regrets right?*

Being Curious

2008-08-07T07:16:00.000+10:00

Is curiosity a good thing? If it’s good, why we have the old saying that goes, curiosity killed the cat? How much curiosity is too much? How should I manage my level of curiosity?

I am a curious person. In fact, everyone is. All humans are born curious. If not, we won’t be thinking for and seeking new ideas and having new inventions every day. Great people are curious people for example.

However, I found that curiosity may not always be a good thing lately. Asking too many questions may not be the right thing to do. And sometimes I realized that my questions have caused the person to get so annoyed, that the responses in replied were more likely to be ‘I don’t know… don’t ask me’.

And sometimes, some people don’t like to share their personal life or are not comfortable to share their experience. Being curious in this situation can turn out to be pretty daunting and risking his chances of getting negative responses.

Also, being curious about something for self-gain or self-advantage may not always be good. The negative intention underlying the many questionings may in fact cause the person to be extra cautious of what he is up to, and inevitably leads the person to have negative impression on him.

Being overly curious about what people are doing is not good as well. As much as I am interested in what people are thinking and how they are thinking, sometimes I think I am too curious about what they are doing. Thinking of this, I don’t think it is a wise idea to be curious about what others are doing. It’s not my matter or problem anyway. Why should I care? I must always remind myself of the phrase, ‘Mind your own business’.

Moreover, being overly curious about what people are thinking of you is never a good idea. Though it is good to think what people think generally about what you did and how you’d done. It is not wise to over indulge in their opinions, as you do what you think it’s best and right. Trust yourself. As I’d heard from one TVB drama, it said ‘Stand firm. If you think you do the right thing, you shall not be afraid of what’s coming on you.’ But very often, the struggle is the question of when do we know we are doing the right thing? I believe that having clear clarification and feedback from appropriate people can help justify our mind and thinking.

So now, the questions remain, when is it appropriate to draw the line? When do we know when we are being healthily curious and over curious? When should ask questions and when not?

I don’t know. But I know it’s important to ask the right question at the right time and maybe at the right place. And it’s something I should evaluate myself everyday.

Consistency

2008-07-17T02:24:00.000+10:00

The word consistency often implies one of behaving and performing in a certain and similar specific way continually. And it is something that I suck at doing ever since I was a little boy.

One good example dates back to my childhood when I once loved playing piano. One day my mum brought me for piano lessons. After a year or so, for whatever reason, I stopped loving piano as I used to. I told my mum I wanted to stop after Grade 3 but she said, ‘Since it was you who first said you wanted to learn piano, so you gotta finish at Grade 5 at the very least’. I did it at last.

Now that I am much older, I can recall many things in lives which I lost out many things due to the lack of consistency in me. I am not sure if this is what becomes of me today. But I definitely hear my parents said something like this to me, ‘got head but no tail’ (meaning getting in of doing something, but dropping halfway through it).

I realized that many times, I wanted to change for the better. I have all the good fabulous plans in my head of how things will go about with this new change. But after few weeks or months, this plan of change slowly slackens. And slowly, with new agendas coming in, and old habits – complacency etc – kicking in, I unconsciously return to my own self. That’s why I hate consistency, or the idea of being consistent.

In school, one struggle of being a beginning teacher is to be consistent in what I am doing. We know all the good values a teacher should have, but I don’t think I have it all. One of the values, for example is to be firm with the kids. Firm does not mean strict like teacher never smiles in class, but rather be definite in his decision-making and flexible in seeking and accepting alternatives, underpinned by his fundamental principle of what is right and wrong.

The beginning few months were a struggle for me. As much as I wanted to be a boss in class, I also wanted to be a teacher who enjoys talking to the kids, connecting with the kids, learning new language and culture from them and even making crazy jokes with them. At first, things sometimes could get pretty out of control with kids laughing and starting to get impolite. But slowly, I learnt to take charge and was firm with my intervention. They too start to know what is to expect of them with their behaviour and when I am making jokes with them.

This is just one example of me being consistent in class. Despite having to take charge, I am still struggling with the consistency in punishment and dynamism to teach on day when I have 9 periods.

Also, there are many things in my lives that I am not having the consistency of doing. I think I am just lazy. Yes, lazy. I’m very lazy indeed. Nothing can beat my laziness when I am truly lazy.

Yet, I cannot allow this to get control of me. I know I will have more to lose if I continue to be one. And being losers many times, I must look for solution now – how not to be lazy but to be consistent instead.

Been there, done that. There is only one solution. Yes, only one. And it’s none other than my one and only redeemer and shepherd, Jesus Christ. Believe me when I said, all that I become today is because of Him. And all that I will become tomorrow is because of Him too. And today, I pray for Holy Spirit, for His strength, grace and perseverance to make myself new again on the inside and transform my heart (see Ezekiel 36:25-27).

A verse to reflect today: “Not by power and might, but by your spirit Lord” (Zechariah 4:6)

The Beauty in Mind of Learning

2008-07-14T00:19:00.004+10:00

Have you ever wanted to stop learning? Or have you ever learned something from something? Or have you ever thought of the purpose of you learning something?

I think learning is very much a self-fulfillment endeavour. Learning is a self-discipline and self-discovery voyage that opens one's mind to different and perhaps greater ideology, beliefs, knowledge and reasoning. In many occasions, learning itself is self-fulfilment as I achieve what I am passionate of knowing. Learning can also be a ‘self-inflicted’ experience which brings both pains and joys to one. Why do I say that?

When I was in university (QUT), I never thought of learning. Believe me, but it’s true. Learning can refer to getting knowledge or skill in a new subject, and to start to understand that you must change the way you think. In my context, it refers to the latter. Back then, learning is more of studying and acquiring certain knowledge in a particular field required in order to get good grades. In simpler words, it’s like doing assignments for the sake of getting good grades. I never understood why I did what I was doing.

It was until when I had finished my first year in QUT with 2 High Distinctions and 1 Distinction that I realized that this is not what learning is all about. Life after all is not just about getting good grades or determined by the total of A’s you get. I started changing my perspective towards Education as something that I want to use to teach my kids and make changes in their language proficiency. My beloved lecturer and mentor, Dr Jo Carr once told me that grade doesn’t reflect how well one teaches. How true. And this learning has definitely proven more meaningful to my life and my teaching carrier.

Yet, now that I am stepping into this carrier of teaching, I cannot imagine myself being a teacher in the next 30 or so years – 56 years old or 2040. It’s not that I don’t enjoy myself teaching, but I think there are more that I am to become than being a teacher. To see that my Year 3 and 4 children growing up one day and becoming doctors or engineers or even teachers makes me think I might one day be left behind too if I am only thinking of being in this carrier.

I think I have more to contribute than just being who I am today. Sometimes, I get pretty bored with things going on in schools because everyday is just another day passing by. That’s bad to think so isn’t it? It is bad cos I can feel my brain slowly stops thinking. And when my brain stops thinking, I eventually stop learning.

But there’s something inside which always nudges me whenever I am over lazy. Lazy here doesn’t refer to being lazy physically but rather mentally. And sometimes when I watched Astro and came across shows like Inventors, Megastructures, Great Minds and The Apprentice, I would think to myself why I can’t be like them. Or perhaps one day I will be like them too?

The world today has so many influential people. And each of them has his/her own very story to tell and inspire the world. People that I like to watch and listen to are like Donald Trump, Robert Kiyosaki, Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Steve Forbes, Tony Fernandes, Lim Goh Tong, Steve Jobs or even players like Christiano Ronaldo, Messi and Cesc Fabregas. All of them make wonders, inventions multi-billions deals and business. And some of them contribute so much to the world and become great philanthropists of the needy.

What about me here? Am I going to be here living my life forever as a teacher? Is this sufficient for me? Oh nooooo. I am not going to stick to this teaching carrier forever, though I do have passion for teaching. I need to get out from here. Perhaps, it’s time to change my mindset now. For all you know, I am greater than life – to think great things, to do great things, and to start learning NOW.

Learning is after all a self-interested act which never stops one from thinking. And that’s the beauty of mind of learning.

Rotan or Verbal Reprimands?

2008-07-06T13:18:00.005+10:00

Recently, I have stopped using cans 'rotan' or doing any form of physical punishments on my Year 3 and 4's kids.

I am one teacher who uses can a lot, especially back in the first semester. I would bring a can everywhere I go. And wherever I walked, Ss walking in my direction from miles far would turn around and used another path. I was more like a discipline teacher than an English teacher. And kids' parents there often give us free rotans, ranging from small to huge rotan of half an inche thick diametrically.

But in class, I often resorted to rotan whenever Ss had behaved wrongly, lazy to complete homework, and failed in spelling test. And each time before I canned them, I got so het up and felt my nerve boiling up. Yet, I didn't feel better after that. I felt more guilty canning them. After all, I don't think canning helps solved the situation. Neither did it help improved the Ss' spelling competency.

So, beginning June this year, I decided to stop canning my kids. Simply because I don't want to get too angry with them, or in fact i should get angry with them, but I should manage my anger by using another method. I decided to use verbal reprimands.

And it's time for verbal-reprimand experiment (real case, real experiment)!

Each time I found Ss not paying attention or talking, I would either stop and stare at him, or I would call out his name. This has proved effective so far. And if he is still talking, I asked him to leave the class now if he decides not wanting to learn (Yes, i did that!). This has proved to be very effective too.

If Ss are not having enough interest or engagement in learning, I would tell them stories of the importance of English, and their responsibilies to learning. So, I am integrating motivational elements into the teaching of English language. And so far, this has proven to be effective (at least for few days, before I started nagging again).

Basically, I don't know of which theory I derive this classroom management. But I clearly know I am imparting a sense of responsibility in each of them so that they will always be reminded to be responsible for their own learning and actions (discipline). If they persist to act, think and behave in their old ways, I have no idea. I have yet to think of what to change them.

But i have to say that some Ss are genetically low in IQ or mental maturity. You might mean well, they understand you, but they are still the same. They don't have enough courage and willingness to change. Simply because this is their nature - they are children. So the nagging goes on......

So you see, there is no use to engage rotan here. Because children are still children. They still play, jump, run, crawl and do funny things after you rotan them. So, what's the use of canning them? If it's not too serious, there is no need to rotan them. Save your energy, save your mind for doing better things.

Last week, I have one boy in Year 4 who poured water on electric switch, and forced his friends to touch it. Luckily, nothing bad happened. Yet, me as the class teacher had to punish him. He knew what he did was wrong, yet he did it. When asked why he did it, he said he just wanted to play. I would have easily taken out my half-an-inch rotan, but i didn't. As this is a serious case, the punishment for him would be to do community service. So he is sentenced to clean teacher quarters' compound. I am sure this will be a good lesson for him.

To what extent is verbal reprimands effective in classroom management and behaviour management, I have yet to find out. Probably I can give a better answer at the end of this year when I have enough cases and experiences and real stories to back up its effectiveness.

As for rotan, I am still using it for my Year 1's kids. Without seeing a rotan raised high on air, they will always be little monsters running and jumping in the class. But I am learning to use less of it each time I go in. So, rotan's still effective ey?

cross-cultural marriages?

2008-07-05T21:37:00.009+10:00

(picture courtesy of mayakarin-fc.blogspot.com)

Reading today's headlines on NST "Actress Maya Karin to wed British teacher" makes me wanna write something on cross-cultural marriage.

To date, cross-cultural marriages are seen as a common trait. It is no longer seen as a shocking news when people were sceptical of couples of different cultures or races getting married. In Malaysia alone, we have three main ethnics group: Malays, Chinese and Indian. And it would be difficult for one to deny that any of these unique ethics groups isn't attracted to the other groups.

In Peninsular, we have Chindian (a mix of Chinese and Indians), Chinmays or Chilayu (a mix of Chinese and Malays), Mamak (an unpleasant label for a mix of Indian and Malays). And in Sabah and Sarawak, I am proud that we have more: Ciban (a mix of Chinese and Iban), Sinokadazan (a mix of Chinese and Kadazan), Eurasian (a mix of ang-mo and Malaysians), and many more kacukan that we haven't given them a label. All of these give to the beauty of cross-cultural marriage.

However, for these minority couples who had gone through cross-cultural marriages, they will tell you it is not easy or it has never been easy. It takes up a lot of one's energy, concentration, understanding of the other's beliefs, patience, tolerance, time, trusts and most importantly love to keep him going and the relationship working.

One thing that has always been such a headache and sometimes a cause for the break-up is blessing from each other's family. Many times, cross-cultural marriage will not be so complicated and difficult if families from both parties can agree or have no negative perception to this notion. This however has not been the case, marriage involving other cultures may ignite fear and insecurities among some families, particularly if they are the conservative ones. They fear badly for their son that he will stop practising his own cultures and way of lives, and start practising his partner's cultures and lifestyles. The lost of one's heritage, cultures, language and more importantly beliefs in religion are some reasons why some families are so sceptical of cross-cultural marriage.

Yet, we can't deny what beauty cross-cultural marriage can bring to us if we can deal with them nicely. There will be sharing of both unique cultures, understanding of each culture, further appreciation of celebration celebrated together and additional language learnt and shared between both. I personally have friends whose parents are of different ethnics and cultures who are beautiful physically and emotionally. They know more than just one mother tongue and they are better off understand another culture. And they have more celebrations than us who only have one.

As bystanders, we often think it is easier looked than done. We thought of how great and beautiful these couples' lives are. What we don't know is the hardship they have gone through and the many obstacles they had dealt with. And as I said again, a lot of selfless sacrifices, mutual understanding, listening, negotiation, give and take, trust and love will be needed to keep this relationship and marriage going. It is one huge decision one has to make once in a lifetime. And the saying that goes 'they live happily ever after' heard in fairy tales is just some plain crap.

And to Maya Karin and Muhammad Ali 'Steven' Muhammad, Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! i wish mine's in Milan too...

Robert Kiyosaki's inspirational quotes

2008-06-15T17:53:00.003+10:00

Those of you who knows Robert Kiyosaki know he is one of the world's most prominent investors as well as educators. He produced books on financial education which has opened eyes of many on how money flows and how one can build their own financial independence.

I found this video on YouTube which has quoted his words, and would love to share with you.

Cheers

Happy Father's Day, dad

2008-06-15T01:27:00.003+10:00

It's Father's Day today, and I would like to dedicate this special day to all the daddies out there, and most importantly to my own dad, Ling Teck Lo.

He is a man with few words, but with many actions. Over the years, I found that he is not the type of man who would verbally utter how much his love is for me and my brother, but rather in all his doings, he has already shown me he is a genuine father: someone who protects, guides, cares, sacrifices and loves me unconditionally. His actions speak beyond his words.

I learned a lot from my father: his determination, patience and open-mindedness. Probably the most prominent observation is his patience and calmness in dealing with difficult situations. He ain't got no formulas for it. But clearly, he does have his conscious mind to reason things rationally, and not jump straight into conclusion. Simple and easy.

I know I am not as patient as he is now. And certainly, I'm learning to be like him one day.

Happy Father's Day.

An Open Mind - Give your mind space to sort itself

2008-06-08T16:19:00.004+10:00

On each Sunday's Borneo Post, there is a small article speaking on self-help and self-empowerment. It's written by a lady named Bridget Menezes. I particularly like this week's edition, hence, decided to copy and paste it down for your reading. It goes like:

Giving your mind space to sort itself

The power to pack up is the ability to stop wasteful thinking.

It is simply to control our mind which is the thinking faculty, our intellect the judging faculty and our memory the recording faculty. These are our three servants. There should not be a battle, for battles are with enemies. This is the time to make friends and uplift our servants to be more like our ministers, our inner cabinet.

We should encourage our mind to take a break. Shut down the production line for a while, and make quietness a luxury.

When our intellect, our ever-enquiring faculty asks us why it should also be quiet, still and patient, tell the intellect that the understanding it seeks only comes when it listens and observes, not when it questions and searches. Invite it to relax and just watch and observe what is going on.

Regarding the memory, when our old negative tendencies trigger fear, hatred, or other negative emotions, we can lovingly change them to be positive. The effect of these positive vibrations not only goes to the world outside but makes an impact on each and every cell in the body. There will be a positive response.

I have to help myself giving some time to myself to remain silent. If there is physical illness, everyone will fuss around me, sympathise with me and take me to the doctors, but with mental illness, no one comes to my aid.

So meditation here becomes essential because doing it on regular basis, I develop a calm natur. A mind which is congested with impressions is given space to sort itself out.

Thought for reflection: In silence, there is stability and the impact of that will influence people to think positively.

(photo courtesy of lifedynamix)

listen to us, and be heard

2008-06-04T23:47:00.007+10:00

(picture courtesy of customersrock)

It is always interesting to listen to what elders have to say. They are the ones who had walked through all sorts of life. I for one like to listen to what they have to say; however that doesn't mean I am taking in what they say. What they said are truthful, honest, and most of the time substantiated with substance. And when they do tell stories to us the young ones, you will see that their words or advices are of certain confidence in them.

However, be it words or advices or simply everyday sharing, I found out that this form of sharing has another effect on the speaker, as well as the listener. It goes more than just sharing information or emotions. Whether you realise it or not, the speaker does impart certain influences on the listener. In other words, besides simply sharing tiny bits of events happening in one's life, there is a tendency that these "experienced" ones are trying to influence you of their ideology, beliefs, and values. Slowly, you will find that these ones will inform or convince you of whether what you did is either 'right' or 'wrong', and sometimes there is no two ways to it.

In the end, you will find that sharing is no longer just having someone listening to you - to simply listen, but there are certain levels of reasoning going on in the conversation, which sometimes may end up with 'right' and 'wrong' of the things you did. And this is exactly why I hate at times.

Have you ever met this kind of people?

Sometimes, all we ask is to be heard and to be listened. We ask you because we think you are the 'experienced' ones who somehow can be our good ears, good listeners. But all you are telling us is that what we think is 'right' or 'wrong'.

Somehow, it is interesting to note that things will not get as complicated if what we and the 'experienced' ones think is of the same bandwidth. But things do tend to get a little out of hand sometimes when people are not thinking of the same bandwidth.

I would believe that it is still OKAY even when people do not think at the same bandwidth, considering both parties at least make an attempt to listen and understand each other's situation. Listen. Listen - to not interrupt in the middle of conversation or have mentally put a judgment on something without even trying to understand. But, that wasn't the case for many 'experienced' ones.

Yet, we need to understand that somehow these 'experienced' ones should be given the credit to judge things or decisions as 'right' or 'wrong' as firstly, they meant well - their willingness to help in the matter, secondly, they have walked through many obstacles - in other words, they eat more salts than us eating rice. And thirdly, these obstacles make them who and how they are today, shaping their view of what life really is as well as the philosophy of life.

If you do look carefully, I have not mentioned the word 'wisdom'. This word is often too big a word, or too big its meaning, that sometimes, the 'experienced' ones always think of themselves being the 'wise' ones. I do believe that even one has walked through all sorts of obstacles or challenges, they have become wiser, one common misunderstanding made by the 'experienced' ones. Many beggars or retirees do have walked through many troubles in life before they can still stand firm or sit where they are today in dark alley or coffee shops. But have they got any wiser?

These are just some extreme examples used to demonstrate the case. But the question remains, should the 'experienced' ones decide for us what's 'right' or 'wrong' of what we have done or will do in the future.

One thing the 'experienced' ones need to understand about us is that though they meant well, they have to admit that our lives is not their lives. Or, this is not their lives. Or, you are not helping me live the way you want it. We are the ones who are living these lives of ours. And most importantly, we come from different social and cultural backgrounds as compared to where you came from last times. The time today is much more challenging than 50 years ago. And we have this globalization that brings in it different vast values, cultures, and beliefs which shapes our views to what life really is.

And what we need is guidance on how to make the right decision, not you attempting to convince us to practise your so-called 'wise' philosophy or beliefs. We look more on alternatives and reasonings and mature discussions than just decisions and 'right' or 'wrong'. We can't learn if you keep telling us what to do, and all you say is 'what you think is actually wrong'.

Who are you to say what I think is 'wrong'? Have you in the first place tried to understand my situation and what I've been through?

I guess in the end, the 'experienced' ones may not be really experienced. They still bring with them a sense of selfishness of what they think or believe is correct, and that's childish.

Wisdom grows with experience and reflection, but experience alone does not grow with wisdom.

(picture courtesy of Microsoft)

And I pray, Lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, COURAGE to change the things I can, and the WISDOM to know the difference.

ps: would like to thank my parents all these while for being so understanding and open-minded. And I think being able to engage in a non-judgmental discussion will always be a win-win situation.

away

2008-05-29T09:20:00.002+10:00

am away to KL today for this Sat's Commencement

an International Conference on Developments in the Pedagogy of International Languages: A Gateway for Practitioners

02-04 June 2008

A Journey with Him Part II – digging out the roots

2008-05-22T12:22:00.001+10:00

In the early parts of the seminar, the boy came across many posters written with beautiful scriptures. He was however struck by one which has the figure of Jesus knocking on a door that has NO door handle from outside, and it’s written, “Listen! I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into his house and eat with him, and he will eat with me’ (Revelation 3:20).

The boy knew what the scripture was saying. Literally, it means we have to stay alert because Jesus is standing at the door and knock; and if anyone who hears His voice and opens the door (the heart), He will come into his heart and live with him.

But the boy felt nothing about it. He heard nothing even when he had tried to open his heart. For years the poor boy had been listening, but there was no answer to the very questions he asked of Him. He did not get what God was trying to tell him. He had not seen what God wanted of him.

The following day was Sunday, and that’s where Christians all over the world would go to church for mass and Eucharist celebration. When Bishop Dominic was giving his sermon on the feast of Holy Trinity, the boy finally heard something which could be the answer to his very question – 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 “Three times I prayed to the Lord to take it away. But his answer was: ‘My grace is all you need, for my power is greatest when you are weak…”

This immediately prompted the boy’s mind. He began thinking what the Bishop said. In the Bishop’s talk, he said Jesus said I have given you everything you need to live a happy and peaceful life. Why are you still complaining? Why are you still asking for more? The blessings I gave you is sufficient for you to live a happy life, why do you need to go search for more material and humanly things?

It daunt on the boy that for all these while, he had set his focus wrong. As life goes on, it was his greediness that made him want God to give him what he wants, not God giving him what He wants. And now, he was being reminded that what he is now and how he is living now was more than sufficient for him. And there was no need of him asking for more from God.

Humbly, he let go of his ego, knelt down in silent prayer of forgiveness. What's more is he thanked His Almighty Father for opening his eyes to see the unseen.

For let His will be done, not his. For His grace is all he need, and for His power is greatest when he was weak…

And indeed, the scripture of Revelation 3:20 sounded very true, “LISTEN! I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into his house and eat with him, and he will eat with me’.

listen.......

And his journey continues…

A journey with Him Part I - the route taken

2008-05-20T11:22:00.001+10:00

Once, there was a boy walking in the jungle. He wanted to find the meaning of life. So, he went, all by himself in the jungle. But he was never alone.

Throughout his journey in the jungle, he had always wanted another person to walk together with him. He wanted someone whom he can share everything with her, love her and to be loved. And indeed, he had met some very beautiful women in his journey. But, they did not work out well. Not because they were not beautiful physically – which in fact they are, but due to some differences in values and beliefs.

So, the boy did not give up. He kept walking. And as he walked, he would sometimes stop and pray. He prayed that one day he will cross path with the one woman he will love and be loved. Also in his prayer, he truly prayed for those who used to love him or still loved him, so that they too will one day find the one for them or understand who he is and his being. He waited and waited.

It’s been years now. One day, the boy stopped walking. He thought of all his prayers. None of them was answered. He started wondering if God has been listening to him. Enemy started to haunt him with the thoughts that God is not there and he was not worthy to be helped. And so he whined and complained, starting to get really impatient.

Just at that moment, he came across two routes. One looks green and straight – without any word on the route sign. The other one is greener but with its twists and turns – with the word ‘Inner Healing & Transformation Seminar’. The boy didn’t know which one to choose. And so, he sat there for days thinking which route to take.

In the end, he took the latter route though his conscious mind somewhat disagreed. Yet his heart asked him to give it a go with the reaffirmation of external signs around him. Suddenly, a scripture that has long been forgotten fall on him, “No eyes has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has imagined, what God has PREPARED for those who LOVE him” (1 Corinthians 2:9).

For all you know, the boy did not know what he was in for. Enemy in his mind still tried to deceive him to change his mind. But the boy refused to give in to the thought, for he believed one thing: there is always something - something God wanted to tell him there.

And so he went.

And his journey continues...

I'M LOST!

2008-05-11T17:44:00.002+10:00

Today, I had a talk with my good friend. As we talked, we slowly moved into the relationship topic. We started questioning why bad relationships happened and started questioning GOD. Hate this!

~~confusion, doubts and bitter~~

1. If you knows what's best for me, why would you put me in a few relationships that didn't turn out well?

2. Why would you take away people who have loved me so much (unconditionally) just because of some cultural and spiritual reasons?

3. Will I ever be back in the game?

4. Why can't you just give me the person i want to love and be loved for my entire life?

5. For months and years, i have been waiting for your answers, but where are you with your answers?

6. Where are you when we are deeply hurt? Were you there to heal us?

7. Why do my past experience kept haunting me when thinking of initiating a new relationship?

8. How long should i wait for you and your answer?

9. When are you coming exactly?

10. Why can't i see things the way you want me to see? Where are your signs and who are your messengers?

I'M LOST!

WHERE THOU ART????

Is grass really greener on the other side?

2008-04-27T00:52:00.014+10:00

Is grass really greener on the other side?

I don't know. Maybe you can share your points after this.

Recently, one of my good friends and I met together for supper after months of not-hanging-out. On such occasion, we would talk and chit-chat over what we are up to, our work and our social life. Unfortunately, he has resigned from his previous work due to some misunderstanding. I felt bad for him. However, that wasn't the point. The thing that struck me is that he told me he wants to leave Sibu, simply because the town is pathetic and also his very personal reasons. From his tone, i could sense he is dying to leave this place, being very optimistic that he will find the true him in the new place. Somehow, he is confident that if he ever gets out from this place, he would be a better person than he is now.

In my mind, i was thinking, Is he really going to be happy on the other side of the world? Is he really going to find his true self in the new place? Is the new place really that pleasing and better off?

Another experience. My colleague in school (not to mention his name) has been teaching for 7 years, and this is his second posting to the school I am teaching in now. It is the fourth months of us teaching here, but he is already thinking of a next transfer. He felt that the workload he has here is much more than what he had in his previous school in the rural. In fact, he has a heart of a gold, and a determination of an ant. But, this has not given him an easy path in school. Instead, he is made 'victim' to be taken advantage of. I feel bad for him. It just seems like being hardworking is not worth it as others may simply take advantage of you. He told me he wants to leave this place. He said he wants to go home, to a new school where workload will not be this heavy.

But in my mind, i was thinking, is life going to get easier for him in the new school? How sure is he that his new school will not give him more burdens and hassles? Is grass really greener in the new school?

This friend of mine is my best friend. He has finished his study end of last year. And he has been working in Bintulu but has now resigned from his position. Where is he now? He's in KL. Why such far? Simply because he believes the grass is greener on the other side. In March, when he was in Sibu, we had conversations over what he wants. He said he wants to go Singapore. He said it's much easier to find a decent job there. I informed him of its advantages and disadvantages. He said it's better for him to gain some experience overseas first. I nodded, hoping Singapore would give him a better job and pay. And he really thought that the grass would be greener on the other side.

However, as i did a catch up with my other friend in Singapore yesterday, he told me he is now in KL and is planning to return home. Why? Simply because he can't find a job there. Now he's thinking of doing his MBA, in which i believe it's better for him after all that had happened to him.

See, is grass really greener on the other side? Is situation really getting any better when we get to a new environment? Will we get happier on the other side of the fence? I don't know. Till today, I am constantly reminded of what my aunty (Ashwin's Mum) in Penang said. She once told me, many people think that grass is greener on the other side; they thought they would feel happier if they are on the other side of the fence.

But does it always happen?
The answer is NO.

Why?
Because in the end, they are still the same old them. They are them, they continue to be the same, and they never change. The weaknesses they had for years remain unchanged or even unidentified. In the end, they die without knowing why the green is NOT always greener on the other side.

The point i want to make here is that grass may not be greener on the other side. I use 'may not' because i still believe grass can be greener on the other side, but not always though.

Very often, we fail to identify that the problem we face is actually rooted within our own very self. We often substitute our problems with other people's fault. It's always their fault, not our fault. Seldom have we looked into the mirror and reflect that by some chances, the problem is actually us, not others.

And how often do we feel insecure when we found our friends have something that we don't: money, position, luck, abilities, confidence and talents. We felt that if we are in their shoes, perhaps we can do better than them, if not equal to them. Our insecurities and greediness get the best out of us, slowly flooding in our minds, as we start to lose appetite of the grass on our own side, but to think and indulge in the grass on the other side.

Without us noticing it, we slowly lose realizing all the good things on our side. What a shame! The grass on the other side is definitely green, not necessarily greener. But it's surely different. But to keep the grass on our side greener, we certainly can do something to make it green again.

By this, i probably mean we have to face it, nurture it, give it a different fertilizer which might actually work. In situations or problems when we can't change its reality, we certainly cannot change the fact of situation. Yet, we can certainly have control over the way we think. And we can change the way we think. We cannot give up, cannot run away from it, but to face it, to stay where we are.

Start all over again if that's the only choice we have. Try all different fertilizers, try all strategies, until we see the grass grow green again.

For all we do when faced with problems is to run to a greener side, what good will we get? We can't always run to a greener pasture everytime we have problems, can we?

To quote from a forwarded e-mail,

Touch someone with your love.
Rather than focus upon the thorns of life,
smell the roses and count your blessings!

Faith

2008-04-25T20:30:00.003+10:00

Read a forwarded e-mail today, and came across a phrase I have always wanted to say. This could probably be it.

"When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!"

Teaching Year 1

2008-04-15T00:23:00.001+10:00

Teaching Year 1 kids can be the hardest task there is in this world, especially when you are dealing with my class where every teacher has every reason to complain.

My Year 1 class consists of 14 kids, 8 girls and 6 boys. There are 3 who are generally smarter where learning for them is done without much repetition. So, I rank them the smart ones. However, there are two girls in this class who have difficulty learning. One of them is autistic though not medically proven, while the other one is categorized as slow learner. The rest of the girls are generally alright in their learning ability.

Now, the boys. Out of the 6 boys, 2 of them are hyperactive. Sitting still and keeping quiet are the hardest things to do for them. If I do a reading exercise on spelling and phonics, you can be sure their eyes are not on the words, but everywhere else except the words. Use rotan? Never work. Been there, done that, failed. Use more attractive materials? Yes, for the first few seconds. After that, their eyes are elsewhere again. Chose them to be leaders of groupwork? They don’t even know ABC’s, concentrate or even what task it is.

What’s up with the other four boys? They are ok at first. But slowly, I can see the hyperactive disease of the formers slowly seeps into the latter. So now all the boys become active and naughty and even lazy.

Everyday, not one teacher that comes out from Year 1 would say the class has been quiet that day. But instead, they would feel much more exhausted after having to scold them, lecture them, and instruct them repetitively in doing one thing. Until today, every teacher that comes out from Year 1 would compliment them on their obedience or quietness. This goes the same to me too.

But this bunch of kids can sometimes be amazing. Though given all these scolding and punishments, the kids did not appear to hate their teachers. Nor would they have a grudge on teachers. Every morning, they are the ones who will run to the car park and help us teachers carry our books and bags. They are the first ones that make you smile in the morning, as they are the first ones to greet you morning and carry your bags. Then, the whole troop of them will follow you to the staff room.

Kids are kids. They always look innocent and pure and their faces are as though written ‘I’ve no worries yo!’.

There were times when these kids took my breath away. There were times when these kids taught me to be more patience. And there were times when these kids talked Iban language to me, and when I showed no response, they laughed at my confused face. And more importantly, these kids challenged me how to be creative in teaching them how to learn.

And most importantly, these kids have taught me to give them sufficient and effective attention they need to complete a task. I found that Year 1 kids are especially in need of more attention. They are what I categorize them as the Attention Seekers. By showing them extra attention and care, you’ll see that there is a difference in their learning attitude. One thing is that the kids will know that they are being taken cared of and loved, and this gives them the confidence to finish up the task.

So if anyone were to tell me teaching Year 1 is the most challenging task there is in school, I am on your side.

And where there is love, there’s hope.

*She is Libia - the cutest attention seeker in class*

*from left: Mattgus, Miketyson (it's no joke k. that's his name), Nurul Atikah, Uridah & Betty*

*Uridah & Betty: the brainiest girls in class*

My First Graduation

2008-04-06T18:12:00.007+10:00

This is the day. This is the day to celebrate. The day I have been waiting for months and even years.

5½ years ago, I didn’t visualize I would go on the stage to receive my scroll, nor did I expect the outcome of my achievement would turn out to be as such.

But today, dream is no longer just a dream. The dream which was once thought impossible has now come true. It’s like a dream come true, like what people say.

*I received my bunch of graduation flowers*

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony in Nikko Hotel, Kuala Lumpur. It was great to be able to celebrate my graduation in this 5-Star hotel. And it is definitely greater to celebrate it with my parents and friends. But, to me, the greatest reason to be at this ceremony is to witness and celebrate what may seem to be an impossible-dream-come-true journey.

As the clock slowly ticked 12 noon, 18 of our Cohort 1 QUT have made it to arrive with their elegant looks together with their parents and closed ones. They too came to take pride of their sons and daughters' achievement on this grand day.

Many of us were excited to see each other, especially when none of us is transferred to the same school. That gave us more reasons to talk, share experiences, not forgetting gossip. All of us have changed, one way or another, physically or mentally. Some got taller, some got slimmer. But all of them were looking great.

*All well-dressed: Anas, Ah po, Chewy, Hani & I*

Then, it was time to dress up. When it was my turn to put on my regalia, I could just sense this feeling of pride and bliss. I felt like I have now graduated and that I am a grown up now. No longer am I a small kid anymore, depending on others or seeking for troubles. Then looking at others who already have their regalia on, their faces were filled with joy, happiness and a sense of achievement. We smiled, laughed and took photos together.

*With our regalia on: Me, Hani, Anas & Sawittri*

*With Smilley Faces: Chewy, Me & Po*

When it was time for the ceremony to begin, we walked into the hall slowly, acknowledging that this is our day of achievement and success. Over 100 audiences were there to greet and applause us as we walked in.

During the ceremony, we have short speech from Vice Chancellor, a Ph.D doctorate and Datin. The atmosphere then was simply solemn and grand. It was simply phenomenal and nerve-wracking that I couldn’t focus on what they said. My mind was already on the receiving scroll part.

Then it was time to walk up the stage to receive our scroll from our Vice Chancellor. When my name was mentioned, I walked up onto the stage, doffed my square hat as a sign of respect, shake his hand firmly, and receive my certificate. And he congratulated me.

The ceremony finished as long as the speeches and the receiving of the certificates were over. It was then time for light refreshment and photo taking. I had the chance to take picture with all the deans and Vice Chancellor. Most importantly, I got to take picture together with Dr. Jo.

*A photo with the Big Heads*

*With my most inspiring lecturer: Dr. Jo Carr*

Reflecting on this ceremony, I realized that though my journey for my Degree programme has ended, my journey is not over yet. There are still many journeys and roads ahead. And I myself am responsible of continuing on this journey of mine. And I shall take whatever that is good with me in this journey ahead. And indeed, this graduation will serve as a stepping stone for me to pursue what I want be in future.

Secondly, I realized that friends come and go. Many of us are now walking a different path – their own paths. And though many of us are starting off as teachers now, 20 years from now, I believe not many of us will remain in this teaching line. Some may leave while some may pursue higher position and education. Whatever it is, once we are friends, we will always remain as friends. And though we may be far apart, in our hearts, we still know we will be there for each other when there’s trouble.

This graduation opens my eyes that I am no longer a student. And that I am slowly entering young adulthood, which means more responsibilities, more things to think, more things to consider, and more decisions to be made.

Let’s hope that this graduation will not be the last, but be the encouraging experience to greater achievements.

Pre-graduation thoughts

2008-04-05T17:56:00.002+10:00

Coming to KL this time round gives a lot of meanings to me. It’s not the shopping that I seek though it is one of them. But, the graduation ceremony marking the end of the 5½ years of Degree programme I had undertaken.

I cannot explain how much I have changed over the past few years, especially the times I had in Brisbane. There were times of joy, happiness, delight, and celebration. And there were also times of sadness, disappointment, sorrow and pains.

In the end, I came back home alive.

All I can say is that QUT – its people, its surrounding, its community – has made me who I have become today. All these experience of learning, study, assignments, visitation, and social gathering have taught me everything I want to be a better person.

One of the biggest highlights in QUT, that some of you might have known, was when I failed in my Children’s Literature assignment (a 3 out of 7 grading scale). The unit lecturer wasn’t of any supportive at that moment. And that was my greatest defeat in my life as a student. It was then my coordinator, Dr Jo Carr who gave me the courage and support to help me through this period. And also Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior who never left me alone through this period with great resilient, persistence and determination. In the end, I managed to pull it through with a 5 in the final result. Thank you Lord.

I also want to thank my community of friends, especially those in our own cohort and Cohort 2. They are truly the greatest. Whenever there is celebration, everyone comes and celebrates. When someone needs help, we try our best to help. When there is time, we always chill out at Queen Street Mall, Cineplex Southbank, or even Korean and Chinese Restaurant – Hot Wok.

For Cohort 2, I am much blessed with the coming of 2 Catholic friends – Fatima Anne and Adel. With their helps and also others like Dave, Danny, Agnes, Angela etc, I had the courage to participate in prayer meetings and monthly camping. They are the ones blessed and sent by God to me to guide me.

I also want to thank my two parents for being so supportive of me in times of troubles and doubts. They are the ones who guide me in making the right decisions and in doing the right things. Though we seldom kept in touch through phone, I know in their hearts, they are praying for me always. And without them, I won’t be here attending this big ceremony today.

One of the many reasons why I could go on traveling is because of the job opportunities in Australia. For this reason, I thank Australia for giving me the money to earn and travel. My first experience of work in Bundaberg was awful but it taught me how to survive on foreign land besides giving me a new chance to work at beef factory in Toowomba. My return to Bundaberg for a second time was great, as it was the season for harvesting and I had great fun working there.

There is one last person I want to thank here. She is one greatest friend I have ever made and met when I was in overseas. Her name is Gloria Teng. I just want to take this opportunity to thank her and God for having our paths crossed. She guided and inspired me through my last semester in Australia, which was also my busiest yet the greatest semester in Australia. It’s difficult to explain the ways she did but she did it. And I thank her for that and appreciate them.

See, this coming to KL is not just a trip, but more than that. It marks the end of my study life and also a start to my new journey as an adult, a teacher, and someone who is greater than life.

More to come, more to see, more to achieve.
Be positive and be alert!

And thank you Lord for making all these things possible.

Back from Dead

2008-04-04T17:53:00.000+10:00

Yippee… I’m back, back from the long depriving months of blogging. At one point in time, I thought I would never ever return to blogging. But, here I am, still alive and very much kicking.

The past few months have been particularly hard and difficult for me. The workplace, the situation I’m in, the heavy responsibilities towards my kids, the dream I have, the vocation I seek, my own personal problems, and the different priorities I’ve set, have not come easy for me.

Sometimes, it is easier to just be ignorant of what’s around you, and to just go with the flow. Life is a better place when you don’t have to worry what’s happening around you or what comes tomorrow. Everyday passes by just like any other days – no surprises, no worries. Because surely, you know there is always a tomorrow and you see it just like any other day.

But, gone are the days when I have everything to think about, everything to be concerned of, dreams I have ever wanted to achieve, and dreams I plan for.

Gone are the days when I was resilient in times of defeat, when I took up the courage to face uncertainty, when I took certain risk to face the unexpected, when I drafted out plans of what I wanted to achieve and be the best of myself.

Which is better now? What happens?

First, I tried to blame my surrounding (SK Bukit Arip – too far, no Internet) for it; Then, I tried to blame people around me for not encouraging me like how I was being encouraged in Australia.

But then I failed. After all these months, I finally realized that I was wrong. All these blames proved pointless. The blame should be on me myself, not on others. I must take whole responsibility of who I am becoming today.

Just because my environment is not like the one in Australia, I should not have blamed on the environment. Instead, I should blame myself for not trying an effort to adapt to this environment now.

Last year, I proved to myself that even in the non-conducive environment of IPBA, I could still persist and retain all A’s. Why can’t I do it now? What has gone wrong now?

Perhaps, it was my tendency to blog when there is internet on. And every weekend when I have internet, I became so lazy to reflect. And, there goes my go-with-the-flow attitude.

Truly, the past few months have been really tough for me. Though you may see me virtually or physically as someone cheerful, easy going and tough, no one knows the internal tussles I am going through – the confusion, the dilemma, the temptations, and the desire.

But tonight, I have decided to do myself a big favour. That is to give myself a chance to stand up once again. One of the things I require in standing up again is to start doing reflection of my own self. And blogging is one way of recording my own reflection.

It’s not going to be easy, but it’s simple. Praise the Lord.

Say Hello to 2008

2008-01-02T10:08:00.000+10:00

It's definitely been a longgg time since I last blogged (felt so blog-deprived at the same time). Certain things in life have compelled me to press a pause button to blogging. And today as i blog, it's 2008. So, a loud Hello to 2008. And, a louder Hello to my teaching career! >.<

2008 marks a new path of exciting journey for me. It will no longer be travelled by airplane like what i'd always experienced over the years (God knows how much i hate late-booking or overweight check-in). It's time to hit the road!!! Not Highway or Expressway but Trunk Road and Feeder Road. Don't know their meaning? Don't you fret coz those are just terms used a lot here in Sarawak to describe the type of roads here. We are still very much environmentalist here, preserving our mother nature yo.

Feeder Road

Trunk Road

And today, after i've written this, I am all-ready to leave Sibu and go for what is prepared for me there. It's SK Bukit Arip in Selangau. I'm not sure how to describe the place coz it's not available in google map, nor is it in Sarawak map. But, it's about 2 hrs north-east from Sibu - 130km or 80 miles or Batu 80 =P Going to Bintulu from my school takes about 1 hour. That's basically it!

But, i will tell you more when i come back this weekend. If lucky, i might be able to catch some nice photos to share here. So, it's time to hit the ROAD!

Logging off now - 9.00am -

Be Concerned, not Worried

2007-12-08T16:12:00.000+10:00

Too often we human are indulged overtly in worrying about how things will work out, what will happen, and more when the thing is beyond our control.

Today I came across this thought-for-the-day which i think it's very meaningful and useful to keep us reminded that what we really need is only concern and not worry. Being concerned will keep us proactive in whatever we are doing and thinking, while being worried will bring us nowhere. Have a nice day. =)

I heard about a patient in a mental hospital who was holding his ear close to the wall, listening intently. The attendant finally approached. "Shh!" whispered the patient, beckoning him over. The attendant pressed his ear to the wall for a long time. "I can't hear a thing," he said. "I know," replied the patient, "it's been like that all day!"

We don't just worry about the things that are happening. We worry about the things that AREN'T happening to us! And if things have been going well, we worry because we're confident that our "luck" will change in the near future.

In the last TFTD, we started looking at Matthew 7:25-34 where Jesus talks about worry. He gives several reasons why we shouldn't worry. One of them is that worry doesn't do any good. "Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" (Matthew 6:27). The NIV translates this verse, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Whether you're talking about your height or the length of your life, there are some things in life that you can't do anything about.

Worry, by its very definition, takes place when we assume responsibility for things that are outside our control.

There is a difference between being concerned about the future and being worried about the future. Being concerned is when you have the ability to do something about a problem and you do it. Worry is when you can't do something about the problem, but you fret about it anyway.

There are some things that are within our control. For example, if you were to go away on a trip, you might be concerned about the safety of your home while you are gone, so you would lock the doors of your house, activate the security system (if you have one), maybe ask a neighbor to keep an eye on your place. There are precautions you can take, and you take them. That's not worry â€“ it's just being careful.

But if you spend your vacation obsessing about your house the whole time you're gone, thinking it might burn down or be broken into even though you took precautions, that's worry. That's something you don't have control over.

And Jesus says that it's foolish to worry because worrying isn't going to change anything. If my house is going to burn down while I'm on vacation, it's going to burn down whether I worry or not. The only difference is that I cause myself a whole lot of stress along the way.

All worry is useless. It is powerless to accomplish anything of value. As the old saying goes, "Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." It's so true.

If we're afraid of what might happen or we're worried about something that has already happened -- neither of which we can control or change -- we lose peace of mind. The truth is that most of the things we worry about will never happen.

It is said of the writer Thomas Carlyle that he built a mostly soundproof chamber in which to do his writing in silence. But one of Carlyle's neighbors owned a rooster that crowed several times in the night as well as the early morning. When Carlyle complained to the owner of the rooster, the neighbor said, "But it only crowed three times last night. It couldn't have been that much of a bother. Carlyle said, "But, if you only knew what I suffer waiting for that rooster to crow!"

We're the same way. We suffer a lot worrying about something that may or may not happen. And, in fact, if we were to keep a record of all of our fears throughout our lifetime, chances are good that 90 percent (or more) of those things we dreaded never came to pass. Worry simply doesn't do any good.

Annual Dinner 2007

2007-11-11T20:56:00.000+10:00

On 3rd November 2007, the group of us the Cohort 1 TESL coming-soon-teachers celebrated our 'last' annual dinner in Concorde Hotel, Kuala Lumpur. Just as the word 'last' is used, it conveyed the anxieties in each of us for that evening to come.

If you haven't known or heard, this year marks the last year of 6-years academic life in college and in universities for me and my Cohort friends.

Themed as a "Hollywood-Glam" evening in Concorde - in which the theme sounded so glamorous and sophisticated, I must say the preparation for that evening by each of us had been strenuous. Some had this planned like months ago, while some waited till the very last moment to go hunting for dress. And the most unbelievable part was that even the boys were putting in effort to make themselves look good and handsome.

And when the evening came, we were welcomed by red carpet (just like in Hollywood). ones who arrived earlier were seen walking around taking photographs, be it candid or posed. We all just couldn't stop being in the photograph as well as posing then.

All the girls especially were exceptionally beautiful that night. Dressed in dresses, gowns, costumes and even Kimonos, it showed how much we have changed in terms of fashion and styles over the years in overseas.

When it was time to start the ceremony, we had Madam Elizabeth who is our coordinator to give her speech. In her speech, she expressed her feeling on how fast time - this year particularly - has passed, and that it was a great thing to have coordinated us. Besides wishing us all the very best in our future undertaking, she praised us for how we have been throughout this year, and our costumes that evening. Thank you Mdm Liz for that!

Besides all the 'makan' and chitchatting, we also had some great performances from some of us. The first one was the best, it's a performance done by a bunch of girls, dancing on the song 'Big Spender'. Other performances included songs singing by Aida and Izza; Amy, Izan and Valerie; and us the boys on the song 'Save Tonight'.

What were also in the evening which i was not too clear of its particulars were Academic Awards, Sport-men Awards, Best-dress Awards and etc.

The evening was paid off with great success. Basically, everyone was having so much fun, and everyone was beautiful and charming. There's actually not necessary to choose the Best-dress persons, as each of us just looked great!

Reflecting on that evening, one of the things we all have come to acknowledge is that time is running up as all of us will soon be departed to different part of the country. And that's where roads will be diverged for every one of us. Certainly there is no return in what we have come to become. And this college life, has no doubt come to an end at last.

Another thing that some of us have thought or started to think about is our journey in years to come. As life goes on, the digit of our age increases too. The issue of having a family of our own is slowly igniting. Some have while some prefer to wait. As for me, I am still waiting, patiently for that time to come.

~ QUT forever~

the boys

me and Madam Elizabeth

*Chew Wei, Ah Po, me and Cheryl*

for Miss Leow

2007-11-05T20:15:00.000+10:00

Miss Leow's in the centre

Sorry for the late post. This should probably go up latest by late last month, but the lazy me was just too lazy to write about it. So here it goes:

On October 22, 2007, the whole community of Institut Perguruan Bahasa-bahasa Antarabangsa celebrated a retirement ceremony of Miss Leow Lee Lin. Serving in this college since 1st December 2001, she has touched the heart of many students, colleagues and people. And i was one of them.

And her departure from IPBA is a lost to many who need her.

I knew her because she was my Language Description (LDS) lecturer during the Foundation. And the I was ignorant then, never cared much about what i studied because learning LDS is about the learning and understanding of grammar rules. For rules are unbreakable, they bored me.

But something about Miss Leow is that she managed to catch my attention when she taught. Sharing stories is one of the things she liked doing. She would share with us how her life when studying abroad, where she comes from, how to survive when going to 'ang moh(orang putih)' tempat, the culture overseas. This small little things that she did every once a while were what i was looking for to listen.

And this time round, I was asked to produce a video for her in conjunction of her retirement. It was not easy in retrospect. I wanted the video to be lively, enjoyable and more importantly integrate elements of students who are now in overseas. So, i approached my friends there to offer a hand. Thanks to Jarod who was the first to agree, later came Guna (from UOA) and Shim (from MacQ).

On my part, my team and i had to chase after some lecturers and students for their thoughts on her. Despite some problems faced dued to the dawning of Hari Raya Aidilfitri, I managed to gather all the neccesary information.

On the night before the Monday of her retirement, all committee members gathered round and share their product. Mine was in too. All of them were quite excited and positive about it, except the element of music which was a little saddening for which Miss Leow did not like. Furthermore, the draft which embedded with Jarod's song was too lengthy (more than 10 mins).

After a long discussion with Allen, who was the representative for Miss Leow's retirement, we decided to break the video into 2: one which is of production by me, and one which is a special message for Miss Leow from students of VUW.

The day came and the ceremony began. We have performances from the group of French students, Japanese students and German students. Too bad, i was in charge of the technical part, so couldnt get the chance to shoot photos of them all.

OURS 1 was a blast, cos what we did (includes the singing of 'You raised me up by Westlife' by all Cohort1) really made her tears dropped. And the video and music video (by Jarod&team) really impressed her.

In her speech, she thanked us for all the things we did for her. She said that in her life, she has gone through the good times and not-so-good times. She won't call the latter bad because that's what taught her later in life. One thing i liked about her speech was when she shared with us her experience once with a taxi driver. The taxi driver once said that dalam dunia ini, kita ade suka dengan duka. kita tak boleh ambik suka kemudian buang duka, atau ambik duka buang suka. kita mesti buka kepada kedua-dua.

To me, apart from telling us that we need both happy and not-so-happy moments in our life for which we have to face, I think what she's trying to say was that in the line of government service, there are times when we don't like what we are asked to do, or when our opinions are halted or when we don't agree with our orang atasan, we have to be patient and opened to what they said. And it is when we are opened in our mindset that new understanding and wisdom can fall in. How meaningful was her speech.

So, to Miss Leow, you are one of the greatest teachers I'd met in my life.

Our Cohort 1 raptai performance on 'You raised me up'

That's Faisal and Hani (MC for the day), Faisal, Anas and me (Technical)

2007-10-27T12:22:00.000+10:00

Nicely put quote,

“Work as if everything depends on you and pray as if everything depends on God.”

To all Married Couples, Courtship Couples and Singles

2007-10-27T11:50:00.000+10:00

Love this story (C&P). As much as I knew this story has touched me, i want to share it with all of you. Hopefully it is telling you something too. God Bless.

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raisedthe topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn't love her anymore...I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a months time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest... I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growingagain. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me, she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not wantthe divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears.

I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote:I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank,blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a marriage.

We all live in an interesting times, aren't we?

2007-10-20T15:16:00.001+10:00

We all live in an interesting times today. The society that we are living in today is no longer confined to a limited parameter of land we are literally standing on, or the kind of conventional thinking we used to have decades ago. Instead, humans become more and more knowledgeable. Information is easily grasped, despite of its validity and realibility. Not only have we become more complicated in our thinking, beliefs and values, we begin to influence others with our beliefs, philosophies and theories. In the end, we end up pondering over one question, what is the truth? Where is the truth? Who is at fault here?

The same thing goes to our Christianity faith. Over the past few decades, we can't help but to see various churches have come to birth like never before. We begin to see more and more denominations coming out. To me, I don't know how and where they come from. Neither do i know each of their histories. What possibly could they be thinking? Who knows from where they have drawn their doctrine, knowledge and wisdom? And what justified their doctrine or ideology as something wise to the society? And looking at the situation and society we are living in today, i personally don't think it's going to get any lesser or better. Just look at the example of Gay Church we have today in Malaysia, Who is at fault? Where is the truth? and if it's wrong, who are we to say that it's wrong?

Probably, i can give my own 5-cents worth of sharing on my own side. For years, friends of different religious backgrounds have approached me and asked me of my faith in Catholics. I have to say it'd never been easy to give firm answers. And i tell of what i know and what i believe. What i'm not sure of, i keep quiet, and use it as a question to find out later.

And when people started to question me of its doctrine like why like this, why not like that? for example, why you have pope? why you have different denominations? why you play rosary? why you have Eucharist? why you pray to Mother Mary? Is she really that significant? bla bla bla, i often shared with them of its historical backgrounds. Why histories? What's big deal about it? Simply because in histories, we begin to explore where doctrines came from, and the reasons for their existance.

The Catholic church has existed for the past 2000 years and it has every reason for doing what they are doing today. (this also includes some of the wrongdoings they've done in which they especially Pope John Paul II made several apologies.) Some friends of mine have shared with me that we should move towards believing in the universal church. But where is the universal church? Catholic church is one universal church if some of you are not aware of. The word 'catholic' is derived from Greek καθολικός (kata-holos)," or more colloquially, "universal." (Catholic Answers, 2007).

Here, i am not intending to explain what Catholic faith is all about (i've yet to equip myself for this), neither am i making judgment on any other denominations. As a growing teen, i find it interesting to see how Christianity has evolved over the past 2000 years, how our humanly actions and thinkings have brought us into having different beliefs towards doctrines and ideologies which perhaps made us 'better' or 'worse'. And perhaps, we will continue to question this and probably be never satisfied with the answers we have.

Today also, i have read a conversion story by Dr Scott Hahn from a Presbyterian into Catholicism.

http://www.chnetwork.org/scotthconv.htm

What he wrote was really phenomenal, as he wrote down every step of his journey with Christ to finding Catholic faith. There are some things or doctrines mentioned he shared inside in which i myself don't know. he shared with us the distinction between how Lutherans believe and how Catholics believe, and the different interpretations of 'Covenant' by different denominations. Very interesting! Have a read, and THINK, and have your say.

Another link which you would probably like to look into is my friend Henry Lim's blog. What he did was that he gave a little explanation as to some misconceptions you might have regarding Catholic Church.

Thank you for now.

Below is a Copy & Paste email article on 'How Old is your Church?' i once read long long time ago:

If you are a Lutheran, your religion was founded by Martin Luther, an ex-monk of the Catholic Church, in the year 1517.

If you belong to the Church of England, your religion was founded by King Henry VIII in the year 1534 because the Pope would not grant him a divorce with the right to remarry.

If you are a Presbyterian, your religion was founded by John Knox in Scotland in the year 1560.

If you are a Protestant Episcopalian, your religion was an offshoot of the Church of England founded by Samuel Seabury in the American colonies in the 17th century.

If you are a Congregationalist, your religion was originated by Robert Brown in Holland in 1582.

If you are a Methodist, your religion was launched by John and Charles Wesley in England in 1744.

If you are a Unitarian, Theophilus Lindley founded your church in London in 1774.

If you are a Mormon (Latter Day Saints), Joseph Smith started your religion in Palmyra, N.Y., in 1829.

If you are a Baptist, you owe the tenets of your religion to John Smyth, who launched it in Amsterdam in 1605.

If you are of the Dutch Reformed church, you recognize Michaelis Jones as founder, because he originated your religion in New York in 1628.

If you are a member of the Churches of Christ your church began near the beginning of the 19th century in New England.

Abner Jones, Barton Stone and Alexander Campbell were some of the most well known originators of your religion.

If you worship with the Salvation Army, your sect began with William Booth in London in 1865.

If you are a Christian Scientist, you look to 1879 as the year in which your religion was born and to Mrs. Mary Baker Eddy as its founder.

If you belong to one of the religious organizations known as "Church of the Nazarene," "Pentecostal Gospel," "Holiness Church," "Pilgrim Holiness Church," "Jehovah's Witnesses," your religion is one of the hundreds of new sects founded by men within the past century.

If you are Roman Catholic, you know that your religion was founded in the year 33 by Jesus Christ the Son of God, and it is still the same Church.

Just for Laugh - Ironies of Life

2007-10-20T14:27:00.000+10:00

Men:

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

Women :

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Holiday Vacation

2007-10-12T14:59:00.000+10:00

Guys, I'll be away to Penang this Saturday 13th October 2007 for a week holiday until 20th Oct 2007. Will be staying in Ashes' house. No plan of where to go yet during the weekdays. Perlis and Taiping are certainly on the list.

Ciao guys!

Did i marry the right person? c&p

2007-10-02T11:43:00.000+10:00

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.

She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"

I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so

I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?"

In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because

the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle.

In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.

You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard.

In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.

You didn't have to DO anything.

That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."

Think about the imagery of that __expression.

It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing,

and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy.

It's a passive and spontaneous experience.

But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades.

It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all),

touch is not always welcome (when it happens),

and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship,

but if you think about your marriage,

you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage

when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking,

"Did I marry the right person?"

And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had,

you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.

This is when marriages breakdown.

People blame their spouse for their unhappiness

and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most obvious.

But sometimes people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship,

excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage.

It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.

You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better.

But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;

IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.

It'll NEVER just happen to you.

You can't "find" LASTING love.

You have to "make" it day in and day out.

That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy.

And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.

You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery.

There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse)

to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),

there are also laws for relationships.

Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger,

certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.

It's a direct cause and effect.

If you know and apply the laws,

the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .

Remember this always:

"God determines who walks into your life.

It is up to you to decide who you let walk away,

who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."

Psalm 23 For the Cyber Age

2007-09-07T16:44:00.000+10:00

haha... i heard this during the retreat last week on Genting... bet u will share the same laughter as i do... :-) and please, read it slowly as it is... meaningful...

Psalm 23 for the Cyber Age

The Lord is my programmer, i shall not crash,

He installed his software on the harddisk of my head.

All of His commands are user-friendly.

His directory guides me to the right choices for His name's sake.

Even though i scroll through the problems of life

i will fear no bug, for He is my backup, His password protects me.

He prepares a menu before me in the presence of my enemies.

His help is only a keystroke away.

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.

And my file will be merged with His, and saved forever.

The Road not Taken - Robert Frost

2007-08-26T18:23:00.000+10:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I--I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

The road ahead

2007-08-24T11:40:00.000+10:00

Each time i step on an out-station bus; each time i sit down on its couch; each time i wait eagerly for the bus to start moving, I will start thinking and contemplating how my journey in life has changed and moved on. And above all, i want to thank my friends who somehow and somewhere have walked together with me in my life.

Oh, my memories stepped back in time, to the time when i first boarded my first out-station bus from Kuala Lumpur to Terengganu in 2003. That's the first time I went travelling alone to a place i'd never been before. To a place so foreign in culture, language and race. And who's there to guide me? My friends.

My first trip in Malaysia to Terengganu.

Standing (left-right): Me, Elyas, Mustaffa's mum, Daniel.

Sitting (left-right): Christie, Ummi, Hanijoe

Then, in Australia, i learned to travel by plane and train. Yet, travelling was never easy as understanding their culture, and language could be a challenge. Yet, I embraced this challenge to go to places i know as well as places i don't know. 'Places i know' is where i have companions and friends travelling with me, while 'places i don't know' is where i travelled as a lone traveller, no partner and friends.

Inevitably, the feeling of anxiety and fear sanked in each time i wanted to make a decision. It is like a tussle of both positive feeling and negative feeling. To go or not to go? What if i get lost? What if i get myself into trouble? What is lie ahead of me? What has my life got to offer me?

Knowing that life is made worthwhile only when we try it and experience it <on the other hand, certain learning from people's experience can be more meaningful than one experiences it himself>, i decided to put all my worries behind, believing that life has really got something to offer me to learn.

My first trip as a lone traveller to Bundaberg: that's Daniel from Germany.

For example, the recent travel to Penang opened my eyes to two big lessons in life: the importance of friendship, giving than takingn. Initially, it was my 'dream' idea to have a road trip up north (ipoh-Penang-Kedah-Perlis) and down east south (Perlis-Kelantan-Terengganu-Pahang-KL) during this 1-week break. However, the dream did not come true when some unavoidable obstacles came along our ways. So, Plan B - go up Penang and down Ipoh.

Lesson 1 - Friendship

My coolest junior Ashes lives in Penang. I thought it would be a pleasant idea to see what's available in Penang since everyone has been saying it's food is delicious whatsoever. And so, we went up north on Saturday night bus. What seemed to be a simple journey to Penang turned challenging when we realized that we missed the Juru station (Penang mainland) for disembarkation.

It was 2 in the morning on the island of Penang, and we were stranded on the island. The blood-sucking taxi driver intended to charge us RM70 to get us to the mainland in which we rejected. Thinking that Penang is just a small island, i suggested that we could walk to the city and see what's there. He did not agree, nor did he disagree.

He had a better idea=walk across the Penang bridge . Wow what a BRILLIANT idea! Nooooooo... i didn't exactly know why i said that, but it turned out to be the wise decision. The minute after i cancelled his brilliant plan, it started to rain heavily in Penang!!!

"It's hard to see rain in Penang, you know. But once it did, it is a blessing" Ashes said.
"So it's a blessing for me from Penang is it now?" i replied him sarcastically. And we both laughed.

We managed to run for a shelter at one of the residents house there. It was 3 in the morning and we were still stranded on the island, with our shirt and bodies drenched with rainwater. What a pleasant welcome from Penang.

To get us out of the island, I was out of idea than to scroll down my contact list, searching for my friends who are in USM. Those who answered were in Kuching already while those who didn't i believe it's a little too late to call.

The moment when i thought about who to call and should i call was the moment when i realized that i had done little to keep in touch with them, especially this year round when i came back from Australia. Yet, those who answered my phone that night had really been supportive of me by giving me contacts of those in USM.

Anywhere, thanks to Julian, Ashes' friend who came all the way from the mainland and his working shift to bring us back home. There, i see how important a friendship can be, even if it is the slightest smallest friendship people build. We can never take for granted that we don't need others in our life, cos we'll never know when will be the next time we call for their help or they're the only ones who can offer us help.

Lesson 2 - To give than take

Giving probably is the hardest thing that i will ever do in my life, mostly because it involves financial capability and a desire to give. And i suck in these big time.

For years, i have used examples from my friends to improve my skill of giving. One example is taken from my close friend, Elyas who has shown big hearts in giving over the years. What's more valuable is him teaching me how to be like one.

He said sometimes we human tend to forget what others have done for us, intentionally or unintentionally. Some may do it unintentionally as they have difficulty in expressing their appreciation: shy and not used to give. What's important is that we must give with an open heart without having doubt over our giving. Unless we learn to give freely, we will not be happy with our giving, and think of what returns.

My journey to Penang taught me this lesson. You know, being a male in the Indian culture, you are not obliged to do house chores - i.e. cooking, washing dishes, cleaning and whatnot - as compared to females. Maybe our new generation has called for a more equal share of work between sexes at home, but what remains apparent is that females in some families are still the group taking charge of house.

Being one of the 'family' members in Ashes' home, I was reminded of certain courtesy and manners i had to do, like offering a hand to help than waiting for food to be served. Yet, it was difficult at first as they thought that a guest must be served like a guest, insisting that I should be out there watching tv than being in the kitchen. Likewise, after dinner, they would insist me to leave my dishes for his sister to wash.

The next few days, i made a mind to get any small opportunities to wash dishes, like upon finishing my breakfast. His sister insisted that it was her job washing the dish, but i simply smiled and replied, 'it's k. it's my dishes, so i will wash up myself.' That action followed.

In my heart, i felt pleased as at least i am doing something to give to the family. I know it's just a small thing did, but believe me, even with this small thing, the family appreciated my contribution. I couldn't feel more belonged and happier.

Before i left yesterday, aunty's words struck me greatly. As i invited her and her family to come over to Sibu, she thanked me and said, 'Now we have a foster family there already'. And I agreed.

See, lesson 2: It oftens pays to give than take. I once read one quote, people don't really remember how fast we do, they remember how well we do.

That's Ashwin's family (from left-right): Ashwin, Ashwin's mummy, Ashwin's sister, and me

The road ahead
You see, God promises us a life with purpose and meaning. And this is what i meant. He is so great that He sent people of different races, religions and colours to guide me. With this, i can't be more thankful of what He has given me: my friends and new unknown people in my life to guide me.

Each travelling and journey promises a life experience and learning. Like how Robert Kiyosaki once wrote, "Life is the best teacher of all... and each push is life saying 'WAKE UP. There's something I want you to learn.'"

And, as nicely put by one of my growing-wise friend,

Many a times i do not know what lies before for me

Sometimes i dun even know where i am heading to

I have fears and doubts

But one thing i know:

He is with me and will guide my ways(Isaiah 41:10)

Thank you Lord.

What's happening to our schools today?

2007-07-22T17:14:00.000+10:00

(pix courtesy of BorneoPost.com)

What's happening to our school today?

A good question to ask ourselves. Malaysia has gone so far in terms of its development and technological advancement. But, what remains unfix, unsettled and shameful is the attitude of the citizen here. ( read pride and shame of being Malaysian )

Over the past few months, the number of headlines highlighting the 'good act' of teachers in the country has not been few. From time to time, we see yet another case of teacher being brought to court, teacher slapped by headmaster in school, students got canned, student got slapped on the face by teacher, and teacher killed.

Yesterday saw yet another case of a warden punishing 200 SMK Bawang Assan girls in the pond under heavy rain. What could possibly be on in the warden's mind when he/she executed such punishment? Is he/she out of his mind or is he/she purely satisfied of his/her act?

If you read the comments on this is shocking blog, you'll hear comments suggesting teachers and wardens should not behave such unprofessionally. Instead, they should take on positive punishments like punishing them to clean the toilet etc etc etc.

But, here's my point:

Truly, the culprit is at fault and should be punished. But what’s obvious was that she didn’t admit her guilt, resulting in unworthy punishment for all girls. This is so wrong a thing to do.

Yet, we can’t just judge the news by its surface. This might not be the first time the warden encounter a clogged toilet bowl of sanitary pad.

The fact that the warden got so furious and irrational might possibly be caused by the many encounters of such incident.

And as Kiu in the news pointed out, “I think the warden was angry as it is expensive to fix a clogged toilet.” I think he has a point there , mainly because broken or clogged toilets in schools are often left unrepaired besides taking a long, slow, circuitous manoeuvre to repair them (i've seen this happening hundred times in my hostel here yet NOTHING has been done).

Yet, what’s said by many of us here is very true. Education, as remarked by Lynda Yong, raises students’ awareness of the importance of hygiene and cleanliness in school as well as at home.

As adults, we need to be patient and be able to control our emotions, particularly when dealing with kids’ misbehavioural problems. A lack of any of these will result in dark cases like this.

Let this be a lesson to all.

Week 4

2007-07-18T13:05:00.000+10:00

It's been an up and down roller-coaster teaching 5P class over these four weeks. In these weeks, i had shared happy moments with my kids, and they too had shared happy moments with me. At times, we laughed, but most of the time, we concentrate in what we are doing.

But kids will always remain as kids, they like to test you, they like to get your attention, they fail to bring books to class, and not forgetting they fail to complete their homework. That's why i am put to these kids, to remind them, to scold them, and to be firm with them everytime they did something undesirable.

The fourth week has been a busy week for me. The first thing i walked into the staff room early last Monday morning, i was told to attend relieve classes. Not long after, my supervisor from IPBA messaged and said she wanted to observe our elective classroom this week. As my elective class fall on that particular Monday only (two lessons of elective in a week), this means i had to arrange another day with other teachers for my supervisor.

Thinking that everything will be alright after that, another notice came. This time, my supervisor Pn Nazirah came over to me that told me that she wanted to observe me on this Wednesday. God, so many things to prepare for this week.

But everything went on smoothly at the end of each day. Smoothly doesn't mean no problem. Instead, it means having to overcome every problem with great perseverance and patience. and i thank God for that.

As next week (which is this week) all of us will be back in IPBA for debriefing sessions, this means i will not have time doing revision with my kids who will be taking the July Monthly Test in another 2 weeks time.

Hence, i attempted to make this week a week of revision and practice. Come to think of it, it's not really of revision and practice as my kids do not know anything or are weak in Simple Present Tense. Mind you, Simple Present Tense is one of the most difficult tenses to teach. Think about it and you'll understand what i mean.

In some ways, teaching Simple Present Tense correlates with Subject-Verb agreement (SVA). Students need to learn how a sentence is formed before learning about SVA. So, there i was giving them a lot of input about how a sentence is formed.

The process of teaching them this concept is not easy as English is such a complicated language. As far as they learn to recognize and identify the correct answers, sometimes they can easily forget what they've learn. So, behaviourist theory comes in. Practice after practice. Exercise after exercise. Man, last Wednesday, i actually used four periods (taking relieve class) to teach them about SVA.

Reflecting on this week, i found that my kids are slowly getting more interested in learning the language. How i know? Simply by looking at their response and reaction when asked them questions. They were more eager to talk now.

Yet, i have to keep myself reminded always that this is a language lesson. A language lesson means speaking complete sentences, i.e. he is singing, and not singing. Though their sentence may be incorrect, but who cares. It's the effort that matters.

It requires a lot of bravery and effort for weak students to actually speak up in class. And if they do, why not appreciate it.

Reflecting on my lesson plan, there are still rooms for improvement. Talking with my supervisors and my cooperative teacher made me realized that my lesson lacks of engaging activities and materials.

I admit it is my fault to be so lazy to go and search for more activities and materials. But, in order to teach this kids effectively, i need to come out with a lot of interesting materials and activities.

With the Monthly test coming up, i don't know how my students will perform. I should have been in school this week teaching them something, but time doesn't allow.

I can only hope that my kids will practise what i've taught them the ways of learning English. And with hope, they will show some improvement.

Way to go, Mr Ling.

my class

2007-07-08T16:59:00.000+10:00

This week marks my fourth week of prac. The last three weeks have been tiring and worthwhile. As usual, school starts at 7.30. By 6.30 i have to get my ass up already, fetching a taxi at 7, and arriving in school 15 minutes later.

Teaching 5P has never been so wonderful and great. From the first day i walked into this school, this class has never failed to be labelled as the low-proficiency class, the notorious class and the hopeless class.

Today, I can say that this class has been a wonderful class to me though not always. The students never fail me in doing what i expect of them. When I ask them to speak up, they at present will at least try and say something although it may take more than one minute for them to think. When I ask them to do homework, they would finish it immediately and eager to hand in before the end of period.

Over these few weeks, I begin to see changes in some students' attitude. There's this one boy who couldn't speak a word nor understand a word i said in the first week. Not only was he not trying to understand what i said, he didn't bother to listen. He would rather talk to his friend sitting next to him. Last Thursday, when i asked him why he liked the cricket than the ants in the story of 'The ant and the cricket', he answered, 'because...[30 seconds later]... he can sing'. Immediately i praised him in front of the class. And there he was, giving me a big smile. :D that's a little accomplishment from my students.

Yet, language is not learnt overnight. There are challenges ahead of me. What i have accomplished at the moment is simply to inspire them n their interest to want to learn the language.

What is lacking is the learning opportunities to further develop their language. This group that i am teaching, they are deprived of a family background that will ever encourage them to learn, not to mention speak in English. So, besides making sure that my lesson plan does not bore them excessively (language learning is NOT always fun k! u need to PUSH them!), I need to make sure that the students get ample homework to practise their English, particularly grammar.

July Monthly Test is coming up end of this month!!! i have a high expectation for them. i want all of them to pass though i know at the end of the day, i am thinking of the impossible! The last mid-year exam, only 5 of 20 of them passed! This time around, i want to make CHANGES yo! This coming week and next week, i will make extensive grammar learning with them! Mind you, none of them can write a perfect simple sentence, i.e. I go to school.

One problem about family who doesn't care much about their kid's education is that they don't mind whether the kid goes to school or not. Having a simple cold means my kid doesn't have to attend class today already. Mannn... this is not good. I wish i can talk to the kid's parents.

Yet, my conversations with some of my students largely showed that their parents are too busy working outside, as factory labourer, fruit seller, security guard and postman.

I have to think of strategies how to attract my students to come to class. Any suggestion guys? talking to the particular student right? i am doing that now...

Learning English is not fun, but Mr Ling can make a difference!

Way to go!

Wish me luck...

Just for Today

2007-06-26T22:11:00.000+10:00

I will live through the next 12 hours and try not to tackle all of life's problems at once.

I will improve my mind, I will learn something that requires effort and concentration.

I will be agreeable. I will look my best, speak in a well modulated voice, and be courteous and considerate.

I will not find fault with a friend, relative or colleague. I will not try to change or improve anyone but myself.

I will have a programme. I might not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two enemies:hurry and indecision.

I will do a good turn and keep it a secret. If anyone finds out, it will not count.

I will do two things I don't want to do, just for the exercise.

I will believe in myself. I will give my best to the world and feel confident that the world will give it's best to me.

Making Changes in Every Child

2007-06-22T18:47:00.000+10:00

Reflecting on the days i have been through in SK Brickfields (1), i can't help but to confess that school is the place for me now. From the day i walked into the school, i never walked out of the school thinking 'this is the shittest ever job in the world'. All i could ever think and feel is to give up. No kidding. There are so many challenges and obstacles in the classroom which simply drive me crazy and headache!

Yet, after a cold shower yesterday, as i lay back on my bed, i started reflecting every single incident that has happened last few days. As my cousin, Siao Ling Ah-jia onced said, 'every step of one's life journey is a challenge, regardless of his age'. Come to think of the chronological development we've gone through, this is exactly what i mean. Often, when we see juniors or those studying for UPSR, PMR, and SPM, we like to tell them 'Easy lar. no problem one lar.' This is it.

So, what's the big big challenges in school?

For once, i am given a weaker class: 5P class. It's the second better class of the two classes for primary 5. Before entering the class, plenty of comments from different teachers were heard: naughty students, English proficiency very low, no interest to learn, look out fortwo notoriously hyper students and bla bla bla...

Surprisingly and gladly, the class did not go out of control often. In fact, they were quite quiet and did not bother to disturb my class. Maybe it is still in the very early of the teaching stage. Yet, i want to give a big hug to Ron Clark's movie which usefully taught me how to handle behavioural problems. Those of you who have problems overcoming behavioural issues, you are advised to watch this. FYI, this is a movie not made only for behaviour management, it's about finding success in every child! Go watch it!

If behavioural problems are settled, so what's the big deal then? Man, only God knows how low their language proficiency is. Low motivation, low interest, shyness to speak up, and low proficiency in reading, writing and listening. Considering all of these factors, i cannot deny that some of the students do not and did not understand my instructions at all. (Been there, done there. Once, i asked one student what he should do, no reply. Asked if he understood what i was saying, he said 'no'). This probably made them so quiet in class.

After an interview with some of my students yesterday, i found out that most of them come from either low socio-economic family background (parents work at Carrefour, postoffice and as taxi driver) or broken family. Cases like parents divorce, staying with stepfather, or stepmother or grandparents are not rare in Malaysian school now. Undoubtedly, children suffering from one of all these hardships are not guided to learn well, not aware of the importance of education, and of English too.

That's why after each lesson, i felt exhausted thinking of their language level. I was once told by my lecturer in QUT that i am better off teaching gifted kids. But, here i am teaching the worse class in primary 5, where the students fail to write even one simple sentence, to speak one sentence of English, and to listen to a simple instructions. Just feel like giving up!!!

Somehow, there is something is holding me on. First, I was reminded of what my cousin once said before. Secondly, I was reminded of the God's wonderful gift for me. I would be dead by now if it is not for the gift of life He has now given me. Thirdly, i was reminded of a quotation which says, 'if you are going through hell, keep walking.' haha... how true is that statement? and fourthly and lastly, I am put here in 5P to make a change in every child, to make changes in each of them. And if there is one student whose life i have changed, i am a success.

Somehow, i can see a glimpse of hope in some of my students. i said 'some' because i had just talked to some of them yesterday. you see, what i care is not so much of them keeping quiet in class. what i really care about is them having the right attitude to want to learn English, the positivity to know that learning English is FUN, the braveness to speak up in English, and the desire to talk to me about what they don't know or what they want to know more of.

I see this in them. After a talk with some of them yesterday, i was a little happy because they want to learn English. It is them who really want to learn. One boy after i took 30 minutes drilling him to read five sentences correctly, he told me he wanted to read it one last time. And yesterday morning, one girl who is my student showed up in my office and told my colleague that i am an interesting teacher. Man, that is an early compliment.

As was mentioned before, I am put here in 5P to make a change in every child, to make changes in each of them. And if there is one student whose life i have changed, i am a success. I know it will take lots of time, effort, patience, guidance, consistency, courage, commitment, and not to mention the amount of money i am spending on them! But at the end of the prac, i will know all of these are worth it.

Way to go Mr Ling.

One Day at a Time

2007-06-22T17:43:00.000+10:00

Click here!

It's worth the watch.

dead

2007-06-19T22:48:00.001+10:00

i am dying. Somebody just gets me out of here. School's crazy!

to school

2007-06-18T00:36:00.000+10:00

Wow! I can't believe I am going to school tomorrow. It is the same school i went last 3 years, SK Brickfields.

Though physical appearance of the school does not change much, much has changed in terms of its administration, students, classrooms, facilities and headmaster.

3 years ago, the school was a boy school, 'occupied' by notoriously lovely boys. But today, i was informed that it has been changed into a co-ed school: both boys and girls. This means tomorrow, as i step into the school, I will not only be looked curiously by the boys, but also the girls too.

The school has upgraded a great deal in its facilities. It is heard that the school now has a audio-visual room which was not available 3 years ago. The same goes with the school library which was nowhere to be seen 3 years ago.

One thing i am sure still remains in the school is its canteen. It is still under the same management as of 3 years ago. In retrospect, the food there was just lovely and delicious. They have food which is specially made for us teachers.

Not sure what to expect of the teachers, school and principle tomorrow. But one thing i know is that i am going to school with a different purpose this time. Not longer am i walking into classroom observing, but more of expecting some useful learning of the students, inspiring them to want to learn, and forgetting to take care of their welfare.

Always be on the humble and positive side.

Way to go, Mr Ling!

my school, SK Brickfields 1

Staff photo 2004

All boys school

me & an ADHD kid, forgetting his name d ><

"My name is I am"

2007-06-16T03:16:00.000+10:00

(Source: Li May's Blog)

The Story of Johnny and Sarita

2007-06-14T23:06:00.000+10:00

The following story is copied and paste from a friend-of-mine's blog.

“Johnny Lingo’s the sharpest trader in this part of the Pacific.”

The simple statement made the villagers choke with muffled laughter and almost fall of the veranda steps.

“What goes on?” I demanded. “Everybody tells me to get in touch with Johnny Lingo and then breaks up. Is there no such person or is he the village idiot?”

“Not idiot,” said Shenkin. “Only one thing. Five months ago Johnny came to Kiniwata and found himself a wife. He paid her father eight cows!”

He spoke the last words with great solemnity. Two or three cows would buy a fair-to-middling wife, four or five a highly satisfactory one.

“Eight cows!” I said. “She must have beauty that takes your breath away.”

“That’s why they laugh,” Shenkin said. It would be kindness to call her plain. She was little skinny with no – ah – endowments. She walked with her shoulders hunched and her head ducked, as if she was trying to hide behind herself. She was scared of her own shadow, frightened by her own voice. She was afraid to laugh in public. The cousins urged Sam to ask for three cows and hold out for two until he was sure Johnny’d pay one. But Sam was so afraid that there’d be some slip in this marriage chance for Sarita that he wouldn’t hold out for anything, so the cousins resigned themselves to accepting one cow. Then Johnny came in and said ‘Sam Karo, father of Sarita, I offer eight cows for your daughter,’ and delivered the cows.”

This story interested me, so I decided to investigate. The next day, I reached the island where Johnny lived, went to his home, and was welcomed b him with a grace that made me feel the owner. I told him that his people had told me about him, that they said he was a sharp trader, that the marriage settlement ha had made for his wife was eight cows, and that the local people wonder why he paid so much.

His chest expanded with satisfaction. “When they speak of marriage settlements, it will be remembered that Johnny Lingo paid eight cows for Sarita.”

I was disappointed. I guess he felt he had to make himself famous for his way of buying a wife. I was tempted to deflate him by reporting that in Kiniwata he was laughed at for a fool.

And then I saw her. She was the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Not with the common earthbound beauty of the girl who carries fruit. This woman had an ethereal loveliness that was at the same time from the heart of nature. The lift of her shoulders, the sparkle of her eyes spelled a pride to which no one could deny her the right. She moved with a grace that made her look like a queen who might turn into a kitten.

“She – she’s glorious. Who is she?” I asked.

“My wife.”

I stared at him. Do they practice polygamy here? He, for eight cows, bought both Sarita and this other?

“There is only one Sarita,” Johnny said, in reply to my puzzlement. “Perhaps you wish to say she does not look the way they say she looked in Kiniwata,”

“She doesn’t.” The impact of the girl’s appearance made me forget my tact. I heard she was
homely. They all make fun of you because you let yourself be cheated by Sam Karo.

"You think eight cows were too many? Do you think anyone will make fun of us when they see her now? Much has happened to change her, particularly the day she went away.”

“You mean she married you?” “That, yes. But most of all, I mean the arrangement for the marriage. Do you ever think what is the lowest price of which she can be bought? And then later, when the women talk, they boast of what their husbands paid for them. One says four cows, another six. How does the woman feel who was sold for one or two? This could not happen to my Sarita.”

“Then you paid that unprecedented number just to make your wife happy?”

“Happy? Yes, I wanted Sarita to be happy, but I wanted more than that. You say she’s different from the way they remember her at Kiniwata. This is true. Many things can change a woman. Things that happen inside, things that happen outside. But the thing that matters most is what she thinks about herself. In Kiniwata, Sarita believed she was worth nothing. Now she knows she is worth more than any other woman on the islands.”

“Then you wanted…”

“I wanted to marry Sarita. I loved her and no other woman.”

“But –" I was close to understanding.

“But,” he finished softly, “I wanted an eight-cow wife.”

SOURCE: McGerr, Patricia. (1988, February). Johnny Lingo’s Eight-Cow Wife. Reader’s Digest. In Bruce W. Tuckman (1992) Educational Psychology: From Theory to Application. USA, Florida: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc. (Page 288-289) ISBN: 0-15-520871-3

On its surface, this story tells an undoubtedly sweet love story between two beings: how the two appreciate and love each other's both outside-in and inside-out. It sees how one truly values the other person so highly that no amount of money nor the number of cows can replace the beauty of him/her.

Somehow, the story does make a little distinction between the status of men and women in that society. More often, women are seen as an object for exchange of cows. And the exchange for the number of cows exchanged is dependent on the physical beauty of a woman. For a man to have a beautiful and satisfied wife is to have more cows. Hence, one can say that beauty is measureable, and love is made partly conditional: on its beauty. But that's not fascinates me.

What truly fascinates and strikes me in this story is first, the reactions of the villagers toward the decision made by the man, Johnny, second, the need of self-efficacy for one to truly believe in themselves in doing anything, and lastly, the importance of seeing the inner beauty of oneself.

The reactions of the villagers towards the man's decision

Looking back on the responds given by the villagers on the man's decision of paying eight cows for a shoulder-hunched-and-head-ducked woman, they have not been very positive. Neither have the villagers been supportive of his decision. As one villager in the village, one will surely wonder, is he making the right choice (paying 8 cows for the woman)? why does he have to be so stupid? Does he do to make himself famous?

If i was Johnny, seriously this is not some easy questions to answer. It concerns not only his uncertain future with the woman, but also the reactions and responds from the community which are more likely negative. Yet, this dilemma can be easily resolved by giving in to what others are thinking and saying. But he is not of such. This brings me to one lesson my lecturer Mr.Aslam once taught us, "What do you wanna be? a swallow or an eagle?"

Guess when i come out in the society next time, i will be facing all kinds of people: people who try all ways to drag me down, and people who will support and encourage you to keep climbing. Let's not be too far-sighted. Take an example of me going to school next year or even next week for teaching. I believe no matter how many kind people there are in a small community, there are in fact one or two 'viruses' who try to infect you with all sort of negative mentality. Basically, they just want to see you FALL real badly. It may concern your determination, your effort, your passion, or even your attitudes towards teaching. Comments such as 'tak boleh lar' 'itu tak mungkin jadi punya' 'mana mungkin boleh menang' 'kelas tu dah hopeless' have already been uttered in daily conversation between teachers. Sooner or later, this ini-tak-boleh-itu-tak-boleh attitude slowly reins in our decision making, compelling us to be one like them.

To give in to these negative comments are to be part of them, part of this kind of people. Just as swallows move or migrate in large groups, our lecturer associates this swallow with the group of people in a community who share similar interest, who think the same way and who like to be in their own comfort zone. This may well be referred to the negative-minded teachers, or those who are trying to drag you down. Similarly, in the story above, Johnny will be a swallow if he had given in to what the villagers think of the woman.

To be one who is among the least wanted people in a community is to be an eagle. This is a person who fly up high, who are able to see things in different perspectives, who possess different attitudes and characters to working. Johnny is one example of an eagle. Yet not many people can be eagles, not everyone can fly so high [though "everyone now can fly" (AirAsia)], or even want to fly so high. But if there is, he is not afraid of flying higher and higher, taking up more responsibilities, making new changes and having new 'eyes'.

to be continued...

Moselle

2007-06-11T22:52:00.001+10:00

Proud to be a Sibu'rian

2007-05-27T01:40:00.000+10:00

Coming back to Sibu is always a good thing, especially when you know it's ur hometown and that you know every single corner of roads in this relatively small city.

But one of the many things which make Sibu people outclassing other dialectic communities is of its distinctive Foochow dialect. No matter where you go about Sibu, this Foochow dialect is easily heard and recognized. One can certainly say that in Sibu, no Foochow language, no business. Of course, it's a joke. But in a more foreign place like Kuala Lumpur, it is observably difficult to find Sibu people. If you do find one, you can hear them miles away, coz they will be yelling and talking so loudly as if they are the MPs.

In LCCT for example today, you can't help but realize how many Foochow people they are in the terminal leaving back home. Since Sibu is a Foochow place, it is not surprise to find Foochow people in te departure terminal. Yet, the feeling of hearing people speaking Foochow is definitely exciting for you know you will be home in another 2 hours time. There you see young and old folks chit-chatting their time off, complaining the number of chicken going missing in the backyard.

One more thing that makes Sibu people outclassing other chinese communities is of its kiasuness. Boy, you cannot imagine what happened today at the departure gate. My flight schedule was postponed to 6.45 from 6.15. Yet, around 6.20, you just saw one group of people standing up and started lining in front of the gate. What followed next was a whole bunch of 20-25 people following what the earlier did. They too started lining up behind this one group of people. One of the ground crews immediately came forward and kindly informed this lining-up people that the plane had not arrived yet, and so, they should just sit down and wait for further instruction.

But nobody sat!!!

5 minutes later (6.30pm), an announcement came to ask the people to sit down and wait. Even so, more people joined in queue.

i was truly astonished by their attitudes. no comment.

Wooww... i could not believe how anxious or nervous our 'Sibu'rian people are to want to aboard the flight so eagerly. Neither do i want to be judgmental, i just wanna say i am proud to be a 'Sibu'rian though i might not be a part of these people.

a pay rise for teacher?

2007-05-22T04:23:00.000+10:00

Friday May 11 2007 saw our PM asserting a statement that all 1.2 millions public servants in the country will be promised a pay rise.

10 days later which was yesterday the May 21, we see our PM once again announced that government servants will get a pay rise between 7.5% and 35% beginning 1 July. In addition, the cost of living allowance as reported in the star will also be increased by 100%. One may wonder why our government may or may not have unexpectedly made such a decision.

The first reason is definitely the increasing living standard and cost of living in the country, particularly in the urban cities. Comparing our country with other developing countries in the world, Malaysia has relatively lower living standard. In a sense, this also indicates that pay or salary received is relatively low as compared to other developing countries, for example Australia. In retrospect, i was paid $15 per hour to pick lychee or sweet potatoes. This however is impossible for anyone in Malaysia to receive such amount considering the fact that they too are taking up the same job. Hence, the decision to increase pay rise for teacher is definitely a wise thing to do in the society today. The current pay today of a beginning teacher is around $1500 is simply not sufficient enough to raise a family. Yet, they should have been smarter EARLIER!

Also, with the increasing price of petrol every year, our government is compelled to increase the servants' pay. It is not surprising to find our friends who are government servants to take on additional job to supplement their low salary. Working with only the government does not allow them to endure the high living cost and the high petrol price. there is a saying in the Chinese culture which says that working with government is like a steel-rice-bowl. It will always be the same regardless of the years pass by. Speaking of additional jobs, most of these jobs offer far more rewards and money to us teacher. If you have read on some comments made by teachers in schools or of other government sectors, most of them opt for 'outside' jobs for some extra money to make up for their family expenses. One friend of mine used to tell me something which shocked me. He said his chemistry teacher used to come to class, asking them to open to Page 45, and start reading. That was it. The teacher however was a totally different person during tuition. It was during the tuition that he really taught him and his friends the 'real' teaching. What made the difference between the teaching in school and in tuition is the matter of money received out of tuition.

Another reason for pay rise according to our PM in Utusan Malaysia is to attract and maintain efficient, qualified, prestigious and motivated servants. This is of utmost importance because we need to appreciate the efforts put in by these servants, and that one way to do so is through pay rise. It should be understood that money should be awarded in relation to the efforts and contribution and amount of work produced. Even employees in private sectors expect their bosses to do likewise. However, this is not always the case in many government sectors in many global countries. Teacher, for example, suffers one of the lowest paid jobs in the world. Society should understand and know how much dedication and commitment a teacher put in to teach not only a class of 40 students in class, but 4 to 5 classes of 40 students. Not surprisingly my friend's chemistry teacher chose tuition as a channel to provide 'real' teaching, which as a result, bring more benefits to him.

One other reason as mentioned by our PM is of the relative increment of income tax in the country. I basically have no knowledge in this field of discipine, hence dare not comment on it. But one thing i do know is that the taxation money government holds must indeed be used efficiently so as not to waste money on unnecessary things. Lately, we heard cases of leaking roof at Parliament House which cost approximately 1.5-2billions of maintainence.

The last reason is not known by many yet. Yet, mamak talk as well as kopitiam talk have started spurring it. And, i was one of those people who participated in this conversation. It's the general election in Penang in this coming July. Not sure if it's for real or not, UMNO in New Strait Times 7/5 voiced of reclaiming the Permatang Pauh parliamentary seat from Parti Keadilan Rakyat. Also, they are planning to recapture the Permatang Pasir state seat from PAS. What we can see from here is that our government is pouring in thousands and millions of money to better our society as well as the system in the country, be it education system or other pivotal sectors. Also, the decision for pay rise mark the effort made by our government to appreciate and acknowledge the commitment and amount of work we teachers have put in in developing our students to be holistic and useful citizens in the future.

After all, what will become of students if it's not because of teachers who shape them?

making choices

2007-05-19T18:55:00.000+10:00

Life is about making choices. Every minute and second of the day, we are called to make choices. Some choices are big which may change our life forever while some are small which might bring us little disappointment even if they fail. But what more important is the question of whether the choices that we make make us feel good about our present situation or make us feel good about our life in long run despite us knowing what lies ahead may not be easy and simple.

I don't know about you guys out there, but i have been through the consequences of 'easy' solution and 'difficult' situation.

The past few months have been busy for me. I did not have time for blogging, neither did i have time to think twice of what I am doing. All i know is that i have to get things (in which i mean assignment) done by the due date. One of the things i thought was that after the exam, i would want to blog as many as i can, finish reading Nelson Mandela biography 'a road to freedom' and to do things that bring meaning to my life.

However, it did not turn out such way. Immediately after my final exam paper on Assessment in School, I spent few hours in the college canteen talking, chit chatting and expressing how grateful i was to have finish the last exam paper for my Degree programme. Indeed, all the things i did then made me feel so good about myself. Coming back home, life became more luxurious and easy when I dreamed of playing Cricket game which i was dying to play. Quickly, i dragged my laptop onto my bed, and spent hours playing it. I was supposed to sleep at that time, but my mind was too excited and busy about the game that i just didn't want to drop it.

However, around 4 something, something came. A message from Ignatius came informing me that there would be a CG gathering of Bible Study that night. I ignored the message the first time i read it. Putting the phone aside, i continued playing. it was until 5 something that another thing struck me suddenly. I was surfing on the Internet when suddenly i was put with the question, 'what are you doing?' i was brought back to witness every single thing i did after the examination: the canteen, the Cricket and the movie.

I opened the message again. This time i realize i need to make the right choice: to go or not to go, to spend my evening with meaningless activities or to spend my evening with something of meaning. Of course at that time, i have reasons and excuses to back my decision of not going as something meaningful. But i knew the thing i get at the end of the day would be better than the earlier.

Looking back on this example, i realize that we all do not just make choices, choices determine the kind of life we will have. And once we make a decision, that's us who is making the decision, not others.

We determine our own destiny by making the right decision. And if we don't make conscious choices, we may not even reach the goal that we have predetermined. Yet, conscious decisions are not easily attained. A big or major choice requires conscious and careful consideration of praying, meditating and spending more silent time with ourselves.

Whatever the decision, always remember to 'keep on the sunny side, always on the sunny side, keep on the sunny side of life'.

to wangsa maju

2007-05-12T03:00:00.000+10:00

Is there such thing as a never-ending grand ceremony? Most likely no. I once heard a Chinese proverb that says that, there is no such thing in the world as never-ending grand occasion. Somehow, it implies that no matter how lovely and special people come together at a place and get to know each other, a time will come when they have to say goodbye. And I think tonight, I have experienced this feeling ever so greatly and strongly. My Wangsa friends, with whom i have stayed with for the past 5 years, are going to leave this place for good soon.

and, there will be no more wangsa

I have been staying at my friend's place for almost five years regardless of the 2 years abroad. In retrospect, Wangsa Maju was a place i find peace and fun whenever i feel like running away from IPBA. Living in IPBA is good, but sometime it can be quite horrendous. Often, this will be the runaway place for me during weekends or holiday. This friend of mine, kyo (Dee Cheong) has always been there to welcome me no matter how busy he is, despite us fighting and scolding and disturbing each other at times.

Reflecting on the time when i left Malaysia, i realized i did not actually miss Wangsa that much. In many ways, i always thought that Wangsa will still be there even when i come back next time, hence, i don't have to worry too much about me losing Wangsa or my friend leaving me. And yes, indeed, Wangsa is still a place where i hang out at every weekend.

But thing has changed and time has changed. My two friends here have finished their study, and soon they will be going back to Sibu. And before long, they will be leaving to Singapore in search of new jobs. And, sooner i won't be coming back to the house again. Sooner, i won't see this house anymore. And sooner i too am leaving this place.

Somehow, the feeling of seeing people leaving is more heartbreaking than me leaving a place. This feeling is agonizing. For the past years, i was the one who left places. Hence the depressing feeling came when i was te one who had to leave the place. Hence, it never daunts on me that i would feel such agonized seeing people leaving around me.

Somehow, seeing people leaving around me makes me realized that i am no longer a child anymore. In childhood, children will come from different neighourhood and play together. But now, i am more of a grown-up person who need to plan and manage my own life. Very soon, i am entering adulthood where my daily routine will evolve around work, eat and sleep. Who knows, a new routine of building family may come in near future.

Anyway, the memories that are left in wangsa maju can always remain: the good and the bad times, the sweet and the sour memories. Maybe what's said of that there is no such thing in the world as never-ending grand occasion is in fact very true. We all have to grow up in age inevitably, even if one refuses. Yet one can always choose in his maturity, for maturity is not relative to one's age.

Good night.

26 guards

2007-05-02T23:25:00.000+10:00

(taken from a 4warded e-mail)

Here's a message that will bring you chills. Have
you ever felt the urge to pray for someone and then
just put it on a list and said, "I'll pray for them
later?"

Or has anyone ever called you and said, "I need you
to pray for me, I have this need?"

Read the following story that was sent to me and may
it change the way that you may think about prayer and
also the way you pray.

You will be blessed by this.

A missionary on furlough told this true story while
visiting his home church in Michigan.

"While serving at a small field hospital in Africa,
every two weeks I traveled by bicycle through the
jungle to a nearby city for supplies. This
was a journey of two days and required camping
overnight at the halfway point.

On one of these journeys, I arrived in the city
where I planned to collect money from a bank,
purchase medicine, and supplies,and then begin my
two-day journey back to the field hospital.

Upon arrival in the city, I observed two men
fighting, one of whom had been
seriously injured. I treated him for his injuries
and at the same time
talked to him about the Lord.

I then traveled two days, camping overnight, and
arrived home without incident.

Two weeks later I repeated my journey.

Upon arriving in the city, I was approached by the
young man I had treated.
He told me that he had known I carried money and
medicines. He said, 'Some friends and I followed
you into the jungle, knowing you would camp
overnight. We planned to kill you and take your
money and drugs.

But just as we were about to move into your camp, we
saw that you were surrounded by 26 armed guards.

At this, I laughed and said that I was certainly all
alone in that jungle campsite.

The young man pressed the point, however, and said,
'No, sir, I was not the
only person to see the guards, my friends also saw
them, and we all counted them.. It was because of
those guards that we were afraid and left you alone.'

At this point in the sermon, one of the men in the
congregation jumped to his feet and interrupted the
missionary and asked if he could tell him the
exact day this happened.

The missionary told the congregation the date, and
the man who interrupted told him this story:

"On the night of your incident in Africa, it was
morning here and I was preparing to go play golf.
I was about to putt when I felt the urge to pray
for you. In fact, the urging of the Lord was so
strong, I called men in this church to meet with
me here in the sanctuary to pray for you. Would
all of those men who met with me on that day stand up?"

The men who had met together to pray that day stood
up. The missionary wasn't concerned with who they were,
he was too busy counting how many men he saw.

There were 26.

This story is an incredible example of how the
Spirit of the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
If you ever hear such prodding, go along with it.

Nothing is ever hurt by prayer except the gates of
hell. I encourage you to forward this to as many people as you know.

If we all take it to heart, we can turn this world
toward God once again. As the above true story clearly
illustrates, "with God all things are possible".

More importantly, how God hears and answers the
prayers of the faithful.

After you read this, please pass it on and give God
thanks for the beautiful gift of your faith,
for the powerful gift of prayer, and for the many
miracles He works in your own daily life... and then
pass it on. Who says God does not work in mysterious ways

I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you
today. To guide you and protect you as you go along your way.
His love is always with you, His promises are true,
and when we give Him our cares you know He will
see us through.

So when the road you're traveling on seems difficult
at best, Just remember I'm here praying, and God will do the rest.

Pass this on to those whom you want God to bless.

Three days two nights

2007-04-29T23:52:00.000+10:00

I just returned from a 3 days 2 nights kursus at Hotel Seri Malaysia Bagan Lalang, Sepang. The kursus entitled Kursus Kepimpinan Pelajar involved the 21 student representatives or Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar, but one of our friends here did not turn up dued to some personal problem.

Setting out for the location early last Friday morning, we did not know what was in store for us. A hint given by our ustaz was quite positive. His opinion was that we are going to enjoy this trip and it's going to an enlightening one. But we thought otherwise. Considering the years we know our 'lovely' ustaz, we anticipated nothing more than a boring course, or a full-course ceramah and speeches from the top for three-full days.

We set off for Sepang after receiving an 'amanat' or blessing from our deputy director, Mr Yong. The journey took more or less 2 hours along winding and hilly roads. When I woke up, we had reached at our hotel already.

After checking into our own room, we had our first morning seminar. It was about the mission and vision of IPBA. Besides being entertained with the boring fact of IPBA's vision and mission, there was something else prepared for us. Something that requires us to think reflectively. The presentation that morning questioned our or particularly my personal vision and mission. With the help of some graphics in the presentation, i was asked, 'Imagine 20 years from now - you are surrounded by the most important people in your life. Who are they and what are you doing?' I will be 43 yo by then. and i will either be a well-known lecturer at one private college, or a hotelier who owns plenty of resorts and hotels. Not sure if it will turn out to be a success or not, but in the meantime, this is my vision to continue develop more knowledge, skills and expertise.

Perhaps, 20 yrs are too far ahead, what about five yrs from now, your local paper does a story about you and they want to interview three people... a parent, a brother or sister, and a friend. What would you want them to say about you? That's the question we were asked. It's surprising to see that though we have a vision distant away, it is good for us to be realistic about our goal or mission. And one good way is to ask ourselves this question. To me, i want those who were interviewed to say that i am a person who has gone through the ups and the downs moments in life; a fighter who never gives up; a do-er who turns plans into action; and more inspiringly, they will tell stories of when and how i have stood up from failure.

On Saturday evening, all of us went to the beach nearby. The beach is just a walk away from the hotel. It wasn't really a commercialized beach, but it's starting to gain attention from people. why? because of its name. I was stunned when i first heard its name: Sepang Gold Coast! Gold Coast? imitating Australia's most commercialized beach? tat's a long way to go man.

The beach is beautiful. But i despise the sea-water. Not only is it dirty and yellowishly-brown in colour, my legs and my feets became itchy after stepping into the water. Now, i regretted for stepping inside the water. We all did some physical activities there, while most girls took most of their time taking pictures.

a time to relax and smile

a time to play touch-rugby

When it's time for everyone to leave, i excused myself to stay for a little longer on the beach. It was 6 something in the evening, and slowly, i watched the sun setting behind huge patches of clouds. It was as though night came but there was still a ray of sunshine radiating from behind those clouds. I found myself a spot to sit down and enjoy the sea breeze and the sound of the wave breaking against the shore. There came a total peace in my heart, a feeling of calmness watching some making their ways down the water and splashing in the water.

us

sunset at Sepang Gold Coast

That night, after our last session at 11pm, some of us went to the beach. I was one of them. It was low tide, hence we were able to walk on ground that was covered by water evening ago. During the way there, we saw thousands and thousands of small crabs sideways away from us. My friends and i managed to catch a few of them and played them on our hands. It was great but we didn't get to take photos of it. The night turned out to be a lovely night out as that was the last night we stayed in Sepang, and that was the night that we don't have any curfew to abide by.

Sunday came and morning came, we all gathered in meeting room for our last two session. We learnt about SWOT - Strength, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threat - in relation to ourselves, MPP, and IPBA. As i was trying to figure out my weaknesses in relation to the many things i dared not do, i realized that i lacked of confidence to stand up in some situations, especially when it comes to voicing issues with the authority. This is just one of my weaknesses. Indeed, there are others too.

a time to work

Reflecting on this three days two nights trip, i think i dare say it has been an enlightening experience for me. It was beyond my imagination and thinking to know that i have learnt more than i have expected: having a vision and mission, proactivepassion and action, teamwork, trust, faith, strategist, smart, creative, critical, accountable, dedication, commitment, and most importantly, having the confidence in me to realize that nothing is impossible for me to achieve!

What i need now to constantly and continuously review what i am doing and to always remember my goals, mission and vision. Failure after all is a test for me to grow stronger and more persistent in my actions.

a time to pose

Malaysian Students are getting smarter

2007-04-14T17:24:00.000+10:00

Malaysian Students are getting smarter. What is the main objective of the STPM; is it just to pass people?

How do you explain the fact that 87% of the students passed the examinations of the Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia (STPM) recently?

When during your grandfather's time only 10% would have passed?
Are students getting smarter? Or are STPM questions getting easier?

Let me put things in their proper perspective.

During your grandfather's time, they would ask exam questions like:
In what year did Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka ?
The correct answer was "1402", and they found that only 10% of the students managed to answer the question correctly. This didn't go down too well with the authorities, because the o bjective of the exams was to pass people.
I mean, what's the point of having exams if people fail?

So later, they found another way to ask the same question:
Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year:
(a) 2001
(b) 2004
(c) 1986
(d) 1975
(e) 1402
Tick the correct answer.

The results were better in that 20% of the students passed. But it was still not good enough, so the authorities tried a different tact a few years later.

Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka in the year1402. True or false?

Well, half of the students guessed "True" and the other half guessed "False".
Fully 50% passed. The results were getting pretty acceptable by now.

Most other countries would be satisfied with a 50% passing rate, but not us.We are a better country, because we are a 'Boleh' country.

The authorities then cracked their heads and then came out with this one: Read the following sentence carefully.

"Parameswara, the cousin of Proton-Iswara, founded the kingdom ofMelaka in the year 1402."
Underline the name of the person who founded Melaka.
60% underlined "Parameswara", 30% u nderlined "Proton-Iswara" and 10% underlined "1402". Hooiyoh......60% managed to pass! So krever!

But for some reason, the authorities were still not contented. So last year, they came out with this :

One day in the year 1402, Parameswara founded the kingdom of Melaka . Then he went home to have dinner. What did he eat?

13% handed in blank answers, 57% wrote "Maggi Mee", and 10% wrote"Kentucky Fried Chicken", and 20% wrote "Tree bark".

The official answer was "Food" of course!

Upon marking completion, it was found that 87% of the students had passed. 87%............now that's pretty impressive!

So it's true. The students are indeed getting smarter.

cough

2007-04-01T03:38:00.000+10:00

I have been coughing badly for almost three weeks now. Having tried three to four types of different medication, I thought it would subside. But that wasn't the case. It seemed like the moment i swallowed the syrup, i coughed even more badly. For almost 2 weeks, this has caused a great uncomfort and inconvenience for me. I attended my Majlis MPP with a non-stop cough, talked to my friends with a hand closing my mouth and had a husky voice everytime i talked.

Really, this cough in which i never experienced before has drained my confidence in doing anything. Sometimes i would feel headache when forcing myself to think too much. Sleeping is the hardest thing to do during this few weeks. Very often, i would have unstoppable cough for around 3o minutes before i sleep. And i don't like it at all. as a result, i ended up not doing anything. Thank God, last week, I didn't have to hand up any assignment which requires a lot of brain working.

Then on Thursday, after a tiring day of Kejohanan Olaraga Tahunan IPBA, after a tablespoon of cough syrup plus an afternoon nap, I coughed badly. As usual, the cough was dry and frequent. Then, my nightmare daunt on me that I suspected myself of having a Tuberculosis (TB). I asked my roommate, and he suggested me to go for a checkup. Immediately, i went to my fren's room to find out more about TB is on Wikipedia. The possible symptoms of TB which are relatively similar to mine are chest pain, chill, night sweat, 2-3 weeks of cough. BADDDDDDD!!!

(Doreen & I)

I called upon my junior, Ashes who has always been there to help me whenever i have trouble, to get a bike. He got a bike, but couldn't accompany me. Instead, Nigel, another junior of mine, accompanied me there. Arriving there, the nurses told me to come the next day as the clinic is closed in the afternoon. That night, my mind was filled with the idea that i am having TB, and my time might be up soon as dreamt. :p Some friends asked me what sickness i had, and i 'cleverly' told them that i am having a TB. Their faces immediately changed, with expression of disbelief or shock or even worried.

(Ashes and me)
On early Friday morning, as it was a cuti peristiwa, I brought along Nigel to UM hospital to teman me. He agreed. The process to get a doctor took around 1 hour. Then, i had my x-ray which caused me to wait for another hour. After a long 4-hour in the hospital, the x-ray result was out. My lung is alright, my throat is clear, my blood pressure is normal and most importantly, I DON'T HAVE TUBERCULOSIS! thank God!

so what has happened to me? apparently, it's something to do with the flu i had in me which remained inside me which result in allergy. It's something like there's fluid or liquid or phlegm inside my nose dripping down my lung and irritates my lung. This in effect causes my lung to react and cough. What's wrong with my cough syrup? there's nothing wrong with my medicine. It's just that the medicine has not effect on the allergy. therefore, i see no effect upon drinking the syrup.

Now that i am feeling much better, i have to thank Nigel and Ashes for being so helpful to accompany me to UM hospital. Not only that, they have helped me got a bike which made my journey there way more convenient, without having to take taxi or bus. Also, i have to thank all my friends who have showed much concern for me. Your messages are very much appreciated.

Of all my friends i have told, i didn't inform her about my suspicion of getting a TB. It questioned me at first whether i should or should not tell her about this. After having to consider the factor of her being busy and concentrate in her studies, i decided not to tell her. Not only was i not sure i am getting a TB, i don't want her to feel worried about me which might lower her concentration. But, she is well informed of it now.

Now that i am gradually getting better, she on the other hand is suffering from cough and cold. I know it's going to be hard on her. Overcoming it is not going to be easy, especially when it can have an psychological effect on one person. I hope she's doing fine there. hopefully and prayfully, she is recovering in great speed ('speedy recovery' she called it). And God will heal her cough quickly and give her the strength to work on what she has to accomplish. Amen!

Life here

2007-03-27T12:15:00.000+10:00

[how should I start this?]

[thinking…]

…….

A month ago, as Cheryl asked me to join Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar (MPP), I thought it was rubbish. But, it came true. I am the senator for Pemimpin 1 now. Yet, its experience has not been very enjoyable and pleasant so far. Besides getting to know more friends and people upon elected which can be considered as a good aspect of the thing, I or most of us are involved heavily in work related to Hal Ehwal Pelajar as well as the administration.

To this day, I have quit many things which are of my favourite. The dearest one is badminton KAGUM 07. I realized that after joining MPP, time is never on my side as I always have meetings to attend to. As a result, my time allocated for badminton is replaced with this. More to this, KAGUM 07 is coming soon. And if I really want to commit myself into this, full commitment and determination and efforts will be needed, i.e. intensive practice and training. And I realize I cannot fulfill them all. I have been thinking hard about this thing. And I decided to give it up as on last Sunday. Mr. Gomez my lecturer as well as my trainer asked me today about this issue, and I told him exactly how I have gone through. He nodded and told me to do what I think it’s right.

After joining MPP, I have spent less time for myself. Admittedly, I have to go down field everyday in conjunction with the Sport day this Thursday. This is where I spent at least an hour of my evening time there waiting for the authority to pass me some duties. This week for example, I have Majlis Perlantikan MPP 07 this Wednesday, and Sport Day this Thursday. I really have not found a single fruitful experience in joining this yet. One of my friends who is also a MPP and I today shared the ‘busy’ness and huge accountability needed for this MPP. To one extent, we even talked about quitting it. But you know, as much as I like to quit this thing, to get over this, to get myself out of this, I cannot do it. There seems to be something calling me to press on, to fight on and to struggle on. In a way, I believe that our responsibility as teacher is not only to teach, but to carry out tasks which we like or may not be of our interest. But no matter what, when we are put in this position, we have to embrace whatever it brings us, hoping that there’s something that we can learn from it.

Tonight is the first night I reflect this much after a week of full-assignments-schedule last week. Come to think of it, I have to say that I have not tried as best as that I can, I have not become who I wanna be, and I have not prepared myself well and efficiently for the assignments last week. I don’t know how they will turn up. In fact, last Thursday, as I was working on my CS individual assignment, I for the first time in my life, felt moody and nervous breakdown which never happened in my life. Though that assignment consists of 1000 words only, I could feel the heaviness in the assignment which drained my confidence in writing. Immediately I stopped and prayed, asking Him to give me the strength to move on. And He did. Within a minute or two, I started to feel a feeling of peace in me. Gradually and slowly, I gained my confidence back to continue writing. That night, I didn’t sleep and yet I didn’t feel sleepy. After finishing my work, I was reminded of the story ‘Footstep’ – ‘when you see only one set of footprint, it was then that I carried you’. Thank you Father.

This Wednesday, as I take up the vow of being an official MPP student council, I am well aware of the many challenges I am going to face and the sacrifices I need to make. Time management will definitely be an issue for me, accountability towards colleagues’ needs and wants. Cannot go MV that often already, cannot go Wangsa Maju that often already, cannot go gym that often already, cannot go this cannot that. Waaaaaaaaaa… can really die lar….

Should I be worrying about my assignments? Indeed I think I should. In fact, I am, even to the extent of me being sick now. But I am feeling much better now. Stress ah….. requires a lot of smart management. Last year, my stress just revolved around assignments; this time around, my stress revolves around many many things: assignments, MPP, friendships. Three are enough to make me tension already.

How-ler? Pray-lor I guess. Only through Him that I will find my inner peace. This song that I am listening now, ‘God will make a way for me’ comes exactly at the right time. ‘God will make a way for me, God will make a way through the sea, even bring the mountain down for me. Coz nothing is too hard for Him, He created everything…’

sleepless nightsss

2007-03-21T02:45:00.000+10:00

1am

It is a hectic week. I knew it months ago. Yet, i took up the challenge to face it. So, with three assignments due this week, I am and have been spending sleepless nights working on it. Tomorrow i will submit one massive assignment on Curriculum Studies. Yet, i have yet to finish it. Am waiting for Doreen to go online to send me her file (same group). It seems very likely that i will be spending another sleepless night tonight.

I still have one assignment after the tomorrow's submission. it dues this Friday, and i have not started a thing yet. *gasp* Dieeeeeeee.... nvm la.... i will survive. another few sleepless nights ahead.

After all the assignment submission this Friday, i'm so gotta get myself a good sleep plus a get away from this place. This place is killing me softly and i cannot let myself die here. There are so many things i wanna do after this Friday. hopefully, i can get some of them done.

Till then,
get back to work!

Japan here i come

2007-03-10T01:18:00.000+10:00

let me do me a quick blog.

Currently i am at the departure hall of KLIA using my laptop to go online. Thanks to the wireless provider by KLIA as well as Starbucks, i am doing something meaningful than looking at people walking pass in front of me.

Let's just recap what i've gone through these few days. Basically i have been very busy and 'busy' doing assignments which due the week after this 1-week-holiday. Three assignments to be precise: LTP's lesson plan, CS's remedial programme and CS's personal write up. Lots of work and thinking and efforts have been put in, yet it's NOT sufficient.

The initial plan of completing three assignments in this week doesn't go well. I thought by doing so i could have a better holiday in Japan. But it seems more like now i am bringing along my laptop, few notes from different subjects, and few books to Japan, with a hope that i can do something over this one week.

I SHOULD BE HAVING A SWEET HOLIDAY NOW! NOT BEING TIED DOWN BY ALL THESE WORK!

but anyway, i guess i am used to this kind of situation, where no matter how busy you are in a day, you just need to squeeze out some time to do what you think you must do.

I am supposed to be thinking where i wanna go in Japan (Sakura etc etc), what i wanna buy, what i wanna eat, and about how i can make this trip more meaningful, but all i can think of now is to complain over this unfinished work and to think about how and when to do them. sighhh...

the amount of hand luggages we have

still putting my smiling face though my brain is cramped with assignment worries

international departure just in case u've nvr seen it before

that's sleepy Chow Yun Fat sitting next to me.

2007-02-25T14:04:00.000+10:00

Stg's gotta happen this week.

Not sure if it's good or bad,

but i must be alert.

I shall wait and see.

Saying Grace In A Restaurant

2007-02-24T01:01:00.000+10:00

(the following is adapted from a forwarded email)

Last week, I took my children to a restaurant.

My six-year-old son asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, my son burst into tears and asked me, "Did I do it wrong?Is God mad at me?"

As I held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job, and God was certainly not
mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my son asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied.

Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, I bought my kids ice cream at the end of the meal.

My son stared at his for a moment, and then did something I will remember the rest of my life.

He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over and placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes; and my soul is good already."

THE END

~Sometimes, we all need some ice cream.
I hope God sends you some Ice Cream today~

precious gift

2007-02-20T20:09:00.000+10:00

i am redeeming a present given to me on 23rd Dec 06. I was lost, now i am found!

Firstly, a silver ring of PRIORITY. May you always remember to set your priorities right as you look at the ring on your finger. But beware, for there will also be many things along the way that will be of distraction. The ring will lose its glow if you allow them to bring you off track, and it will then lose its purpose, becoming just another ordinary accessory. Keep its glow!

Secondly, a cap of MOTIVATION. Putting on the cap gives you external motivation, and may you know that there are many who will always support and encourage you along the way. But bear in mind, that without intrinsic motivation, without a strong willpower within you to keep going, all external motivation will be in vain. Wear the cap though, so that you know you are not alone.

Lastly, a simple PRAYER. May His strength sustain you; His hand be your guide; His grace be your suffiency.

i really like this, and i am going to DO it!
"ipba dun offer you a good environment, then u create the environment mar"

Lines

2007-02-19T14:10:00.000+10:00

(the following is from a fwd e-mail...)

Standing for what you believe in,

Regardless of the odds against you,

And the pressure that tears your resistance,

...means Courage.

Keeping a smile on your face,

When inside you feel like dying,

For the sake of supporting others,

...means Strength.

Stopping at nothing,

And doing what's in your heart,

You know is right,

...means Determination.

Doing more than is expected,

To make another's life a little more bearable,

Without uttering a single complaint,

...means Compassion.

Helping a friend in need,

No matter the time or effort,

To the best of your ability,

...means Loyalty.

Giving more than you have,

And expecting nothing,

But nothing in return,

...means Selflessness.

Holding your head high,

And being the best you know you can be,

When life seems to fall apart at your feet,

Facing each difficulty with confidence

that time will bring you better tomorrow's,

and never giving up,

...means Confidence.

To the question of your life

you are the only Answer.

To the problems of your life

you are the only Solution.

Mariah Carey - Can't Take That Away From Me

2007-02-19T13:56:00.000+10:00

They can say,
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me,

And they can try
How to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to falter in what I believe or loose faith in my dreams
'Cause there's,
There's a light in me,
That shines brightly,
They can try,
But they can't take that away from me

From meNo no nooo
Oh they,
They can do
Anything they want to you,
If you let them in,
But they won't ever win,
If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside,
See I,
I have learned,
There's an inner peace I own,
Something in my soul that they can not possess
So I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade
'Cause there's,
There's light in me,
That shines brightly, yes
They can try,
But they can't take that away from me
No oh oh,
They can't take this
Precious love I'll always have inside me,
Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to goWoah, woah
They can say
Anything they want to say,
Try to bring me down,
But I won't face the ground,
I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,
Although they do try,
How to make me feel that I,
Don't matter at all,
But I refuse to fall,
Tell me what I believe or loose faith in my dreams,

'Cause there's a light in me,
That shines brightly yesThey can try but they can't take that away from me
From me
No no nooo
Me

new site to EXPLORE

2007-02-18T20:43:00.000+10:00

A cousin of mine came all te way from Kuching for CNY, but the best thing about him coming to house now is to show me this unbelievably 'awesome' website, called uncyclopedia!

For a start, just type the only thing that comes into your head now, for example, MALAYSIA or Albert Einstein, and you'll find information which you'll never expect.

The first time i read the Malaysia articles, it was so funny and entertaining. But as i moved more detailed into reading its content, it does go a little 'honest' and 'revealing' about what's happening in Malaysia. In fact, i was taken aback by what they said.

Anyway, i gotta let you have a read at it and get some feedbacks from u soon!

A road to discovery

2007-02-16T22:30:00.000+10:00

"The only real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new EYES"

(as cited by Marcel Proust in Loving annabelle, 2006)

Home

2007-02-16T02:30:00.000+10:00

I am home after a month of hectic and challenging life in IPBA. I am tired mentally, physically and emotionally. Thanks to a busy day this morning where I had two tutorials classes to attend to and the Jabatan HEP (Hal Ehwal Pelajar) to chase after their signature of my absence. While today was still a working Thursday, the college seemed very much deserted after its recess hour. It could be speculated that both students and even lecturers who don’t have classes are heading back home for CNY!

Trying to make full use of the remaining few hours in IPBA, Doreen, Elyas, Rosalynn and I went out for a leisure drive and walk at Bangsar which slowly drew the two ladies to some dress shopping. One even ended up buying a cool and cheap dress there!

There is not much time left to spare once i arrived back hostel. I quickly packed up my luggage. Just as I packed and looked for the things to be brought back, I stumbled on a pendant which has long been kept in my drawer. It’s a hook-shaped pendant given to me on my birthday last year. Taking it out of the drawer took me back to the time when I first looked at it saying 'whoaaa' and when I first wore it. It is pretty but it’s a little dusty. It’s so obvious that I have not been wearing it for quite some time. And although its black string looked a little dusty, the white pendant is still shiny like before.

Somehow, I was brought to reflect the times when I neglected her over the past few weeks. I had come out with a hundred and one reasons to cover myself eg discussion, meeting, dinner, appointment etc. It worked but somehow i feel the uneasiness within. Also, not everything has fallen in the right place. in fact, many important things are not done yet as compared to unimportant things like watching movies, outing etc. Priority is one that i am lacking of now. It would be a big challenge for me next Tuesday when i go back IPBA and give myself a new opportunity to once again set my priorities right.

In the taxi where I was on a 1-hour trip to the airport, I was brought to think how fast time has passed. It seemed like yesterday when I first stepped on KL in pursuit of a new semester in IPBA; but now I was on my way back home. In this one month, something amazing happened. I didn’t whinge about my future practicum which is coming soon in July. Neither did I complain about my future life as a language teacher. I made less comparison about my life in IPBA and in Brisbane back then, except one which is on the lack of resources and books in IPBA library. Perhaps, I begin to be able to accept the fact of me becoming a future language teacher. It’s crazy but I think I begin to see myself as a language teacher now. What is happening to me? What is happening around me? Has it been something working within me? Should it be a good thing or a bad thing?

Anyway, I’m tired now. Hardly can I think anymore. It’s time to take some time off to rest now. The question of whether it’s good or bad will appear one day.

REunite

2007-02-10T15:07:00.000+10:00

It’s a night not forgotten. It’s a night to be remembered. A night where impossible became possible, dreams became reality, and all efforts and hard work are paid off in the end. About a week ago, Anas, Allen and Faisal came out with the idea of having a night of reunite-cum-performance before we submit ourselves readily into the life of endless assignment submission following the next few weeks. And we called the night ‘REunite’.

When this plan has got its approval from the authority, its preparation was in full swing. Different groups of dance enthusiasts began looking for volunteers. Similarly, committee members were busy preparing and arranging events and ideas days and night. I on a lower profile volunteered myself to join the one-of-the-best-art-dances as described by Glo called Glowing in the dark.

As choreographed by Hani, we had our first dance practice on the day I had my right wisdom tooth removed. I could in fact talk on the first night despite my half numb face resulted from the ecstasy injection. That night, I was asked by Tapa if I was interested to do Haka dance. I agreed. The next day, I was informed that there will be a break dance on the night. Having no idea how to move or act like a hip-hop rapper, I agreed again with a hope that this experience would be an awesome one.

Basically, we had only one week to prepare for this night. Those who were committed and chose to volunteer had put in a great deal of effort to make this night possible. I, for example, suggested an idea of using technology to do slideshow on the night. The next second I knew, I was in the team. I was in charge of technology, particularly on the section of creating and editing video. It was on Monday night when this was suggested; and the show was just two nights ahead.

That night, I started scratching my head to think of a good introduction. Finally, I had it done perfectly but it was already 4.30am on my laptop’s screen (lectures began at 8.00am that morning). There were seven sections which I needed to do and 5-8 minutes was allocated for each section. It’s considered late to start then, but all I could think of at that moment was to have it done successfully. I regarded this project – this night – as a night of utmost importance because lecturers, friends and even Nesa would come and I wanted them to enjoy every single moment of it. I wanted to give it my best shot.

Time was running as I was working behind time. Many challenges came along my way: not enough photos from each university, time constraints, my own dance practices, insufficient ideas and painful tooth. That Tuesday, I knew I won’t be sleeping that night because of the loads of work to be completed. At 3.00am Wednesday morning, I just completed the first part. 6 parts to go! As persistent as my effort went, my friends here too were also running against time in completing their work. I really appreciated their efforts in giving up their time for this night. I understood some who in fact gave up and slept after a long night of work. By 7.30am the next morning, I had only completed 3 7-minutes-slideshows. It was the first time in my life that I spent a sleepless night for something non-academic. Indeed, I went to class that Wednesday morning with a pair of tired eyes yet determined heart of completing the slideshows.

Class finished at 12.30pm. 8 hours to go! Already I felt a little hopeless in this task completion thing, but all my friends told me not to keep going. In my tired eyes yet active brain functioning, I continued working. At 3pm, I finished the fourth part! The fifth’s at 4pm! Before I forget, Allen had me participated in Para-para sakura dance for this night, and so he explained to me about its formation at 4pm something. Back to working, the sixth and the seventh were quite short and so I had them both done in an hour time. By 5.30pm, I successfully completed everything! I remembered I being very hungry at that moment; and Nesa told me he had arrived already. So we went Scud and had dinner there.

It was a total contentment to see that everything was done well before the event started.

On the night, I chose to wear a rapper costume. Since I thought I was participating in the break dance and had never worn a hip-hop baju, I decided to give it a try. The night was fantastic as it moved along. Dances went excellently awesome, especially for Haka dance for which people thought it was lame and unreal at first. After the night, I took lots of pictures with my friends around despite my tired eyes and brain this time.

me, Dodo & Elyas

Me, Allen & Dodo
group pics

Vwen, me & Cath

me & Ashes

The Hip-Hop boys

The best things I loved about that night were that:
- the sleepless night.
- Nesa coming from Melaka and watched my show.
- wearing like a rapper.
- words of encouragement from my fellow friends.
- words of compliments after the show.
- strong unity between each one of us after the show.
- the feeling of teamwork between each one of us despite the time constraints.

The night proved to me once again that nothing is impossible when I called upon Jesus’s name. Even the sleepless night would not hinder me from completing what I want to do. All thanks to those who had helped me so much throughout this period of time. Knowing that I am blogging now, Allen, my roommate now, asked me to include his name in this blog. So here you go Allen. Thanks to u too! And though saham has naik after the night, I must maintain my humility with others. There is nothing to be proud of myself because all good things come from Him. With everything that I am doing, I am doing it for Him. At least now I can publicly declare that I have done something meaningful in my life here in IPBA.

Ps: Mr. Aslam our lecturer yesterday commented our REunite that night as 3S’s: Spectacular, Sensational and … he left the last one for us to think. Is it supposed to be a suspense sir? Do we need one? :p

I believe in you

2007-01-21T00:42:00.000+10:00

IL DIVO LYRICS- I Believe In You (Je Crois En Toi)

Lonely
The path you have chosen
A restless road
No turning back
One day you will find your light again
Don't you know
Don't let go
Be strong

Chorus:
Follow you heart
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you
Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe in you.

Tout seul
Tu t'en iras tout seul
Coeur ouvert
A L'univers
Poursuis ta quete
Sans regarder derriere
N'attends pas
Que le jour
Se leve
Suis ton etoile
Va jusqu'ou ton reve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
Si tu crois si tu crois si tu crois
En toi
Suis la lumiere
N'eteins pas la flamme que tu portes
Au fonds de toi souviens-toi
Que je crois que je crois que je crois
Que je crois
En toi
Someday I'll find you
Someday you'll find me too
And when I hold you close
I'll know that is true
Follow your heart

Chorus:
Let you love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you
Follow your dreams
Be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you can not do
I believe, I believe, I believe in you.

Left and Right brain

2007-01-18T13:34:00.000+10:00

".... If you do not use your RIGHT brain, you are LEFT with the WRONG side of the brain,
and nothing great LEFT."

Change

2007-01-17T14:04:00.000+10:00

Tonight, as I looked back at the days passed by, I can’t believe myself making such a positive adaptation to the life of IPBA. There are so many things which I wish to whinge about but I stay calm and tolerant over them, believing always that there are people out there who might not be as fortunate as I am. Things such as better Internet expectation, better collection of resources, better choices of food, better environment for learning, better accommodation, better weather and better transportation, are just some of the impossible things that will ever happen here. Somehow, I could adapt myself nicely here, without facing too much of a hassle.

Things change; situations change; people change. That’s the beauty of life. I can’t deny that some of my friends here have changed big time, physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually. While taking some time to catch up with the latest gossips, I was made aware of some friends who have actually changed drastically and are now complete different people. Yesterday, I was just telling one of my friends that I could not believe all of us now are back together again. It seemed like yesterday we met and today we are seeing each other again. I remembered last time, I had to go to one place to see collective of friends there, and today, we are seeing each other everyday even if we don’t wish to. He nodded in agreement. I guess changes are inevitable and it is not a good thing though if we are on the purpose of discovering more about our inner self.

I don’t know how coming back to IPBA will change me. Will it ever change me? Or will I obstruct myself from making any changes? Will it change me for better or for worse? Will I be the same person as how I looked like when I leave this place end of this year? How would I look like? Many uncertainties. I believe there will be unpredictable roads which I will step on and walk on it as I go along this year. But will I pull off from this road? How do I know if this road leads to greater discovery of me?

Today, I finished reading a biography book called ‘My Story’ by Lim Goh Tong. It’s interesting to read and notice how his life has changed from one occupation to another. Though he started his dream of building Genting in his 50’s, I believe what he had gone through in the past had slowly and consecutively prepared him to be who he is today and what he has accomplished today. What he’d gone through were the positive values and attitudes of ongoing effort, perseverance, think positive, decisiveness, never give up, respect for risk-taking, and one who believes that there is always something: something to think of, something to make thing happen, something to do, something more than just something, something in something and something good in everything.

I have yet to find out where I am heading to in years to come. The fact that I have come back IPBA marks a last hurdle to my life as a student teacher. What’s certain ahead is the road to primary school for few years (maybe 3 or 4 years) which is essential for my experience and my vocation – my purpose in life. One thing I noticed about my life is as I walk on this life journey, this journey is becoming tougher and harder, with its own obstacles, temptations, doubts, uncertainties and challenges. Questions become more difficult to answer; friendship becomes harder to maintain; people become weirder beyond our comprehension; situations become harder to handle.

But u know, it’s always good or should I say BEST is to stay positive, to think positive, and to act positive.

Ps: I must thank Biribiri for encouraging me to write an appeal letter to Peter. Apparently, Jo replied me later with conviction that Peter has agreed to give me an extra mark. I am waiting in eager for the change. Thanx to my mum and dad too for supporting and praying unceasingly for me. U guys are the best!

it begins

2007-01-10T15:52:00.000+10:00

It's a new semester now,
There is so much to hope for now.

There have been disappointment,
and there have been contentment.

So many assignments,
So few books.

So many things to think about,
So few solutions received.

So many unpredictable events,
all i need is trust, hope, believe, and love.

a letter from Jo

2007-01-08T22:21:00.000+10:00

This is a letter from the person who has made great impact in my life. It's meant to be kept as a reminder for me ALWAYS in this final year.

Date: Mon, 08 Jan 2007 10:06:59 +1000
To: ed47cohort 1@qut.edu.au
From: jo carr
Subject: hello and welcome back!

Welcome back to 4th year! - am thinking of you all, imagining you settling in, sorting yourselves out, getting used to shared accommodation again, reconnecting with the rest of the cohort - goodness, what tales to tell and news to swap! Will be fascinating for you all. All my very, very best for this final year now beginning. Some great challenges - will be looking forward to hearing how it all goes. Hope what we did together over the two years will have helped you to do really well. I have great confidence in you all.

Hope you all had a wonderful break. Heard from quite a few of you - sounding so happy and relaxed - this is good. I am about to write your end of year reports - with apologies for being so late - but there was really nothing I could do about it before now. They'll be with IPBA as soon as I can finish them. It will feel rather final then, I guess: you really have gone! Miss you all. Loved working with you and knowing you - and look forward to seeing you when I come to KL - though we usually meet at the times when your on holiday, so that may not work out.

OK - all for now. Bon courage for your settling back into IPBA mode... work hard, take it easy, breathe deeply at regular intervals! Send me news from time to time, and let me know if I can help with anything. Will have Cohort 3 arriving next month, and am to be teaching Cohort 2 as well as the new one - so will be pretty Malaysian-busy, which I'm happy about. I'm also now the TESOL Coordinator, since my friend Jane has retired, so am going to have my hands full. I too will remember to breather deeply..

Take care all of you,

Jo.

time to let go

2007-01-06T02:17:00.000+10:00

Two years ago, one of my assignments in 2nd semester was 83.5. It was disasterous to see that with one and a half mark, i would get a 7 already. There was nothing much i could about it after having to know from my lecturer, Jim that my mark would not be changed. I let it go.

Last year, same thing happened again. 84 this time. Even worse! 1 mark. After months of sending and receiving emails from him (Peter), the dream of hoping to get a 7 is shattered. What do u want me to do? pleading to him to have it corrected again? flying there to plead him? NO way.

truly, there is no reason for me not to not hope again for a 7. Miracle doesn't happen all the time, i guess. Things don't go the way we want them to be. Timing is not right. Everything is in place yet they seem to be sinking. i think and think. think of why he won't give me just 1 mark? professional ethics? discriminations? past phobia? all full of crap reasons.

Looking elsewhere to find better reasons, i saw two words from a wooden frame, 'peace' and 'believe'. what's tat supposed to mean? to actually ask me to believe in miracles again and to believe that a 7 will turn out one day? hahaha...

i was devastated as i said, with this result thing, not with other thing. And i think sometimes, we just have to learn to let go what you cannot hang on to. like this result, there is no reason why i should keep or remain hope in it again. i did what i can. yet Miracle didn't happen. So that's it. End of the story. Case closed! to hope that miracle to get a 7 will happen again is to cling on to the past. Sighhh. life has so much more to offer u than to cling on ur past.

Should i let go of this hope? or should i not? i have let go of any form of miracle that will ever happen on this.

Time will tell.

God speaks in my Passion

2006-12-28T14:58:00.000+10:00

The following words are not mine, but quoted from a Passionate priest who at the retreat on 'God speaks in my Passion' gave us this talk/speech.

What is your passion?

There is a difference between living out your Vision and Managing your life. If we take the example of a group cutting through a jungle: the good Manager will have all the tools needed available, will have organized people to be cutting away at different points in the jungle, will have other people organized to clear the foliage cut down to ensure the path is clear for those coming up from behind, etc. The Person with Vision, on the other hand will be the one who climbs the highest tree and yells out "Hey guys, i think we're in the wrong jungle!"

You can choose to live your life, or you can choose to manage it. In an old film called "Maine," Aunty Maine said, "Life is a banquet, and most poor souls are starving to death." Living your life is about having vision, otherwise your life might be managed brilliantly, but where is it going?

Being Passionate about something is being outward focused, otherwise there will be stagnation and decline.

At his inaugural speech in 1994, Nelson Mandela quoted from a book called, "Return to Love" by Marianne Williams:

"...Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our won fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Life is a banquet:
To me, live life as a banquet is to have a purpose in life. Just like a banquet, a banquet is held for a purpose, be it for someone's achievement or retirement. When it is such, the purpose of attending is not to enjoy the beautiful food there, but to attend to its purpose. When the purpose is wrong, banquet becomes meaningless. likewise, life becomes meaningless if we don't have a purpose or a vision.

At one point, banquet is beautiful and is often prepared with delicious food which pleases our eyes, lips, fingers, nose and stomach. it's good for our soul and stomach. Living a life as a banquet also means choosing and living a life in which our senses can offer us in our satisfaction, achievement, happiness, and fullness.

As 2006 comes to an end,
i will continue walking.
i will continue to seek His purpose in me.
i will continue to listen to the voice within.
i will continue to keep the Spirit burning.

i will continue learning.
i will continue to put my trust in Him.
i will continue to hold on to my conviction.
i will continue to let Him pedal.

Christmas at home

2006-12-28T00:31:00.000+10:00

I must say that the Christmas this year has been a wonderful one. Plenty of good things and surprises came along this Christmas that went beyond my imagination.

The best Christmas gift i received year is not of my own. It's a borrowed digital camcorder. Last two weeks, i was struggling over a digital camcorder which failed to transfer a mini DV tape into my laptop. i was totally frustrated because i could not have all the data in DV tapes. Few CDs that i have were scratched badly and could not be used. i lost my hope in transfering the datas i must say, because my mind has already turned to how to use those data that i presently have, to make the best of them. It was until Christmas Eve that i asked my mum if my cousin has a digital camcorder. i didn't know what made me asked that question. I unexpectedly had determination to give it another try. It turned out very precisely on the Christmas night when i asked my cousin if she has a digital camcorder. She nodded and was willing to borrow me. That night, i was succeeded in transfering my mini DV tapes into my laptop. i was so excited. The feeling then was phenomenal!! I said it's the best gift for me because to some extent, it's a miracle by Him, or a voice within me that gives me a new hope.

My second Christmas gift was a pair of silver ear stud given by my cousins - Pauline ah jia, Irene ah jia and Siaw Ling ah jia. i wasn't expecting them to give me anything because i am a little too big (refusing to say 'old') to receive any present liao. But, they still gave me a beautiful present. What's more surprising was that they had me worn it. Aaaaaaarrrrrrr~~~

My third Christmas gift was a pair of glasses given by mum. Indeed, my previous glasses has broken. Its left 'leg' has broken into two, recently broken another. So, all together made 3 separate 'leg's. Now i have a new fashionable glasses which i will precious for another 3 years maybe, before my head gets any bigger.

My fourth Christmas gift was a trip to KK sponsored by my cousin - Siaw Ling ah jia. Truly, this sister of mine brought me around KK and Gunung Kinabalu on an old Pajero. We stayed overnight at Perkasa Hotel, the highest hotel in Kundasang because it is situated exactly on the mountain. The cloud was below us at night and in the morning. Cool~ We went for seafood makan, which cost us double digits. Wow~ I think the highlight for me in KK is to spend quality time at her work place and at Tanjung Aru, watching beautiful sunset.

My fifth Christmas gift was a special one. It is a unique present that is beyond material objects. It soothes my heart and gives me peace. It's a present by Santa Claus. Asked if i am excited o not? of course i am. It's St.Nicholas, the person to which the story of Santa Claus begins, who gives Nicholas Ling a gift wo. Of course this must be one precious one. What is important is not just to find out who writes it in which i've known of. instead, keeping it dearly in my heart and reminding myself everyday of these words r more important. Thank u Biribiri.

This Christmas has been a phenomenal one, an awesome one. Never have i known that i am a lucky person or man. Therefore, this year Christmas, i have learned something new which is to thank those who have done wonderful deeds and change in my life. Even to those who have not, i thank them for being present in my life. I have come to a realization that now i am no longer a 'take' or 'receive' person, i am now a man who must learn how to 'give' and 'share' and 'serve'.

~Learning to stay silence~

Someone special in my life

2006-12-25T00:52:00.000+10:00

Christmas is always a time of joy, peace, happiness and more importantly hope. It fills me with joy to know that we have a savior born for us, and indeed we are celebrating. Just as our schedule is filled with activities like BBQ, partying, open-house, drinking, hanging out and stuffs, i like to think of it as a time of appreciation, a time to thank those who have helped me unceasingly, and brought incredible change in me. And as i began to reflect on my academic life in the past two years, my mind turns immediately to one person who has helped me unconditionally. She lifted me up when i was miserably defeated. She offered me unconditional help more than any person would do. And, this person is Jo Carr.

~Buka Puasa '05~
Jo is my course coordinator - ED47. When i first entered QUT, it was totally a different environment from IPBA. Then, she would make an appointment with all of my cohort every Friday afternoon, to talk to us informally and more importantly, to know more about us. One of the questions she asked then was, "Who here likes to be a teacher?", "Who never thinks that he/she's going to be a teacher?" and "Who is here because of their parents?" I remembered i was giggling at the back there with my friends. I wasn't really interested in her questions, but i enjoyed her English. It's very entertaining i must admit. We talked for like one hour before we were dismissed. We had that for almost a semester. Later, this made me realized that Jo is a friendly lecturer, someone whom i can talk easily to. And this set the ball rolling.

As she was one of my unit's lecturer, she always offered us help especially in draft correction. She didn't nag us, but in a polite manner, she asked us to send her assignment draft if we could finish it early. As a late-minute guy in IPBA, i was never interested in doing assignment early. But, i stubbornly sent her my draft (my first draft) a few days before its submission, and to my total surprise, there were many errors. and i mean a lot, countless of them. More surprisingly, it the reply or the corrected draft came in after few hours i sent in. How efficient i thought she is. No lecturer in m`sia would ever do that. This slowly motivated me to correct my mistakes, and slowly encouraged me to do my assignment early with the intention that she would correct it for me, and i would get an A for it. Back then, getting A is an impossible thing for me to do. Never in my IPBA life that i've ever got an A. An A seemed to be the hardest job i would want to achieve. As much as she has helped me with my draft, i became more motivated to do the same with other units as well. In the end of first semester, i was surprised to see that i'd actually got 2A's. All thanks to Jo and Jan who was my determined language support lecturer.

Second semester came, and it definitely had become tougher than the first. The highlight for the second semester is that i've failed my Children's Literature first assignment. On 21st Sept 05, after putting my effort and burning midnight oil in working on this assignment, it turned out 'miraculously' that i got a 3/7 which is a Low Pass - a grade that will cause my student visa to be terminated if i get more than 3 times. What caused me more frustrated was the unit's lecturer who didn't seem to be interested in my explanation. She declined my request to explain what i'd written. Well, i was down, shocked, disappointed, depressed, devastated and more seriously, HOPELESS. it seemed to me that my dream had been shattered by her. My heart cursed her more than anything, and i had no one to blame to. With a hopeless heart, i approached Jo, thinking that letting her know would be a better idea. She though was busy with other appointments, approached me in an understanding manner and asked me to calm down. She agreed to see me the next day. The next morning, when i told her my thought about letting this matter go and putting more efforts in the upcoming assignments, she didn't quite agree with my suggestion. Instead, she asked if i want my paper to be marked by second marker. She explained to me the pros and cons of paper being marked by second marker, followed by her suggestion. Suddenly, there was a hope beginning to shine inside. The whole process took me two weeks and during these days, i made an effort to see her and talk to her. Our talk was informal and she liked to cheer me up when i was stressed with upcoming final assignments and about the CL paper. Finally, the verdict has announced. They agreed to give me a pass. i couldn't be any happier and thankful for what Jo had done for me.

I remember this time last year (Christmas season), Jo and Meera had put up a makan at Beadles in Kelvin Grove. She realized that some of us did not make our way back home, and suggested that a simple treat and lunch would be a good idea. Besides having good talk there, Jo had shared her experience of having to teach in an island for more than 10 years. How phenomenal!
~Christmas last year~
It's needless to say that every semester is tougher than the previous ones. But what makes one think that 'it's easy' is an act of mind. If we are able shift our mind to think of something difficult as 'i can do it', then no mountain is too difficult to climb. Yet, it's not easy. In fact, it comes with a lot of courage, motivation, determination, resilience, perseverance and ongoing effort to actually to make our dream come true. And sometimes I must admit, I was faced with depression, demotivation, lonely, stress and hopeless thought. But Jo was there for me. She would always be at her office, unless she had classes to attend or outstation work to attend.

Everytime i met her, she would give me a big smile despite of her 'busy'ness. I knew she was very busy, yet i wanted to talk to her. Sometimes, i would tell her how stressful and busy i was, she would listen and give me a smile. Then, she would say 'Good. You still have 3 weeks left. Do what you can do'. Sometimes, if she herself is busy and feeling stressed, she would say, ' I know. I have got bla bla bla report to write, bla bla bla article to submit'. Until now, I never felt her pressuring me academically. Instead, she would ask me to relax, take deep breath or go for a walk. I think she knew i had been pushing myself too hard already. And i think what she said was true.

At times when i was demotivated and lazy to do my assignments, i would go and bug her to nag me, to give me words of motivation. lols. tat's a funny thing. She looked at me sternly in the face for a while and said 'You just have got to do it' or 'tell yourself you have to do it'. Sometimes, if she her is stressful, she would turn to me and sigh, 'i don't like writing bla bla too. Let's motivate each other okay.' I remember the last word of motivation she gave me during ICT presentation, 'what do you get (for your paper)?' then i replied '7'. 'then you have to work for it. it's your last paper. your last paper until Jan next year. keep reminding yourself of it'.

In these two years, Jo had been like a mother to me. there were many instances she helped me with things that i couldn't do alone, and she made them happened. And i am really grateful for all that she's done. In her simple personality, she motivates me when i was lazy and down. She taught me how to behave in an Australian classroom, how to teach, how to balance my life, how to Stand after a Fall. She listened to every single word i said: my complain, my whinge, my crap (which is actually quite offensive in aussie culture) and my request. She gave me words of wisdom and encouragement that i will not forget. And most importantly, she has changed my life.

The last words from her before we bid goodbye as we hugged were, 'Take care of yourself. Do whatever you believe it's right for you.'
~us at Sunshine Coast '06~
ps: She is in fact the first person that said 'JUST GO WITH THE FLOW' to me and my cohort.

Thank you Jo.

mystery

2006-12-24T15:54:00.000+10:00

Why does it rain each time i am feeling sad or depressed?

Why do my friends have to start chatting to me when i was about to go offline, resulting in me to chat with them?

Why is the voice in my heart contrast with the voice my mind?

2006-12-23T02:24:00.000+10:00

Ever since I went to KK, i spent vy less time with myself. Very often, my mind was actively functioning. Many thoughts were on my mind, both good and bad. A lot of uncertainties, uncertainties of what happens to me and what will happen in near future.

What's worsen the situation is my one important box which stubbornly do not arrive even after 3 weeks. This matter really worries me to the max. On Wednesday, i called those KLIA people up. They gave me a not surprising news - 'your parcel has not arrived yet Nick'. Sighhh. Yet, i continued to place my trust in whatever thing that is happening. Today, when i called them up this morning, it came with surprise to note that my parcel has finally arrived. I was astounded with joy and happiness as my mum shared the same joy with me when we were on our way to make my new glasses.

Since i got back from KK, i spent very little time with myself. With this i mean spending a good quality time with myself. More often, i talked to my parents throughout night until midnight, realizing later that one day is almost over. I was supposed to start on my Project 24 this holiday but to my disappointment, i have spent very little time on it. I knew with little time, i have spent it on playing games and chatting which are not important. Waaaaa~ i have set my priority wrong! And with my cousins coming and Christmas and New Year approaching, I do have a responsibility to spend time with them. Waaaaaaaaaaaaa~ where do i find a time with myself? When will i start on my Project 24? Sighhh.... i'm so demotivated. In need of motivation oledi.

With the arrival of my assignment box, it marked the first step to redeem my Science result. I have to wait until it arrives at my cousin's company, which possibly take another week after considering the Christmas holiday. Then, i have to check if i am the one who is at fault or my lecturer. If it's me, then i sure sure sure sure sure sure vy vy vy vy vy vy paiseh lor..... tak berani to redeem liao. but if it's not me, then i sure sure sure will fax him my result. Finally, we see what changes we can make lor.

See, today is 23rd Dec, another 2 will be Christmas. A season of joy, faith and hope. I really love it. And i am looking forward to it. I hope this year's Christmas will be an awesome and a blessed one. yay! Merry Christmas Everyone!

i need to start on Project 24 liaooooooooooooooooooooooooo

The Scroll

2006-12-15T19:02:00.000+10:00

For we know, children loved

by God, that he has chosen you,
because the gospel came
to you not simply with
words, but also with power,
with the Holy Spirit and
with deep conviction.

1 Thessalonians 1:4

Tug-o-war

2006-12-14T18:20:00.000+10:00

What is a tug-o-war?
A tug-o-war, or more often referred to as a tug-of-war is a type of sport in which two teams show their strength by pulling against each other at the opposite ends of a rope, and each team tries to pull the other over a line on the ground.

When I first read WYD08 ePilgrimage Oct06 a week ago, I came across an article that spoke about 'life on earth can often be a struggle'. It was a good article but somehow i don't think i was taken aback by it, considering how my life's been stuffed with the downs lately. I don't mean my life has always been the downs, instead i mean mine brings its own special challenges and obstacles along with all sorts of joys and happiness that He has promised us.

With the homecoming of a prodigal son (exaggerating bit), i cannot tell you how shock and surprise my two parents are. They are astounded to the many things that has happened to me. One is physical changes that i've brought within these two years: getting slimmer (plz don't say thin), tanner, taller (Finally, i'm as tall as my father), ear pierced, and my 'botak' hair. Second is the mental and psychological changes i brought. I don't think they were too surprised with this, simply because the verdict has reveiled: Anonymous, one who has consistently left honest and wise advice happens to be my mum. Lols. Biribiri's speculation was right. Thank you.

Over the past few days, i have been occupied with many duties. There are not big. Nor do they pay me a cent upon their completion. But i got the chance to see the real world, the reality of the society and more importantly, to see my purpose in the society: where I'm at, and where I'm heading. These all fascinate me: both bright and ugly sides. Communicating with people older than me like my parents, cousins and close relatives got me realized the shallowness of my experience and knowledge. Like what olders like to say to the young, "I have eaten more salt than you eat rice". Truly, i have enjoyed listening to them, at the same time, considering and thinking over what they've said and taking those applicable. One legendary once said, "Only a fool learns from his own experience, smart people learn from others".

Lately, i have been thinking about my passion. There is a passion inside me that is burning like a fire. Yet, i can't be very sure what it is. As much as i think that my passion is about that something, I am interested in the other thing as well. Just as i go more deeply into thinking about these two things, reality strikes. BANG!!! As Anas once said jokingly, "reality hurts". Though he mentioned it in a joking manner, there is some truths in it. Yet, both of us always used to laugh our ways off it.

I believe, in every human being, especially as one grows older, there will always be internal tussles with temptations, confusion and desire. and for this reason, there is a Tug-o-war going on inside us, which if not solved effectively, can lead to unhealthy internal and external breakdown and tension! Like what Fr. Anthony in ePilgrimage Oct 06 said, "As people mature and advance in the spiritual life, they often experience these internal and external stresses all the more strongly." I think this is very true. And, i am going through this process.

But we are not alone. God, his angels and saints and his Church are there at our side to protect us, heal us, give us direction and strength. Whatever our struggles, we need never be overwhelmed. As Jesus taught us, God's grace is so great he can dispel our difficulties with a flick: "by the finger of God I cast out demons" (Lk 11:20)
Anthony Fisher OP (ePilgrimage Oct06 WYD)

"You did not choose me; I chose you and appointed you to go and bear much fruit, the kind of fruit tht endures. And so the Father will give you whatever you ask of him in my name." (Jn 15:16)

>.<

2006-12-12T18:49:00.000+10:00

There are so so so many things in life that i don't understand. I'm not okay now. i've tried, but i failed. Why? Things just don't work out the way i want it to be, and the worst thing is, it's wasting my time. My whole afternoon has flown without having a single thing copied into my laptop. Why? tell me Lord. tell me something plzzzzzzzzzzzz..... Am getting so impatient now.

My two boxes sent from Australia to Subang have not arrived yet.
Why?
I prayed that it will arrive one day, but it's now 3 weeks now, it's LOST!
Why?
I have 24 hours a day but i still don't have time for everything.
Why?
I have so many things happening unexpectedly to me now that i couldn't comprehend.
Why?
My Project is still nil.
Why?
I have my school mates back at home but i have yet to meet them once.
Why?
I have so many prayers unanswered (yet or maybe never).
Why?
I thought i am patient, but i don't think i am right now.
Why?

I'm not happy with Jesus now. i really am. Don't want to talk to Him anymore.
Don't don't don't don't don'ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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