Life here

[how should I start this?]

[thinking…]

…….

A month ago, as Cheryl asked me to join Majlis Perwakilan Pelajar (MPP), I thought it was rubbish. But, it came true. I am the senator for Pemimpin 1 now. Yet, its experience has not been very enjoyable and pleasant so far. Besides getting to know more friends and people upon elected which can be considered as a good aspect of the thing, I or most of us are involved heavily in work related to Hal Ehwal Pelajar as well as the administration.

To this day, I have quit many things which are of my favourite. The dearest one is badminton KAGUM 07. I realized that after joining MPP, time is never on my side as I always have meetings to attend to. As a result, my time allocated for badminton is replaced with this. More to this, KAGUM 07 is coming soon. And if I really want to commit myself into this, full commitment and determination and efforts will be needed, i.e. intensive practice and training. And I realize I cannot fulfill them all. I have been thinking hard about this thing. And I decided to give it up as on last Sunday. Mr. Gomez my lecturer as well as my trainer asked me today about this issue, and I told him exactly how I have gone through. He nodded and told me to do what I think it’s right.

After joining MPP, I have spent less time for myself. Admittedly, I have to go down field everyday in conjunction with the Sport day this Thursday. This is where I spent at least an hour of my evening time there waiting for the authority to pass me some duties. This week for example, I have Majlis Perlantikan MPP 07 this Wednesday, and Sport Day this Thursday. I really have not found a single fruitful experience in joining this yet. One of my friends who is also a MPP and I today shared the ‘busy’ness and huge accountability needed for this MPP. To one extent, we even talked about quitting it. But you know, as much as I like to quit this thing, to get over this, to get myself out of this, I cannot do it. There seems to be something calling me to press on, to fight on and to struggle on. In a way, I believe that our responsibility as teacher is not only to teach, but to carry out tasks which we like or may not be of our interest. But no matter what, when we are put in this position, we have to embrace whatever it brings us, hoping that there’s something that we can learn from it.

Tonight is the first night I reflect this much after a week of full-assignments-schedule last week. Come to think of it, I have to say that I have not tried as best as that I can, I have not become who I wanna be, and I have not prepared myself well and efficiently for the assignments last week. I don’t know how they will turn up. In fact, last Thursday, as I was working on my CS individual assignment, I for the first time in my life, felt moody and nervous breakdown which never happened in my life. Though that assignment consists of 1000 words only, I could feel the heaviness in the assignment which drained my confidence in writing. Immediately I stopped and prayed, asking Him to give me the strength to move on. And He did. Within a minute or two, I started to feel a feeling of peace in me. Gradually and slowly, I gained my confidence back to continue writing. That night, I didn’t sleep and yet I didn’t feel sleepy. After finishing my work, I was reminded of the story ‘Footstep’ – ‘when you see only one set of footprint, it was then that I carried you’. Thank you Father.

This Wednesday, as I take up the vow of being an official MPP student council, I am well aware of the many challenges I am going to face and the sacrifices I need to make. Time management will definitely be an issue for me, accountability towards colleagues’ needs and wants. Cannot go MV that often already, cannot go Wangsa Maju that often already, cannot go gym that often already, cannot go this cannot that. Waaaaaaaaaa… can really die lar….

Should I be worrying about my assignments? Indeed I think I should. In fact, I am, even to the extent of me being sick now. But I am feeling much better now. Stress ah….. requires a lot of smart management. Last year, my stress just revolved around assignments; this time around, my stress revolves around many many things: assignments, MPP, friendships. Three are enough to make me tension already.

How-ler? Pray-lor I guess. Only through Him that I will find my inner peace. This song that I am listening now, ‘God will make a way for me’ comes exactly at the right time. ‘God will make a way for me, God will make a way through the sea, even bring the mountain down for me. Coz nothing is too hard for Him, He created everything…’