cross-cultural marriages?

(picture courtesy of mayakarin-fc.blogspot.com)

Reading today's headlines on NST "Actress Maya Karin to wed British teacher" makes me wanna write something on cross-cultural marriage.

To date, cross-cultural marriages are seen as a common trait. It is no longer seen as a shocking news when people were sceptical of couples of different cultures or races getting married. In Malaysia alone, we have three main ethnics group: Malays, Chinese and Indian. And it would be difficult for one to deny that any of these unique ethics groups isn't attracted to the other groups.


In Peninsular, we have Chindian (a mix of Chinese and Indians), Chinmays or Chilayu (a mix of Chinese and Malays), Mamak (an unpleasant label for a mix of Indian and Malays). And in Sabah and Sarawak, I am proud that we have more: Ciban (a mix of Chinese and Iban), Sinokadazan (a mix of Chinese and Kadazan), Eurasian (a mix of ang-mo and Malaysians), and many more kacukan that we haven't given them a label. All of these give to the beauty of cross-cultural marriage.

However, for these minority couples who had gone through cross-cultural marriages, they will tell you it is not easy or it has never been easy. It takes up a lot of one's energy, concentration, understanding of the other's beliefs, patience, tolerance, time, trusts and most importantly love to keep him going and the relationship working.

One thing that has always been such a headache and sometimes a cause for the break-up is blessing from each other's family. Many times, cross-cultural marriage will not be so complicated and difficult if families from both parties can agree or have no negative perception to this notion. This however has not been the case, marriage involving other cultures may ignite fear and insecurities among some families, particularly if they are the conservative ones. They fear badly for their son that he will stop practising his own cultures and way of lives, and start practising his partner's cultures and lifestyles. The lost of one's heritage, cultures, language and more importantly beliefs in religion are some reasons why some families are so sceptical of cross-cultural marriage.

Yet, we can't deny what beauty cross-cultural marriage can bring to us if we can deal with them nicely. There will be sharing of both unique cultures, understanding of each culture, further appreciation of celebration celebrated together and additional language learnt and shared between both. I personally have friends whose parents are of different ethnics and cultures who are beautiful physically and emotionally. They know more than just one mother tongue and they are better off understand another culture. And they have more celebrations than us who only have one.

As bystanders, we often think it is easier looked than done. We thought of how great and beautiful these couples' lives are. What we don't know is the hardship they have gone through and the many obstacles they had dealt with. And as I said again, a lot of selfless sacrifices, mutual understanding, listening, negotiation, give and take, trust and love will be needed to keep this relationship and marriage going. It is one huge decision one has to make once in a lifetime. And the saying that goes 'they live happily ever after' heard in fairy tales is just some plain crap.

And to Maya Karin and Muhammad Ali 'Steven' Muhammad, Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! i wish mine's in Milan too...