Listen what you don't want to listen

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined what God has in store for those who love Him..." 1 Corinthians 2:9

If i could still remember clearly, this is my first ever bible verse in my blog. Cool huh, what has happened to me now? This verse actually signifies the objective for Ignite '06 Conference - REGENERATION. It's about regenerating ourselves (teenagers and young adult), particularly our relationship with God to a new unpredictable challenging dimension (trust me, it will happen, BUT only to those who truly commit their body and soul to God).

The theme for today is 'listen what you don't want to listen'. What struck me most is the two workshops in the afternoon, "What's the deal with the Holy Spirit?". Interesting! Holy Spirit! it's something that i know about; yet something that i know a little about. What i knew was that Holy Spirit is part of God, The Trinity - the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. How Holy Spirit works? i don't have a clue. Somehow i felt it a few times before, but wasn't not really experiencing its presence.

To tell you what Holy Spirit really is after listening to the talk, i can say it's not a short explanation to do. Let me try. *am thinking really hard* When we become Christian, or we said we are baptised in the name of Jesus, holy spirit comes into my heart (holy spirit lives in us!). For Catholics, we are baptised since we were born by our parents without our consent, so meaning, holy spirit is already in us since born. And as we got confirmed (the time when we went through the process of confirmation), that's the time when we ourselves made the vow to accept Christ into our life (it's our decision!), and we said 'I believe bla bla bla'. Holy spirit is once again renewed in our life.

But what is Holy Spirit? (*correct me if i'm wrong)
Holy spirit makes things possible. It makes the relationship between God and us HAPPENED. To make it clearer, it functions to open ourselves (our heart) up to experience the love of God. Without holy spirit, we can never experience God in our life. Sounds complicated right, let's say harddisk and motherboard, they wont operate if it is not for a cable. Hmm, another example, a microwave will not work if u don't do the action of switching on the electricity.

So, to let Holy Spirit which is already in us to work for us, we have to first ALLOW it to work in our life. Because if we don't, we can't see anything, experience wonderful gifts of God. In Christian faith, holy spirit is like a jar of water with sands in it. We need to keep stirring it (to pray for the coming of Holy Spirit) so that it touches our heart through experiencing God and Jesus. If not, what you see is water and sand at the bottom of the jar. And as i've said, Holy spirit has always already in us and what we need to do is to open our heart to allow Holy Spirit to touch us, that we may experience God, His wisdom, His way and His love for us.

Next, how do you know when Holy Spirit touches u?
Well, difficult question, because it touches every single one of us differently and uniquely. One way Bible says is that people start to sing in tongue. i see this pretty common in Catholic community, seeing people start singing in tongue in which only God can understand. Am not too sure about other churches. Another way forgot already (bad memory). Tomorrow must ask my friend or Fr Chris (the priest who gave us this awesome talk).

And i would like to share with you what this person experienced,

There was once a guy.
Brought up in a Catholic family, he was baptised and
confirmed at 15 yo.
However, his knowledge about Jesus had often come
from weekly readings; no pleasure readings on Bible.
Obviously his knowledge of God was very shallow, yet
he believed in God, trust in Him and never gave up hope in Him.

The passion to serve God was quite limited as
he was always occupied with 'busy'ness.
To say that he had experienced true love from God
is something external rather than internal.
He had good friends, good community, good parents supporting him,
but his relationship with God was more like a short-term thing,
more like a i-free-i-talk;not-free-no-talk thing.

And one day, somehow, he was called by God,
through his friends to attend a conference.
The conference was an eye-opener for him.
It makes him realized that life is more than just work and attending weekly mass.
He wanted to follow Christ,
he wanted to find the TRUTH,
he wants to find out what God wants from him,
because life is nothing as beautiful and awesome as to follow God's plan.

But deep down in him,
there was something.
Something that had been locked for a long time,
that yearned to be opened.

And therefore he prayed.
This time, all he cared was Jesus.
he told Him that he wanted to follow His way.
he told him that he would give up his life to follow Him.
he told Him to shows him the way to the TRUTH.
he told Him that he is willing to take up the challenges God had planned for him
but he toldHim that He must walk with him.
But that something was not fully opened yet; he needed help!

He went up to the father.
When the father prayed over him, something happened.
something he never expected to happen happened.
this something changes his life completely.
Huge rays of light shined into his darkest closed-eyes
he felt like fire is burning inside of him.
and he could feel a soothing chill down his head.

After the prayer, he knew everything is clear.
he realized life has become different when he opened his heart.
no words can explain exactly what he has experienced.
All he could feel is,
his heart is burning.
Not his heart actually, it's what he called as Holy Spirit.
But this is just a beginning of a long journey.
A long journey of seeking the Truth
by following Jesus.

For he was told, and he will always remember,

"I have come in order that you might have life, life in all its fullness" John 10:10

The Journey into Silence Part A

Lately, i've been very busy with uni work, countless of them, undescribable lot. Anyway, i just want to take some time out to share with you guys a story which has struck me, and it still does. It's a story about The Journey into Silence.

Before i show you the story, let's warm up with some easy thinking. You might want to think hard on it if you want it. Think of what is silence to you. What does silence mean to you? Is it the absence of sounds or something else. Think about it. Read the story after you've finished thinking. And, after reading, think again what silence truly is.

Take your time in reading it - read it like when you are eating.

The Journey into Silence

A young man once approached a Master. "Master," he
said, "teach me the way to wisdom."
"if you would like, you may accompany me on my way,"
the Master replied.
"Oh, thank you, Master!" the disciple exclaimed.
They set out, walking together in silence. Before long,
they entered a very dense forest. They walked on and on,
without saying a word.
As time went by, the disciple began to lose his
patience. "This old man is walking so slowly, we will never
get anywhere,"he thought to himself. "Besides, he
promised to teach me the way to wisdom. It has been days now,
and he has not said one word to me! What kind of a teacher is he?"
Just then, the Master stopped. He turned to the disciple
and asked, "What do you hear?"
"i do not hear anything in this miserable forest!" the
disciple shouted.

The old man nodded. And continued on his way.
They walked on and on, without saying another word.
Then, the Master stopped again. "What do you hear now?"
he asked.
"i hear the songs of a thousand birds and the wind making music
in the trees!" the disciple exclaimed.
"This forest is full of life! Thank you Master. Thank you for
bringing me to this beautiful place. Let us stay here."

The old man nodded. And continued on his way.
Together, they walked farther and farther into
the forest, without saying a word. Then the Master stopped again.
"What do you hear now?" he asked.
"Master, I hear the thunder in the distance. It frightens
me to death," the disciple replied.

The old man nodded. And continued on his way.
They walked together, in silence, for a very long time.
At length, the Master stopped, "What do you hear now?"
he asked.
"I hear the babbling of the brook. It comforts me," the
disciple replied.

The old man nodded. And continued on his way.
Together they walked in silence, on and on, deeper
and deeper into the forest. Then the Master paused again.
"What do you hear now?" he asked.
"I hear the silence at the center of the forest. All is peace," the
disciple whispered.

The old man nodded. And continued on his way.
They walked on in the silence together for what may
have been many years. Then one day, the Master stopped.
He turned to the disciple and asked, "What do
you hear now?"
The disciple turned and smiled gently. He bowed to his
Master, without saying a word.
Then the Master bowed to his disciple. "I will no
longer have to accompany you on your way," he said.

The disciple nodded. And continued on his way.
ALONE.

Everything happens for a reason

Today is not a pleasant day. Yet, it's not the worst day i have ever been. I've experienced the worst ever. It's all because of that particular thing that ruined my entire day. For some reasons, i questioned myself why i've been so worried about this thing, thinking over it and being angry about it? Is it still worth it to think about it when i know i can't do much about it? Even if i know i can't do much about it, why would i still behave in such way?

Just a few weeks ago, my good friend here, Anne asked me a question which sounds something like this, "Do you do your assigment on the basis of enjoying the process or achieving the 7 figure?" I easily replied, the process of course. And the reason i gave her was that, the whole process of doing assignment is to enjoy what you're doing, getting yourself interested and motivated to try your very best in the process of completing it. And the rest (which is the result) is left to God to decide. It would appear meaningless to get an excellence result without you liking it. And the 7 is itself a figure only which brings no meaning whatever.

and this (what i've said) struck me today. Truly, i have placed my effort in analyzing what i need to do. And it all didn't seem to be as worthwhile as i thought. In collaboration with my friends, I truly enjoyed the challenging process in completing the thing, thinking that it would be one of the greatest analysis ever. Maybe my expectation had been too high that now that i fall, i have no hand to hold on to stand up (figuratively i mean). To some degrees, i just want to express my disatisfaction towards Debra in her strict professionalism. She just had been too critical on my evaluation. Aarghh...

Well, those words were of the past now. I have put this thing aside now. Neither will i think nor whinge about my past and the thing. I have got more important things to complete. It's week 10 now and in another 4 weeks, my semester will be over. Engaging in the past will do me no benefit. But, 1 thing i am worrying is the trauma from this. I am still finding ways to cope with this trauma. In some ways, i am trying to turn the trauma upside down, as a motivator to myself. I am not sure how effective this will work out. But i guess in life, you just gotta take risk. Take the necessary risk i mean, not the worthless risk. Just like the thing, i took the risk to explore it, investigate it, hoping to get something out of it. But the result is just satisfying. I should learn to appreciate what i have got, and learn to accept failure. i think i have read it somewhere when it said that, in order to excel, you must be ready to take risk, and be prepared to fall.

"NEVER GIVE UP"
"EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON" so does the thing

Unbelievable

Lately, besides pushing myself to get disciplined academically, my life is filled with the up's and the down's. Not so much of a social issue i would say, but a soon-getting-in-a-relationship issue. It struck me with disbelief and pride to realize that I have changed over last few months. And since 'pride' is the word i have described, i think what i have changed is for the better, and in a better way.

Over the last few months of reflecting my social life in past semesters in which my room is like a lockup where only books and notes and laptops are visible in the room, i realized that life is more than just doing and excelling assignments. Of course these things are important, but somehow if my life is only filled with the 'tenderness' of these books and academic stuffs, it will somehow go dull and meaningless. Even the greatest scientist of all time, Albert Einstern did not alienate himself in the lab solving equations. =)

Somehow during this journey, there comes an easily-excited, hyperactivity, intelligent, beautiful witty girl, who came in and captivate me n my whole being. I remembered the first time i saw her, she looked exhausted yet surprised and happy to meet a new friend of Ah Seng, me. I was not sure how our conversation went, but the one moment i always remembered was sharing how we pronounced 'Dunedin' and 'Brisbane'. A simple day gone by, bringing with it a great memory of the moment ah Seng, ah Glo & me shared, a day that i won't forget.

And somehow our friendship doesn't stop there, it has gone through the happy and the difficult moments. Reflecting on it now, i never knew that i have come so far a journey to be someone i have always wanted to be, a person who cares, a person who concerns, a person who dares to take responsibility, a person liked by someone, and a person who has fallen in love with her. It's so hard to write how i felt right now. I came across this song yesterday, and truly like it. In some ways, it helps express how i felt right now.

Craig David - Unbelievable

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I'd be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I'm somewhere I've never been before.
Now I see, what love means.

[Chorus]
It's so unbelievable,
And I don't want to let it go,
Something so beautiful,
Flowing down like a waterfall.
I feel like you've always been,
Forever a part of me.
And it's so unbelievable to finally be in love,
Somewhere I'd never thought I'd be.

In my heart, in my head, it's so clear now,
Hold my hand you've got nothing to fear now,
I was lost and you've rescued me some how-.
I'm alive, I'm in love you complete me,
And I've never been here before.
Now I see, what love means.

[Chorus]
When I think of what I have, and this chance I nearly lost,
I cant help but break down, and cry.
Ohh yeah, break down and cry.

[Chorus]
Now I see, what love means

little time

These few days see me hiding myself in my room struggling to get myself organized with all the upcoming assignments. i cannot imagine the end of this semester approaching this soon. it's like imagining myself drowning into a deep well, struggling to climb myself out.

Though assignments and assignments are pilling up, one interesting thing i observe psychologically is that i am not as tension as i should be. i am not sure why and what happen. no idea. in my mind, i just have one thinking, getting this thing done. And since it's one shot, make it your best shot.

Also, lately i have been sleeping very late and for very few hours - 3-4 night hours. Interestingly, i woke up with no headache, though i might have a small headache in te arvo, which ends me with a short nap, and everything will be perfect again.

i am not sure when this kind of lifestyle going to continue. but i know, before i reach the end of this journey, this semester, i will give myself a best shot to everything i am doing. blerkk... :p gotta go liao... can't blog everyday, but will try to. :)

Don't Quit

When assignments strike, that's when i need lots of words of wisdom, determination and motivation to keep me walking. If not, I will fall. The following words are taken from a bookmark of St. Jude of Thaddaeus, The Miraculous Saint.

Don't Quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes leans,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seems worst that YOU MUST NOT QUIT.