losers - jealousy

I don't know why, but I think this world is so full of losers who like to mess with people, especially with people who are more successful than them and those who have something they don't have, i.e. money, carrier, reputation, beauty, love, intelligence etc. I loathe this kind of people.

Perhaps, jealousy is the word to describe this kind of people. It often happens when others have something the losers want. Instead of doing good or going for what they want in fair manners, they try to take it away and bring them down by evil means. Bad-mouthing and back-stabbing are just what losers commonly do to get other people believe.

I am saying this because I realize that as life goes on, when you are successful, not many people will like you - not even when you are doing the right thing. In reality, some 'friends' want to screw you real hard until you lose your determination and patience. They are there to steal everything from you. And very often, they do it for the love of it. In fact, it costs them nothing to go around screwing people up.

Yet I think sometimes humans think in such a way that they don't like to see others winning. It's okay if they are doing nothing when they are jealous of other people's success. It's okay also to be jealous of others and at the same time do something positive about it for personal self-improvement. But it is never okay to bad-mouth them directly or indirectly when they in fact have nothing good against them.

On my part, I think I have more to learn on transforming my jealousy of others into positive endeavour for self-development. I also need ways to deal with real losers. I love to punch them if I can, but I don't think it would be enough. There is a popular saying my close juniors in maktab used to imitate, 'If you hit me, I hit you back HARDER'.

a life meaningful to live in

(picture courtesy of tamucc.edu)

I have a friend who told me, 'My life is meaningful. I am happy with my life. I don't need a girlfriend." Yet, when I really thought about his life, I doubted it. This is a respond from a man who is 30 years old, and he is still single. When asked why he doesn't want to look for a girlfriend, he gave me ten 'good' excuses which eventually shut me up.

Come to think of it, I don't think my thought really matters. Who am I to judge his life is not happy? It's his life anyway.

On the other hand, I like to think about what it means to live a meaningful life.

You see, nothing in this world has meaning in itself unless we individuals give it a meaning. For example, the word 'dog' has no meaning until people give it a meaning of a common four-legged animal, and kept as a pet. My kids would not know what 'dog' is unless I explain to them. Imagine if I were to tell them it is a flying creature, they will associate it with a bird.

I like to think our lives behaves the same way too. Our life is basically meaningless unless we give it a meaning. And until we give our life a purpose to live, our life is hopeless.

I think this is utterly important as I realize that children at a very young age do not what they want from life. It's absolutely normal and OK of them not to realize now. But we as teachers need to impart on every child the very reason why they are coming to school.

I used to lecture a group of kids preparing for UPSR this year. When asked the reason they come to school, they said they were there to study and to get many A's. When asked of the meaning of learning English, Science or even Bahasa Melayu, they had no reply.

Hence, the conventional thinking used by many parents to force their children to think coming to school is to get good grades can no longer be used in today's world. Children need better reasons than this.

They need to know they are there not just to learn some boring grammar, but also to learn some useful skills which are essential for them to work in the workforce next time as much as to communicate effectively with others in a manner which is ethically desirable.

What about when when we are adults now? How do we know if we are living a meaningful life?

I don't know myself too well. But I do know if I am living a life with purpose, knowing what i am doing, what I want to achieve, knowing the significance of the things I want, learning new things from each failure or mistakes, I am living a life which is meaningful.

Yet, it's always a struggle and not easy to know if what I do is correct or is leading me to a meaningful outcome. New things I learn and take in may not always be the right thing to do. Sometimes I am caught in a moral dilemma of which decision to make. This requires a lot of deep thinking and practical logical alternatives, in addition to listening to what other people think.

It turns out that people who acclaim themselves living a meaningful life have every reason for their actions. Every decision they make has its own justification. Whether it's right or wrong, that's another matter. That's their own business.

After all that is said and done, it's never been easy to live a meaningful life. Frequent evalution and reflection of oneself may help in the process.

Is this what gives life a meaningful one to live in?

(picture courtesy of whatidiscover)

Perhaps, I should play the song 'When I grow up' by Pussycats Dolls. It will be great, won't it?

I love my kids - 2008

I love my kids in school. Let me tell you why.

Year 1
Before this, you didn't know how to sit still; now, you can sit down quietly for an hour.
Before this, you only knew ABC; now, you know how to read sentences.
Before this, you only kneww 1 2 3; now, you can count to hundred.
Before this, you were naughty and uncontrollable; now, you are still naughty, but you behave at least when i raise my rotan.
Before this, you knew nothing about English song; now, you know Do-Re-Mi and many more.

Before this, I only knew one word of Iban; now, i know more than 20 words of Iban.
Before this, I raised my voice when you were noisy; now, i know it is your nature to be noisy.
Before this, I insisted a lot on you writing; now, i want you to learn to enjoy reading and hands-free writing.
Before this, I thought that all humans are born equal; now, i know some of you are smarter than another, while some need more repetition and encoragement than others.
Before this, I got disappointed easily when you failed to learn what i teach; now, i am trying new different ways for you to learn.

Year 3 & 4
Before this, so many of you were still illiterate; now, some of you have improved.
Before this, a handful of you didn't even know ABC; now, you know ABC and phonetic.
Before this, so many of you hated English; now, i think you still hate it, but you have to love it because i say so.
Before this, none of you was brave to speak up in English; now, a handful of you are speaking to me in broken English of which i am glad.
Before this, you never had the motivation to learn English; now, you are slowly making the initiatives to learn a word or two of English a day.
Before this, you didn't know how to read; now, you can read two paragraphs.

Before this, I didn't know what heck you were talking about; now, i know when you kutuk behind my back.
Before this, I said i'll can you if you fail English; now, i say you are responsible for your own learning.
Before this, I was quick to give punishment; now, i think thrice of the consequences of punishment i give.

Should I leave next year, i shall thank these kids for bringing changes to my life.

To go or not to go?

It’s that time of the year now that teacher around the nation who wishes to transfer can submit their transfer application. The first semester has seen one teacher submitting his form but was being rejected. Now I see more of that coming. And I wonder should I do the same?

One thing that has been bothering me so far is that people do not seem to be emotional when thinking of getting transferred after having to spend a year of building a carefree community. When I looked at them and their facial expressions, I see that their anxiety to leave the school is higher than together building a community of togetherness.

When asked for their opinions and also of others outside the community, I realized that these experienced people are used to this trend of asking for transferred, and that this is part of life. Is it?

I, being a beginning teacher of almost a year experience here am expecting the worst, which is seeing almost everybody leaving and disappearing by early next year. It would be pretty traumatic of me seeing this and being the one still standing there.

So, I am thinking of whether I should do what they do? It was not my intention at first to leave the school until I get my pengesahan “confirmed” in my post. However, looking at this situation today, I can’t think of not leaving due to some of the similar factors my colleagues are leaving. *these factors are private and confidential and hence will not be shared and discussed here*

Yet, leaving would mean a totally different new environment for me if it is granted. It would mean me adapting to new environment, new administration, new management, new colleagues, new community, new students, new expectation, new tasks, and new challenges. Am I ready to take up all these?

You know, sometimes I am amazed by these foreign people coming from all over the world. Their willingness and love to venture out and seeking new horizons have made some of them really successful. Educational professors for example, do not stick to one university for long. After a few years, you see them working with a new university or better in another country. How do they cope with changes?

Not leaving, on the other hand would mean I will stick to the same environment and everything. Everyday will be another day passing by, experiencing the same difficulties which has contributed to the factors why some people are leaving.

At the end of the day, I think I need a good reason and purpose which are greater than reality to leave. I want to get as close to home as I possibly can. I don’t mind about the new workloads from the new administration, but I do mind them taking some care of my welfare. I want to see new places and meet new people, rather than staying put while meeting new people. I am ready for new challenges. I want to be one leaving rather than the one left behind. Somehow, I prefer saying goodbye of leaving than goodbye to people who are leaving.

I think I have made up my mind – ask to LEAVE.

*FYI, not all applications for transfer are granted. Yet, at least I have made an attempt to try. So, even if I fail, I will have no regrets right?*

Being Curious

Is curiosity a good thing? If it’s good, why we have the old saying that goes, curiosity killed the cat? How much curiosity is too much? How should I manage my level of curiosity?

I am a curious person. In fact, everyone is. All humans are born curious. If not, we won’t be thinking for and seeking new ideas and having new inventions every day. Great people are curious people for example.

However, I found that curiosity may not always be a good thing lately. Asking too many questions may not be the right thing to do. And sometimes I realized that my questions have caused the person to get so annoyed, that the responses in replied were more likely to be ‘I don’t know… don’t ask me’.

And sometimes, some people don’t like to share their personal life or are not comfortable to share their experience. Being curious in this situation can turn out to be pretty daunting and risking his chances of getting negative responses.

Also, being curious about something for self-gain or self-advantage may not always be good. The negative intention underlying the many questionings may in fact cause the person to be extra cautious of what he is up to, and inevitably leads the person to have negative impression on him.

Being overly curious about what people are doing is not good as well. As much as I am interested in what people are thinking and how they are thinking, sometimes I think I am too curious about what they are doing. Thinking of this, I don’t think it is a wise idea to be curious about what others are doing. It’s not my matter or problem anyway. Why should I care? I must always remind myself of the phrase, ‘Mind your own business’.

Moreover, being overly curious about what people are thinking of you is never a good idea. Though it is good to think what people think generally about what you did and how you’d done. It is not wise to over indulge in their opinions, as you do what you think it’s best and right. Trust yourself. As I’d heard from one TVB drama, it said ‘Stand firm. If you think you do the right thing, you shall not be afraid of what’s coming on you.’ But very often, the struggle is the question of when do we know we are doing the right thing? I believe that having clear clarification and feedback from appropriate people can help justify our mind and thinking.

So now, the questions remain, when is it appropriate to draw the line? When do we know when we are being healthily curious and over curious? When should ask questions and when not?

I don’t know. But I know it’s important to ask the right question at the right time and maybe at the right place. And it’s something I should evaluate myself everyday.