Is grass really greener on the other side?

Is grass really greener on the other side?

I don't know. Maybe you can share your points after this.

Recently, one of my good friends and I met together for supper after months of not-hanging-out. On such occasion, we would talk and chit-chat over what we are up to, our work and our social life. Unfortunately, he has resigned from his previous work due to some misunderstanding. I felt bad for him. However, that wasn't the point. The thing that struck me is that he told me he wants to leave Sibu, simply because the town is pathetic and also his very personal reasons. From his tone, i could sense he is dying to leave this place, being very optimistic that he will find the true him in the new place. Somehow, he is confident that if he ever gets out from this place, he would be a better person than he is now.

In my mind, i was thinking, Is he really going to be happy on the other side of the world? Is he really going to find his true self in the new place? Is the new place really that pleasing and better off?

Another experience. My colleague in school (not to mention his name) has been teaching for 7 years, and this is his second posting to the school I am teaching in now. It is the fourth months of us teaching here, but he is already thinking of a next transfer. He felt that the workload he has here is much more than what he had in his previous school in the rural. In fact, he has a heart of a gold, and a determination of an ant. But, this has not given him an easy path in school. Instead, he is made 'victim' to be taken advantage of. I feel bad for him. It just seems like being hardworking is not worth it as others may simply take advantage of you. He told me he wants to leave this place. He said he wants to go home, to a new school where workload will not be this heavy.

But in my mind, i was thinking, is life going to get easier for him in the new school? How sure is he that his new school will not give him more burdens and hassles? Is grass really greener in the new school?

This friend of mine is my best friend. He has finished his study end of last year. And he has been working in Bintulu but has now resigned from his position. Where is he now? He's in KL. Why such far? Simply because he believes the grass is greener on the other side. In March, when he was in Sibu, we had conversations over what he wants. He said he wants to go Singapore. He said it's much easier to find a decent job there. I informed him of its advantages and disadvantages. He said it's better for him to gain some experience overseas first. I nodded, hoping Singapore would give him a better job and pay. And he really thought that the grass would be greener on the other side.

However, as i did a catch up with my other friend in Singapore yesterday, he told me he is now in KL and is planning to return home. Why? Simply because he can't find a job there. Now he's thinking of doing his MBA, in which i believe it's better for him after all that had happened to him.

See, is grass really greener on the other side? Is situation really getting any better when we get to a new environment? Will we get happier on the other side of the fence? I don't know. Till today, I am constantly reminded of what my aunty (Ashwin's Mum) in Penang said. She once told me, many people think that grass is greener on the other side; they thought they would feel happier if they are on the other side of the fence.

But does it always happen?
The answer is NO.

Why?
Because in the end, they are still the same old them. They are them, they continue to be the same, and they never change. The weaknesses they had for years remain unchanged or even unidentified. In the end, they die without knowing why the green is NOT always greener on the other side.

The point i want to make here is that grass may not be greener on the other side. I use 'may not' because i still believe grass can be greener on the other side, but not always though.

Very often, we fail to identify that the problem we face is actually rooted within our own very self. We often substitute our problems with other people's fault. It's always their fault, not our fault. Seldom have we looked into the mirror and reflect that by some chances, the problem is actually us, not others.

And how often do we feel insecure when we found our friends have something that we don't: money, position, luck, abilities, confidence and talents. We felt that if we are in their shoes, perhaps we can do better than them, if not equal to them. Our insecurities and greediness get the best out of us, slowly flooding in our minds, as we start to lose appetite of the grass on our own side, but to think and indulge in the grass on the other side.

Without us noticing it, we slowly lose realizing all the good things on our side. What a shame! The grass on the other side is definitely green, not necessarily greener. But it's surely different. But to keep the grass on our side greener, we certainly can do something to make it green again.

By this, i probably mean we have to face it, nurture it, give it a different fertilizer which might actually work. In situations or problems when we can't change its reality, we certainly cannot change the fact of situation. Yet, we can certainly have control over the way we think. And we can change the way we think. We cannot give up, cannot run away from it, but to face it, to stay where we are.

Start all over again if that's the only choice we have. Try all different fertilizers, try all strategies, until we see the grass grow green again.

For all we do when faced with problems is to run to a greener side, what good will we get? We can't always run to a greener pasture everytime we have problems, can we?

To quote from a forwarded e-mail,

Touch someone with your love.
Rather than focus upon the thorns of life,
smell the roses and count your blessings!

Faith

Read a forwarded e-mail today, and came across a phrase I have always wanted to say. This could probably be it.

"When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something! Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible!"

Teaching Year 1

Teaching Year 1 kids can be the hardest task there is in this world, especially when you are dealing with my class where every teacher has every reason to complain.

My Year 1 class consists of 14 kids, 8 girls and 6 boys. There are 3 who are generally smarter where learning for them is done without much repetition. So, I rank them the smart ones. However, there are two girls in this class who have difficulty learning. One of them is autistic though not medically proven, while the other one is categorized as slow learner. The rest of the girls are generally alright in their learning ability.

Now, the boys. Out of the 6 boys, 2 of them are hyperactive. Sitting still and keeping quiet are the hardest things to do for them. If I do a reading exercise on spelling and phonics, you can be sure their eyes are not on the words, but everywhere else except the words. Use rotan? Never work. Been there, done that, failed. Use more attractive materials? Yes, for the first few seconds. After that, their eyes are elsewhere again. Chose them to be leaders of groupwork? They don’t even know ABC’s, concentrate or even what task it is.

What’s up with the other four boys? They are ok at first. But slowly, I can see the hyperactive disease of the formers slowly seeps into the latter. So now all the boys become active and naughty and even lazy.

Everyday, not one teacher that comes out from Year 1 would say the class has been quiet that day. But instead, they would feel much more exhausted after having to scold them, lecture them, and instruct them repetitively in doing one thing. Until today, every teacher that comes out from Year 1 would compliment them on their obedience or quietness. This goes the same to me too.

But this bunch of kids can sometimes be amazing. Though given all these scolding and punishments, the kids did not appear to hate their teachers. Nor would they have a grudge on teachers. Every morning, they are the ones who will run to the car park and help us teachers carry our books and bags. They are the first ones that make you smile in the morning, as they are the first ones to greet you morning and carry your bags. Then, the whole troop of them will follow you to the staff room.

Kids are kids. They always look innocent and pure and their faces are as though written ‘I’ve no worries yo!’.

There were times when these kids took my breath away. There were times when these kids taught me to be more patience. And there were times when these kids talked Iban language to me, and when I showed no response, they laughed at my confused face. And more importantly, these kids challenged me how to be creative in teaching them how to learn.

And most importantly, these kids have taught me to give them sufficient and effective attention they need to complete a task. I found that Year 1 kids are especially in need of more attention. They are what I categorize them as the Attention Seekers. By showing them extra attention and care, you’ll see that there is a difference in their learning attitude. One thing is that the kids will know that they are being taken cared of and loved, and this gives them the confidence to finish up the task.

So if anyone were to tell me teaching Year 1 is the most challenging task there is in school, I am on your side.

And where there is love, there’s hope.

*She is Libia - the cutest attention seeker in class*

*from left: Mattgus, Miketyson (it's no joke k. that's his name), Nurul Atikah, Uridah & Betty*

*Uridah & Betty: the brainiest girls in class*

My First Graduation

This is the day. This is the day to celebrate. The day I have been waiting for months and even years.

5½ years ago, I didn’t visualize I would go on the stage to receive my scroll, nor did I expect the outcome of my achievement would turn out to be as such.

But today, dream is no longer just a dream. The dream which was once thought impossible has now come true. It’s like a dream come true, like what people say.

*I received my bunch of graduation flowers*

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony in Nikko Hotel, Kuala Lumpur. It was great to be able to celebrate my graduation in this 5-Star hotel. And it is definitely greater to celebrate it with my parents and friends. But, to me, the greatest reason to be at this ceremony is to witness and celebrate what may seem to be an impossible-dream-come-true journey.

As the clock slowly ticked 12 noon, 18 of our Cohort 1 QUT have made it to arrive with their elegant looks together with their parents and closed ones. They too came to take pride of their sons and daughters' achievement on this grand day.

Many of us were excited to see each other, especially when none of us is transferred to the same school. That gave us more reasons to talk, share experiences, not forgetting gossip. All of us have changed, one way or another, physically or mentally. Some got taller, some got slimmer. But all of them were looking great.

*All well-dressed: Anas, Ah po, Chewy, Hani & I*

Then, it was time to dress up. When it was my turn to put on my regalia, I could just sense this feeling of pride and bliss. I felt like I have now graduated and that I am a grown up now. No longer am I a small kid anymore, depending on others or seeking for troubles. Then looking at others who already have their regalia on, their faces were filled with joy, happiness and a sense of achievement. We smiled, laughed and took photos together.

*With our regalia on: Me, Hani, Anas & Sawittri*

*With Smilley Faces: Chewy, Me & Po*

When it was time for the ceremony to begin, we walked into the hall slowly, acknowledging that this is our day of achievement and success. Over 100 audiences were there to greet and applause us as we walked in.

During the ceremony, we have short speech from Vice Chancellor, a Ph.D doctorate and Datin. The atmosphere then was simply solemn and grand. It was simply phenomenal and nerve-wracking that I couldn’t focus on what they said. My mind was already on the receiving scroll part.

Then it was time to walk up the stage to receive our scroll from our Vice Chancellor. When my name was mentioned, I walked up onto the stage, doffed my square hat as a sign of respect, shake his hand firmly, and receive my certificate. And he congratulated me.

The ceremony finished as long as the speeches and the receiving of the certificates were over. It was then time for light refreshment and photo taking. I had the chance to take picture with all the deans and Vice Chancellor. Most importantly, I got to take picture together with Dr. Jo.

*A photo with the Big Heads*

*With my most inspiring lecturer: Dr. Jo Carr*

Reflecting on this ceremony, I realized that though my journey for my Degree programme has ended, my journey is not over yet. There are still many journeys and roads ahead. And I myself am responsible of continuing on this journey of mine. And I shall take whatever that is good with me in this journey ahead. And indeed, this graduation will serve as a stepping stone for me to pursue what I want be in future.

Secondly, I realized that friends come and go. Many of us are now walking a different path – their own paths. And though many of us are starting off as teachers now, 20 years from now, I believe not many of us will remain in this teaching line. Some may leave while some may pursue higher position and education. Whatever it is, once we are friends, we will always remain as friends. And though we may be far apart, in our hearts, we still know we will be there for each other when there’s trouble.

This graduation opens my eyes that I am no longer a student. And that I am slowly entering young adulthood, which means more responsibilities, more things to think, more things to consider, and more decisions to be made.

Let’s hope that this graduation will not be the last, but be the encouraging experience to greater achievements.

Pre-graduation thoughts

Coming to KL this time round gives a lot of meanings to me. It’s not the shopping that I seek though it is one of them. But, the graduation ceremony marking the end of the 5½ years of Degree programme I had undertaken.

I cannot explain how much I have changed over the past few years, especially the times I had in Brisbane. There were times of joy, happiness, delight, and celebration. And there were also times of sadness, disappointment, sorrow and pains.

In the end, I came back home alive.

All I can say is that QUT – its people, its surrounding, its community – has made me who I have become today. All these experience of learning, study, assignments, visitation, and social gathering have taught me everything I want to be a better person.

One of the biggest highlights in QUT, that some of you might have known, was when I failed in my Children’s Literature assignment (a 3 out of 7 grading scale). The unit lecturer wasn’t of any supportive at that moment. And that was my greatest defeat in my life as a student. It was then my coordinator, Dr Jo Carr who gave me the courage and support to help me through this period. And also Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior who never left me alone through this period with great resilient, persistence and determination. In the end, I managed to pull it through with a 5 in the final result. Thank you Lord.

I also want to thank my community of friends, especially those in our own cohort and Cohort 2. They are truly the greatest. Whenever there is celebration, everyone comes and celebrates. When someone needs help, we try our best to help. When there is time, we always chill out at Queen Street Mall, Cineplex Southbank, or even Korean and Chinese Restaurant – Hot Wok.

For Cohort 2, I am much blessed with the coming of 2 Catholic friends – Fatima Anne and Adel. With their helps and also others like Dave, Danny, Agnes, Angela etc, I had the courage to participate in prayer meetings and monthly camping. They are the ones blessed and sent by God to me to guide me.

I also want to thank my two parents for being so supportive of me in times of troubles and doubts. They are the ones who guide me in making the right decisions and in doing the right things. Though we seldom kept in touch through phone, I know in their hearts, they are praying for me always. And without them, I won’t be here attending this big ceremony today.

One of the many reasons why I could go on traveling is because of the job opportunities in Australia. For this reason, I thank Australia for giving me the money to earn and travel. My first experience of work in Bundaberg was awful but it taught me how to survive on foreign land besides giving me a new chance to work at beef factory in Toowomba. My return to Bundaberg for a second time was great, as it was the season for harvesting and I had great fun working there.

There is one last person I want to thank here. She is one greatest friend I have ever made and met when I was in overseas. Her name is Gloria Teng. I just want to take this opportunity to thank her and God for having our paths crossed. She guided and inspired me through my last semester in Australia, which was also my busiest yet the greatest semester in Australia. It’s difficult to explain the ways she did but she did it. And I thank her for that and appreciate them.

See, this coming to KL is not just a trip, but more than that. It marks the end of my study life and also a start to my new journey as an adult, a teacher, and someone who is greater than life.

More to come, more to see, more to achieve.
Be positive and be alert!

And thank you Lord for making all these things possible.

Back from Dead

Yippee… I’m back, back from the long depriving months of blogging. At one point in time, I thought I would never ever return to blogging. But, here I am, still alive and very much kicking.

The past few months have been particularly hard and difficult for me. The workplace, the situation I’m in, the heavy responsibilities towards my kids, the dream I have, the vocation I seek, my own personal problems, and the different priorities I’ve set, have not come easy for me.

Sometimes, it is easier to just be ignorant of what’s around you, and to just go with the flow. Life is a better place when you don’t have to worry what’s happening around you or what comes tomorrow. Everyday passes by just like any other days – no surprises, no worries. Because surely, you know there is always a tomorrow and you see it just like any other day.

But, gone are the days when I have everything to think about, everything to be concerned of, dreams I have ever wanted to achieve, and dreams I plan for.

Gone are the days when I was resilient in times of defeat, when I took up the courage to face uncertainty, when I took certain risk to face the unexpected, when I drafted out plans of what I wanted to achieve and be the best of myself.

Which is better now? What happens?

First, I tried to blame my surrounding (SK Bukit Arip – too far, no Internet) for it; Then, I tried to blame people around me for not encouraging me like how I was being encouraged in Australia.

But then I failed. After all these months, I finally realized that I was wrong. All these blames proved pointless. The blame should be on me myself, not on others. I must take whole responsibility of who I am becoming today.

Just because my environment is not like the one in Australia, I should not have blamed on the environment. Instead, I should blame myself for not trying an effort to adapt to this environment now.

Last year, I proved to myself that even in the non-conducive environment of IPBA, I could still persist and retain all A’s. Why can’t I do it now? What has gone wrong now?

Perhaps, it was my tendency to blog when there is internet on. And every weekend when I have internet, I became so lazy to reflect. And, there goes my go-with-the-flow attitude.

Truly, the past few months have been really tough for me. Though you may see me virtually or physically as someone cheerful, easy going and tough, no one knows the internal tussles I am going through – the confusion, the dilemma, the temptations, and the desire.

But tonight, I have decided to do myself a big favour. That is to give myself a chance to stand up once again. One of the things I require in standing up again is to start doing reflection of my own self. And blogging is one way of recording my own reflection.

It’s not going to be easy, but it’s simple. Praise the Lord.